Menulis Hidup

Emo.

2012-02-13T21:43:00.002+08:00

Semalam saya sangat penat.
Saya kemas barang, angkut beg-beg baju, kotak-kotak, dan buku-buku yang sangat berat.
Saya moved out dari rumah sewa.

Hari ni pun saya penat.
Saya kemaskan semua barang yang diangkut semalam supaya rumah ni tak jadi gudang seperti yang dirisaukan.

Buku-buku saya sangat banyak.
Sepenuh-penuh kereta.
Waktu saya angkut berat-berat tu ada hulurkan pertolongan tak?

Saya tak rehat. Bukan sengaja tak nak rehat, tapi saya insomnia.
Malam-malam tak dapat tidur.
Sebab tu pagi-pagi saya cranky dan macam zombie.
Siang pun tak sempat tidur juga.
Jadi kesimpulannya saya sangat penat.

Bila penat sangat mood pun rosak.
Jadi bila orang rush saya, saya tak suka.
Sebab bila saya rushing semua benda jadi tak kena.
Seperti cari duit seringgit nak bayar parking tak jumpa.
Jadi terpaksa tukar duit dulu.

Konon kalau beli barang dekat carrefour dapat parking free.
Jadi pergi carrefour dan dapatkan parking free.
Perempuan yang jaga bahagian tiket sibuk layan handphone dan biarkan customer tunggu.
Pandai. Pandai sangat. Super efficient customer service. Menimbulkan marah.

Bila dah sampai dekat palang keluar parking, ticket was rejected.
Habis tadi perempuan tu buat apa dengan tiket saya?
Angin. Angin sebab kena masuk balik cari autopay.

Bila telefon tak berhenti-henti berbunyi.
Saya sangat tertekan.

Kan senang kalau bagitahu awal-awal kena keluar pukul 8?
Kan lagi senang kalau awal-awal bagi saya guna kereta lain?

Saya tak suka kena push.
Lagi tak suka bila jelas terang orang tak percayakan saya.

Marah.
Marah, okay?

I want this!

2012-02-11T00:50:00.000+08:00

source

I said I like dark colours these days but turned out I still LOVE bright environment.

Isn't this bathroom lovely? It's too open with the all those airy windows but I find it so nice...

Don't you think? :)

happy weekend, peeps.

let's go jalan-jalan!

Love,

dyana.su

^_^

tada!

2012-02-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

I closed this space.

because.

was thinking of renovating it a bit.

no, not just a bit.

like, an overhaul.

like, changing it to dark colours.

like teal!

like, really am in love with teal, and turquoise, and sea green.

like, dreaming of a dark teal in my living room.

contrasting coloured couch, diy fabric artworks and a glass magazine stand.

and white flowers.

and perhaps, white curtains.

LOVE!

a result of too much viewing of Censational Girl,

I tell you.

oh. have I irritated you enough with all my 'like's?

people are complaining about the shut down.

so I opened it again.

until I can get my hand on photoshop again, that is.

nothing much here, anyway.

have not been updating it as frequent as I like.

but enjoy, anyway.

and bye! :)

love you mucho readers!!

~ dyana.su

I give thanks

2012-02-03T01:38:00.000+08:00

For the person that I am today.

and the things that I have.

For the beautiful family.

and the ever loyal friends.

For the experience gained.

even if it was embroidered with pain.

For the privilege of being born.

and the wonder of living life.

in Islam.

in Iman.

I am thankful, Ya Allah.

I am thankful, Ya Rabbi.

I am thankful, Ya Rahman.

Guide me please.

Till the end of this journey.

~ dyana.su

I was never lost

2012-01-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

I found the song :)

"..'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Until the light comes pouring through
It's when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the cross
I said, babe, you're not lost.."

Well then, I know I wasn't lost.

How could I be lost?

When you were always there next to me.

Holding a torch for me on one hand,

And on the other - my hand,

never letting go.

Well then, of course I know how significant it is.

The way you stand up for me.

The way you love me.

I realise that I am lucky.

Thank you.

I can't put it in words.

How wonderful it is to have somebody like you in my life.

Do you know that I love you?

Yes, I do.

~ dyana.su :)

Ekstrim

2012-01-15T03:03:00.001+08:00

Suka buat kerja dengan ekstrim. Betul tak ejaan ekstrim itu begitu? Ah, pedulikan. Mahu exam suka study dengan tidak tidur, hanya kerana concentration cuma hadir bila exam itu cuma beberapa jam sahaja lagi. Seperti cengkerik makan petang? eh, bukan. cencaru makan petang, bukan? Buruk perangai, saya tahu. Haha.

Suka hari ini. Walaupun semalam tidak tidur, tidak membalas tidur dengan terlalu. Bermaksud, tidak tidur seharian hanya kerana semalam tidak tidur. Fahamkah? Masih boleh menolong orang di dapur. Rasa diri seperti berguna. Haha. Patut sudah lena waktu ini, tetapi er, kamu tahu burung hantu? Kawan baik saya, itu.

Suka buat sesuatu dengan ekstrim. Seperti, bila mengemas bilik bukan hanya mahu bersih dari habuk dengan menyapu biasa-biasa. Semua mahu dibasuh: cadar, comforter. Panjat kerusi mahu bersihkan kipas biar berkilat. Separuh pakaian terus lipat simpan dalam bagasi supaya tidak menyemak almari (tandanya masa untuk meninggalkan bumi persinggahan ini sudah tidak lama). Sapu karpet secara traditional dengan penyapu lidi (gadis melayu terakhir di situ, terima kasih) sampai berpeluh tak hingat - okay dyana.su memang sudah tidak perlukan sauna atau gim atau jogging. Ini dikira exercise juga bukan? Kalau boleh semua cermin juga mahu digilap sampai berkilat. Oh, kalau boleh bilik itu mahu dicat baru. Kalau boleh, langsir mahu ditukar juga. Tetapi sudah maghrib. Maka berhentilah.

Mengemas sebegitu, memberi kepuasan. Biarpun esok hari ada periksa. Dan naik alahan kerana kulit tidak begitu tahan dengan habuk. Ya, manja juga tahap terlalu.

Buat sesuatu tanpa mengerti sederhana. Seperti, bila meminati suatu lagu, mahu ulang-ulang dengar yang itu sahaja. Maka maaflah kalau terpaksa dengar dyana menyanyi dengan suara sumbang. Tiada bakat disitu, terpaksa mengaku. Oh, sekarang yang selalu terngiang-ngiang adalah {HambaMu}. Suka dengan terlalu. Memberi semangat baru. Suka! Sudah cakap bukan? Suka. :)

Dalam bercakap juga kurang mengerti sederhana. Namun, bila bercakap dengan terlalu, terasa pasti ada terbicara berlebihan. Mungin mengguris hati sesiapa? Mungkin ter'riak' di mana-mana? Mungkin somehow irritating sesiapa? Hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu, bukan? Allah, ampuni dyana. Tidak suka, perangai sendiri yang ini, yang terlalu banyak bicaranya. Bukankah diam itu lebih mulia, andai tiada sesuatu kebaikan yang keluar dari bait kata? Aduh, bermadah pula.

Mungkin tandanya perlu meletakkan pena sekarang. Pena segala bagai, padahal sedang menekan keyboard laptop orang. Haha.

Undur dulu, okay? Moga jumpa lagi, dengan izin DIA. :)

Assalamu'alaikum.

Fussy much?

2012-01-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

see, i'm the type of a person who knows how many hangers she has.

how many has been broken, how many is still intact.

this, even when she's so busy like crazy: days and nights.

hangers aren't that important, right?

but yes. i'm fussy like that.

just so you know.

{so yes. i definitely take it hard if you break a thing that i treasure}

i love sunflower

~ dyana.su :)

Sunny room

2011-12-31T23:43:00.002+08:00

source

one fine day,

this is how it's going to look like, my room.

sunny, with lots of books and stuff.

and a reading nook.

sometime in future,

after a tiring day,

i'd be able to curl up and lost my self in a good read.

with a cup of hot chocolate or Milo, and some toasts. :)

where would the clothes be, you might ask?

well, be sure that dyana.su would have her walk in closet ready by then.

as it is, she's already using two cupboards to store all her attires.

one for the blacks & whites, the other for colorful ones.

as it is, she does dream of opening her own boutique. :)

but as it is... as it is for now.

dreaming of this is nice.

lots of loves sweethearts,

dyana

Kesayangan

2011-12-16T00:39:00.000+08:00

love, defined

Hidayah

2011-12-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

Hai!~

Cuba teka. Cuba teka?

Saya berjaya siapkan task hari ini di pejabat. Yes! Tak payah balik buat kerja. Tak payah tidur terjaga-jaga sebab tak tenang kerja belum siap. Tak payah tersentak terkejut jam empat pagi dan kemudian tersengguk-sengguk depan laptop untuk selesaikan homework. Alhamdulillah. :)

Kalaupun kerja itu mungkin esok akan diberi kritikan teruk oleh Madam, pun Alhamdulillah juga. Kalau kena tegur esok, saya betulkanlah lagi. Bukanlah susah sangat. Sepanjang setahun ini, saya belajar dengan sangat banyak untuk menerima kritikan. Tak kiralah bila kena marah sebab suara terlalu perlahan dijamin akan kena belasah dengan Mr. Rajesh, atau terlalu lembut tak mungkin akan survive dalam criminal court, atau tak buat research yang cukup fakta yang dikemukakan tak kukuh, atau apa-apa sahaja lah. Saya lihat kawan-kawan semua pun kulit sudah tebal-tebal, kalis peluru sebarang kritikan.

Adik-adik, kritikan adalah makanan harian LLB, kamu tahu kan? Sila bersedia, okey? :)

Hari ini sekali lagi Madam panggil saya Hidayah. Dah lebih tiga kali saya betulkan: “Dyana, ma’am – My name’s Dyana.” Dia masih suka panggil saya Hidayah. Oh, saya redha sahajalah. Suka lagi. Semoga kata-kata Madam itu doa, supaya Allah selalu iringkan perjalanan hidup saya dengan petunjuk hidayah DIA. Amin~ :)

Okay, mahu pulang dahulu. Salinan passport Australia, esok sahajalah saya rekaciptakan. Haha.

Tata~

Kesukaan

2011-12-04T11:48:00.000+08:00

Cuba teka apa kesukaan yang dah lama dyana.su tinggalkan? Tekalah sekarang, tekalah! Kalau betul saya bagi 5 markah, campur hadiah bonus senyuman manis cap Darlie. Camni ^______________^.

Tak nak? Ah. Tak nak sudah. Saya jawab sendiri.

Membebel lah. Membebel. Saya dah lama sangat tak membebel dekat sini, kan? Kan? Saya tanya ni, jawablah~ (bosan rupanya cakap seorang-seorang.)

Assalamu’alaikum!~

Maaf lambat bagi salam. Maaf juga mengabaikan blog ni lama-lama. Kononnya saya banyak kerja. Kononnya saya tak mahu buang masa bercakap benda kosong kurang faedah. Kononlah. Sekarang pun saya sedang membazir masa sebab sepatutnya saya siapkan JV agreement, tapi seharian sudah saya cuba fokus tapi saya panggil macam mana pun, fokus buat ‘don’t know’ je dekat saya. Kurang hasam.

Fokus tak mahu layan saya sebab dia kata hati saya sedang melayang, serupa dengan aliran fikiran, semuanya terbang mengikut perasaan. Terbang pergi Negeri Sembilan. Ikut siapa entah. Oh, lupa, ikut belahan hati yang dah lari dari rumah. :(

Jadi sehari-hari sejak pulang dari hospital sampai sekarang saya merayap-rayap mencari ketenangan. Pergi office juga tak senang duduk, asyik keluar masuk. Pergi memakan udang sebesar tapak tangan semata-mata nak mencabar teori yang dyana.su allergic udang. Kemudian pergi tunjuk dekat classmate penuh berlagak, tengok-tengok rashes tak ada kan? Tak adakan? Sesak nafas sahaja yang ada. (Ya Allah ampuni saya)

Entah apa yang nak dibebelkan sebenarnya, sebab sekarang dunia saya tunggang terbalik. Entah macam mana mahu betulkan balik, taruk kutub utara dekat utara, kutub selatan dekat selatan. Memang saya tak tahu. Kalaulah dunia saya hanya sebuah globe yang saya boleh betul-betulkan pakai tangan, kan senang?

Ah, tiada masalah yang tiada penyelesaian, kan? Siapa cakap? Sayalah yang cakap. Dyana.su yang selalu pandai menasihati orang. Dia juga pernah kata, melarikan diri bukan penyelesaian. Pernah kata, keeping grudge is too heavy a burden. Pernah kata, masalah macam hujan, kalau tak ada hujan, tak ada pelangi. Memang banyak lah yang dia dah cakap sepanjang 26 tahun hidup, dan satu persatu kata-kata dia diuji, tahu?

Jadi, ketahuilah, Dyana su dah tak berani cakap banyak sekarang, okay?

Hai, bertabahlah, dyana. Bertabah!

Sekian leteran hari ini. Babai!

p.s: nanti kalau saya berjaya betulkan kedudukan kutub utara dan selatan, saya bebelkan kisah yang lebih menarik, okay? See you!

Love,
Dyana {senior LLB yang baik, walaupun berlagak} ^^,

Anxiety disorder, is it?

2011-11-05T03:00:00.001+08:00

Do you know what my dreams were always about?
The ones that I actually remember, that is.

i. Missing a test! (oh I'm late.late!)
ii. Getting scolded by lecturers ("you are not going to pass this!")
iii. Not knowing today is the date to hand in assignments (oh no. oh no!)

.... and today,
iii. Petition. Petition. Petition! and Affidavit.

Must be the side effect of Ethics, huh?

..or it could be that I have some sort of anxiety disorder.

anyway, something MUST be wrong with me.}

=.+

Not that fragile

2011-10-28T19:23:00.000+08:00

Skyscraper

Skies are crying, I am watching

Catching teardrops in my hands

Only silence, as it's ending

Like we never had a chance

Do you have to make me feel like

There's nothing left of me

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears, I awaken

And untangle you from me

Would it make you, feel better

To watch me while I bleed

All my windows still are broken

But I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

Go run, run, run

I'm gonna stay right here

watch you disappear

Go run, run, run

It's a long way down

But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have

You can break everything

I amLike I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

Mindy!~

2011-10-21T13:05:00.001+08:00

credit: devianART

WHOLE WIDE WORLD

Mindy Gledhill
(I heart her!)

I'm gonna walk a hundred miles

I'm gonna whistle all the while

If that's what it takes to make me smile

I'm gonna walk a hundred miles

I'm gonna run right up this hill

Summer sky or winter chill

If I gotta take a break I will

But I'm gonna run right up this hill

I wanna hold the whole wide world

Right here in my open hands

Maybe I'm just a little girl

A little girl with great big plans

I'm gonna go and take a chance

I'm gonna learn to ballet dance

Learn a little something 'bout romance

I'm gonna go and take a chance

I'm gonna live a crazy dream

Impossible as it may seem

Doesn't matter what the future brings

I'm gonna live a crazy dream

I wanna hold the whole wide world

Right here in my open hands

Maybe I'm just a little girl

A little girl with great big plans

I wanna hold the whole wide world

Right here in my open hands

Maybe I'm just a little girl

A little girl with great big plans

You tell me, "don't try it"

I'm warning you that I won't buy it

All failure is fleeting

I trust it always has its meaning

I wanna hold the whole wide world

Right here in my open hands

Maybe I'm just a little girl

A little girl with great big plans

I wanna hold the whole wide world

Right here in my open hands

Maybe I'm just a little girl

A little girl with great big plans

Always.

2011-09-18T02:59:00.000+08:00

This was written sometimes in January. For someone really special. Whenever I dig into my "diary" folder, I often found these kind of thoughts, written down and then forgotten. But you see, as we're counting our days of being together, and now that separation is so near... I wish you to know this:

***

January 17, 2011

{To: You know who you are}

I was kind of angry the other day... More hurt than angry, I think. But I recall this:

:: when I left my laundry in the washer and headed for school, I came back home to see that not only they were already hung in the drying line, they also smelled of my rose softener. It was easy to guess that you must’ve finished my washing for me. As you did so many times before.

:: everytime I weep, not simply cry but weep, there was always a hand that would caress my back, softly, soothingly... even when I was hiding in a secluded room. Even when I do not want you or any other people to find out. Even when I never actually tell the reason behind the tears... you would not question, you simply would always be there.

:: when I was angry at something or someone, and rant on and on and on (sometimes unreasonably) you would always take my side. Silently, you would stay by me, protectively even, and accompany me until I was calm enough. Nobody else does it the way you do.

These, not yet counting the many times when you endure my moodiness... is enough to make me realise... I have no right whatsoever to be hurt.

So I pray, that the gloominess that dawns upon you would be lifted... that you would be happy again.. that you would become yourself soon... and that you’ll let me in again, to share whatever it is that caused you so much misery..

And I’m sorry. I’ve been bustling about almost non-stop, that I may seem uncaring... but I do care. You know I do.

Because I love you fillah.

***

Today

I still love you the same.

2011-09-17T00:53:00.004+08:00

.. sayu.

Just another rant..

2011-09-07T02:18:00.000+08:00

There was this one day that I questioned my youngest sister on her choice of hair band. She bought this kind of colourful spring twirl elastic (actually have no idea how to describe it) but the thing is, if you have thick hair then it would expand and never come back to its original size. Did you buy them just because they are pretty? Who taught you that? were the questions I shot at her.

Her simple answer was, “you, kakak.”

Hey, I often opted for pretty things, yes. I have good eyes for pretty things (and people) when I care to pay attention (when I don’t, I’d go out wearing mismatched clothing, un-ironed blouse, or wearing all black – easy peasy, and I couldn’t care less). The important thing is, even when I’m often pulled by beauty, I always take into consideration their practicability (except perhaps.. that one time when I bought a pair of pretty green shoes and wore it only twice, or thrice because: 1. they hurt my feet. 2. They are green! Hard to match with my clothes which mostly are blacks and whites these days. 3. They got dirty so easily and I was super lazy to clean shoes up.)

Anyway.

My little sister is an interesting subject that I often want to talk about. My friends must be really tired of my rants about her. Hoho. See, she’s currently living a life that I dreamt of. Carrying that big bag containing all those arty stuff. All those shades of markers, colour pencils, and pens. Jealous! I wanted so bad to become a graphic designer once upon a time, remember? I spent hours browsing arty stuff at an art/stationary shop in Section 2 and never got tired of doing it. But when I saw her dotting her drawings (I never know drawing can be so very tedious!) in black pen, so patiently, I was so very thankful that I end up in legal fields. Yes I’d rather read all those 3 inches law books than staring at white canvas for hours and hours. Obviously, patience is not one of the virtues that I possessed (oh yes, I do have some. virtues, I mean.)

The thing is, I remember the time when she used to copy paste my html coding into her own web design. Back then it wasn’t as pretty as mine was, haha! In form 3, she still asked me to help her designed class’ brochure. But overtime, she managed to master Photoshop much better than I do. She was passionate in photography and stuff and now she is on her way of becoming an architect, or interior designer, or town planner, whichever she chooses to be in future.

Oh my sister has grown up! It's hard for me to accept that fact. Huh.

Gosh. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this. =p

The thing is, I am currently living the life of an only child. And having the privileges of one. I have the upper floor of our home all to myself, to do whatever I please. To choose whichever rooms and whichever beds I want to sleep in. But see, it wasn’t that nice. One morning I woke up and went to the bathroom, and saw this:

... a lonely toothbrush in a clear glass.

Alone, when yesterday there was another to accompany her. And others which were not kept in the same glass, but were still just around. When you are used to have so many siblings, and being around little children all the time... well, being alone is no fun.

Still, I am not that enthusiastic about going back to Shah Alam and starting school again.

No, I dread going back to school.

Scared, in fact. For my mind is totally blank, as if I haven’t even got that degree in legal studies...

*sigh*

Anyway.

I think it's not to late to wish you, my friends...

Eid Mubarak!~

Hope you have had a wonderful eid. Because I had.

Selamat Hari Raya from the princesses of the Sulong clan!~

2011-08-06T02:35:00.000+08:00

Didn’t I tell you that children tend to fall in love with me? More often than not anyway~ Haha berlagak habis.

Now, let me start this entry by being thankful that I am blessed with at least two little children (even if they’re not my own) who have so much nonsense coming out from their little mouths that I often couldn’t help laughing. And then I would surely get a good scold from that tiny mouths for laughing out loud, which I presumed, baffled their minds much.

Next, let me tell you one cute story of what happened at Tarawih today. I brought Ihsan today, as I often did. And he behaved himself so well... okay at least better than before. You’ll see what I mean if you happened to see us on our first tarawih together: I got so many pitying looks that said:

‘kasihan ibu muda tu tak boleh nak control anak dia, mesti first time solat jemaah kat masjid’

Haha. Probably because he never stop running from the end of the row to my front, and hugged me and went away again, climbing up the tembok making me feel like my heart was dropping to the floor, then suddenly baca al-fatihah kuat-kuat sengsorang but refused point blank to stand properly and perform the prayer.. haish.

Today was different. Ihsan promised not to walk in front of me while the prayer was performed and actually kept that promise, managed to perform Isyak all four rakaat (not very silently) besides me and then, silently, he fell asleep. =p

Now you probably think that if it is such a hassle bringing a child with you for Tarawih then you might as well just leave him at home. But: One, he refused to stay at home, always wanting to come along, and would make such a racket crying so badly if we leave him. Kasihan, see? Two, I personally think that it was an education for him, how to behave in public, and he eventually get along very well with me and would listen to me most of the time, too, so it was worth all the troubles, really. See the little bit of selfishness there? I like it when he minds what I say. :)

But see, I’ve gone off topic again, Ihsan isn’t supposed to be the hero of our story.. it’s a little girl, an unknown little girl. Probably two years of age, or maybe one and a half. A tiny thing with watery eyes, obviously had just been crying, carrying a yassin with her. Note that she was wearing a sweet gown, no pants - sexy, but had a little hijab on. Super cute. This little girl came out of nowhere to the place where I sat with Ihsan sleeping on my lap, while listening to the tazkirah...

I thought she was lost. She seemed purposeful in coming up to me, like nak mengadu something.. she sort of wanting a cuddle, too. So I asked her... where’s your mama? Ummi? She answered, ibu.. then, tak nak! The way Aisyah always says tak nak when she was cranky. I was a bit confused, and I looked around. At the back I saw a woman waving her hand at the girl, and I mouthed the words “anak akak ke?” from afar and the woman answered “ya, merajuk”. Her older sister came later to pick her up from me, wiping her tears.

It was funny, isn’t it? How a child so young can be so trusting... I was a total stranger, after all. It simply is dangerous, isn’t it? Why she chose me among the many mothers around (saya selalu tersalah masuk ke golongan ibu-ibu kebelakangan ini) was baffling too. Of course, everytime things like this happened, it made me perasan I have a special bond with children. Bear with me, will you? It is not that often I can be this perasan. :)

Oh yes, Ramadhan Kareem, everyone!~

I don’t know but every time it is Ramadhan, tranquillity comes along with it. I am not well, once more. I am weak. I cannot eat much, I have no appetite, still. Even threw up everything I ate for sahur once or twice. My allergic reactions tripled that my face are affected too. But despite all these, I feel quite blessed. My family, my big family, is around. I got to eat my Mom’s cooking almost every day. I am happy, I laughed quite a lot.

I do not know what the future holds for me, but I am content with everything I have at the moment.

Like my sweetheart said, Allah kan ada.

It’s Ramadhan, and I feel Allah is nearer than ever. It's Ramadhan, and I know people I love, who have passed away, are not being tortured... I know arwah Tok, Tokmah, Tokman, Tokki, and Tokki Abd Rashid, are doing fine up there.. and I know, for sure, that Syairah is in heaven.

Al-Fatihah.

She's gone, forever.

2011-07-25T01:20:00.005+08:00

When my grandmother passed away... when my grandmother passed away...

I didn’t know what to do. I went blank.

The thing that kept being repeated in my head was: I should’ve gone back with Hilmi. I should be there already. Why didn’t I?! Dad said she was very weak. He didn’t say nazak or anything like that... My sister and family was sick, still are, and I didn’t have the heart to leave her to deal with it all alone... but shouldn’t I just go? BIL kan ada, after all.

The thing I kept repeating in my head was... I didn’t visit her last time I was home. I didn’t even step out of the house. I was so sick. I spent 3 days indoors. I haven’t seen her since last Raya! I haven’t gone back to Terengganu for a long time. That other time, two days, first day kenduri, second day terperap kat rumah. What was I thinking?

The thing I kept thinking was... I should’ve been a better granddaughter... Tok often told me she loves me a lot, told me I was the one who resemble arwah tokki Abd Rashid the most... she always wanted me to be with her, to live with her...

I should’ve visited her more often... I really should...

My grandmother... my grandmother...

I remember the budu and jantung pisang she made for me when Mama went to JB when arwah Tok Man was gravely ill, leaving me with Tok. That was the first time I tasted that kind of food, I was already ten, I was sulking the whole day, my energy was spent, crying at the beach because I felt so very abandoned. Kak Ana pujuk, Tok pujuk.

I remember those times I spent playing in that old, really old wooden house the floor creaked every time I walked... but so beautiful, so beautiful because when I woke up early in the morning... I see the sun rising from that hill in the middle of the sea...that hill, which is an island... Kapas Island... at the back my grandmother’s house... the first time I saw that, I was very little, four or five years old, I do not remember, but I know... that was when I fall in love with sunshine, the glory, the beauty, the hope of a new day... That love, from my grandmother backyard...

I remember one night, in her shop at Rhu Renggeh, she asked me... “nanti bila tok sakit... dah tak larat... nanti siapa yang nak mandikan tok... bersihkan najis... kalau tok sakit...” I was so young, I was so tactless, I immediately answered, “kakak tak mboh”...

And true, years afterward, in my teenage years... Tok kena strok. She had all the common diseases of an elder person. I was not around much, Mom did all the caring, Mom and then my aunt, Mak Zah... Kak Ana was better with Tok, more patient, more caring...

When my grandmother passed away... I went blank. I didn’t know what to do. Kak Ana, when I called her, was crying... she told me I should discuss how to get home... back to Terengganu. Yes, that’s what I should do. I should go back.

I called my sister in Puchong. She can’t decide, husband was not around, he can’t be reached, Also, brother in law was going for umrah the next day, and she has a three month old baby, she didn’t think driving was an option...

My sister in Putrajaya... was sick, her 8 month old baby was down with high fever. The other toddler was having fever, too. All three were in no condition to travel far...

My sister in Petaling Jaya, was in the middle of exam...

When it comes to decision making, hear me world, being this person called Dyana sucks big time!

Alone, then. I must go home alone.

Airplane, then, if I want to be there in time for the funeral... Come on, any airplane. MAS, Air Asia, Firefly... please, anything, just please be available.

No, they decided. “we are all fully booked”.

From KLIA, BIL drove me to Putrajaya Central... to get a bus.. nope. Ticket habis. Semua habis.

And that was the time when... I started to feel... so alone in this world.

Alone. Despite being surrounded by people.

Alone. Because nobody seems to understand the need I feel... to get home. For arwah Tok. Even if it was late. Nobody seems to think that I might just want to be there. I want to see Mak Zah. I want to hug her, even for only a while. I want to see Tok’s grave, at least. I want to be there during tahlil. I don’t care about all the khilaf on tahlil. I don’t care. It’s being present that was important to me... I don’t care if I have to drive all the way! I just want to get there.

But I know. Papa won’t let me.

And more alone... because when I was getting ready to get on the 9 AM bus home, Dad called.

“Semua dah selamat, kakak tak payah baliklah...”

Rationally, I knew he was right. I am much needed here more than in Terengganu.

Emotionally, I was angry. Angry. So very angry. Sad. So very sad...

Tok, maafkan kakak... tak balik tengok Tok kena kebumi... Kakak tak pernah cakap, tapi kakak sayang Tok...

~ Al-Fatihah, untuk arwah Tok saya... Ya Allah, tolong tempatkan dia dikalangan hambaMu yang beriman. ~

Matahari

2011-06-29T13:20:00.001+08:00

It's a wonder how the sun can brighten up the day, lift your mood to do wonderful things (er. like laundry?) and move around going places...

I wish heart and soul that my SUN is here today.

But.

as it is, it's raining and gloomy and made me sleepy...

But.

a happy day still, I believe.

Just smile, people :)

Rants of no importance

2011-06-24T12:16:00.001+08:00

I am leaving, I think. After I sort out a few things here, then I won’t be around as much. As to where I am going, well, I should have gone long before and save everyone the need to .. well, to do some unnecessary things and spend so much money on something that alas, didn’t seem to be working very well. I shouldn’t have been so selfish.

I will lose much of my freedom... but, as it is, I don’t really know what to do with all the freedom I have.

But please remind me to sort everything out first before I go anywhere. I can't simply neglect my responsibilities.

Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean I’m leaving this blog or anything like that. But I do wonder if I’m going to write as much. Since you know.. If I got too engrossed I might neglect this space altogether, which I already did, few times already.

For some unidentifiable reasons, my mood these days isn't that cheery. As such, my eating habit has gone downwards and shows no signs of coming up again anytime soon. I know I'm being cruel to my body, but I can't help it sometimes. I even stop forcing others to eat, because, well, I don't feel like it. I try to summon the motivation to brighten up myself, and others around. I did fairly well for a while, but it didn't last very long..

I blame it all on hormone activities. Thank you.

I had a weird dream this morning. Maybe because I put my earphone on while reading and so when I drifted off, the songs got into my dream. I actually forgot what that dream was all about... but the feelings lingered.... long after I woke up.

Okay, see, there’s no purpose in this writing. So, let’s go do something beneficial, alright?

Ciao.

Objectively Speaking

2011-06-22T10:46:00.002+08:00

Saya pernah terbaca, bahawa, cinta bukan hanya satu kata sifat, cinta juga adalah kata kerja. Bila ia kata kerja, ia jadi perbuatan. Ia sesuatu yang dilakukan dengan minda yang sedar. Boleh dikawal.

Kisahnya begini. Ada seorang lelaki datang bertemu seorang kaunselor, katanya dia kini tidak lagi serasi dengan isterinya, lantas mahu berpisah sahaja. Katanya, antara mereka sudah tiada cinta.

Maka, sang kaunselor menasihati. Cinta itu pernah ada. Cinta, seperti perasaan apapun, ada bertambah, ada berkurang, sampai masa mungkin hilang. Cinta, walau bagaimana pernah mekar pun, kalau tidak dibaja, disemai, dipelihara, akan layu, akan pudar, akan tinggal kenangan yang hanya sayup-sayup seperti bunyi gema dalam sebuah gua setelah lama menerima sebuah jeritan yang pernah begitu lantang bagai guruh.

CINTA, kerana ianya adalah suatu perbuatan yang dilakukan dalam sedar, maka bila ia makin pudar boleh kembali dipupuk, disiram air, biar segar semula. Kata kaunselor itu hanya satu: CINTAILAH ISTERIMU SEMULA. Bila ditanya, bagaimana? Hanya dengan cinta. Bercintalah.

Saya kira, bila cinta adalah perbuatan yang dilakukan dalam sedar, maka pasti ia juga boleh ditiadakan dalam sedar juga bukan?

Terutama dalam cinta berbentuk sia-sia. Cinta yang bukan pada tempatnya. Kita tahu ada perasaan, tapi jika tidak digula-gulakan lagi perasaan itu dengan sebuah perhubungan, lama-lama perasaan akan hilang juga bukan? Perasaan itu asalnya hanya sayup-sayup bisikan hati. Asalnya hanya itu.

Beritahu saya, adakah kamu setuju?

Cinta yang bukan pada tempatnya, jika tiada berhubungan, tiada bersilih ganti ucapan sayang dan rindu, tidak ditambah baja hadiah dan cenderahati, tiada diberi siram pertemuan demi pertemuan, bolehkah ia hilang dari ingatan? Boleh bukan?

Saya fikir pasti boleh. Kata sang kaunselor, cinta itu kata kerja. Cinta itu perlukan perbuatan. Tanpa perbuatan-perbuatan yang boleh menyemai suatu perasaan, cinta bisa hilang.

Nah, bukankah itu jawapan yang kamu cari?

Sekarang sedang ribut taufan. Jalan juga tidak ternampak, kabur terhalang dek hujan. Jadi usah peningkan kepala, usah resahkan hati. Ribut itu kerja Tuhan. DIA sahaja yang berkuasa mengadakan, dan mentiadakan. Apa kudrat kita yang hanya hamba ini? Kalau begitu takdirnya, akan jadilah juga.

Sekarang sedang ribut. Tunggu teduh dulu, tunggu keadaan tenang. Baru buat keputusan.

{ada ais dalam hati : this whole post was written down in less then 15 minutes}

My Little Guy

2011-06-20T00:23:00.004+08:00

suddenly he's already 4 years old

The thing about this little guy is...
He loves me,
Like, unconditionally...
Like, I don't even know why he does...

Ok tipu. Dulu-dulu saya adalah kenyit-kenyit mata mengorat dia (here), but then isn’t children supposed to forget about the people they were infatuated with, after some time?

I mean, just look at Aisyah: Once upon a time she looked at me so adoringly you can see stars in her eyes, but now what happened? If I scold her a bit she’ll tell me,

“Aisyah tak sayang Aunty Didi!! Nak Cu Ina! Nak Che Nor! Nak Abiiiiiiii!!!”

Kecik hati tahu? T________T

Anyway, this little guy... is as sweet as honey.

I only have to tell him, “Syamil come here Didi wants to snap pictures with you” and he obediently came and smile at the camera. If you wonder why I said that is so sweet...

Well, try to stop little boys from running around the house (with a bunch of playmates chasing after a ball and shouting excitedly) for thing as vain as snapping-pictures-because-aunty-wants-to-have-the-latest-memory-of-you and see how they respond.

And.

Without often meeting him, without always skyping, without even calling... he remembers me, each time we meet, without fail. And I'm flattered, every time.

Not to forget, there’s always that sweet shy smile... :)

Okay, sebenarnya saya rindu dia. Itu sahaja.

T_________T

Babai~

Primrose

2011-06-18T15:46:00.003+08:00

I can't read this without ending up crying...

{Not the primrose path}

A new hobby

2011-06-17T23:25:00.004+08:00

Now, to tell the truth, I’ve bought some books to be read during holidays. And, in addition to that, I’ve collected some more old books from home, quite a lot, actually, bringing them with me to be read again. But... I don’t do much reading...

I do work. But my work starts in the evening. Or at night. So I usually have a lot of time during the day. Which is really really good. Because I’ve managed to settle the matter of finding a new house for us and things related to that... moving, I mean.

But.

I’ve been staring into space more than I do anything else. I’ve come to the point where, if you ask me to be your driver, or to accompany you anywhere, things I usually felt reluctant to do... I would gladly take up the offer. In fact, I’d be much thankful. Just give me something to do, so I won’t be left alone with my thoughts...

You see, my thoughts... they... they are kind of painful.

My rational mind doesn’t always comply with the wants of my heart, I tell you.

And. My heart is quite a stubborn thing, I’ve just now come to realise.

When both the mind and the heart want to win, what could an innocent, sweet girl like me do?

I can only look at them both, up, first at the mind, down, at the heart... up, down, up, down... haish. I get headache seeing them argue so much. It’s tiring, you know.

So I ignored them both and stare... into the space. Which is, nice.

I’m just trying NOT to think at all.

{I'm currently listening to this... again and again.
Dear Allah, grant me serenity, please...}

Union of two hearts :)

2011-06-14T19:26:00.001+08:00

Among our many kakak-kakak... oh yes, I got a number of kakak(s) too, even if I am forever called ‘kakak’ – that’s my nickname, if you have to know – oh okay I’m getting off topic even before starting so I’ll stop right away!

Ehem.

Let’s start again, shall we?

Among the number of kakak-kakak that we have, those which are not blood-related I mean, kakak H was the one we worried about the most (see, worrying about adik-adik is not enough, so the ever busy-body Dyana (accompanied by Bulan and Sutera) had to go and get worried about the older people also).

It’s not anything much to worry about, but, you know... this one kakak has the tendency to work mindlessly, and so very unselfishly, that she sometimes forgot that she too, is a person that needs to be taken care of. You sometimes hear that she was at one place, and then another, and then doing some other thing at some other place. You heard some years ago that she was so tired at the end of her day that she dozed off, dozed off, mind you, while riding a motorcycle. So you should understand what event that would’ve led to.

So when we got the news of her getting married, we were all super excited! It was high time someone else should care for her, she had sacrificed her life long enough for other people (I cannot imagine being half as selfless as she is – being the selfish-kind-of-girl that I am). When I said ‘excited’, I really mean the kind of giddy and screaming excitement that some girls could resort to when they receive such exhilarating news, even girls such as ourselves, you know, the very-sopan-kind of girls who, most of the time would cover our smiles and little laughs behind our hands (muntahlah, sila).

I heard their excited chatter (for, I can’t find other word other than excited here) while I was reading in solitary in my room upstairs. And when I was having a solitary reading time, disturbance such as those would irate me to no end... So I went half-way down the stairs, caught some of their excited conversation, picked up the main issue in that excited conversation, being “kakak H is getting married to none other than Abang D! – what a surprise! – nobody could’ve guessed! – there’s no hint whatsoever of their being in a relationship - sukanya!!!”

Oh. So that’s what it was all about...

And since I too, was quite happy with the news, I forgave the disturbance (Dyana mengada =_=) and went back to my reading... and only after Bulan came home did I discuss the matter again. Which was, of course we are going to their wedding. Of course we’ll do a convoy to Terengganu. And of course Bulan is going to see my house at last. :)

So that’s what last weekend journey to Terengganu was all about, you know. The wedding of this special person, who had been my mentor when I was in Jengka, her being the MPP that I could look up and made reference of – me being the green adik fresh out of school who suddenly finds herself holding a position without having any prior experience - and of course, she was also my mentor, and housemate, when I finally dragged my feet to shah alam, that is, after wrecking havoc in my own life being indecisive of what to do next and finding a new path to thread on.. why, in my first semester I used to follow her around all the time... to the end of the world and back.

But then she passed me her rein and I had to start making my own way. Still, she was mostly there for me to consult, all the way until I passed the rein to some other person.

She was one who never knows how NOT to be responsible, you see. So you’d find, only weeks before her wedding day, she was still in Shah Alam... still busy settling this and that (only a little portion of that this and that had anything to do with the wedding, the rest are business of another kind) and made us worried! I mean, come on, other women who are getting married would usually spend the last month to prepare physically and emotionally for the grandest event of their life. Going to spa... taking utmost care of their skins, wanting to look their best... all the vain things we women tend to be fond of... okay, so I actually don’t really know, but that kind of things lah kan? I mean, I knew my sister kind of did that.

So, Bulan and I had contemplated persuading her to GO BACK TO TERENGGANU, like, right away, kak. Don’t stay here anymore! Let some other people handle the works here! Go get some rest, kak! (but then I got called to Puchong, and I forgot to meddle in other people business for a while)

Oh. Of course our worry had a base. The moment I arrived back in Shah Alam... a week before the wedding, I received the news that kakak H got into an accident and had her hand broken, and it was her right hand............................... ! (she already had her limb broken once before in that motorcycle accident!)

But you see... there are things that you need to know about people like her. People who made sacrifices, regardless of their own well being, people who only wanted Allah’s blessing and didn’t care about what others (people like yours truly) think about them.

You see, what was said in the holy Quran was never wrong... “Intangsurullaha yangsurkum” Jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, nescaya DIA akan menolongmu. :)

Jadi untuk kakak H, SEGALANYA ALLAH PERMUDAHKAN.

It was a simple, yet meaningful event. With all her lack of time and sources in preparing for the event, her bridesmaid Sutera reported that it was easy for her to find all that she needed. From baju nikah, to hantaran(s). And, being the kind-hearted person that she was, everyone was wanting to lend a helping hand. So many people came to the wedding. So many well-wishes that she (and husband) received. The parent was quite surprised to see the number of turned-ups, we even made the mother cried when we were having a rakaman video session at the house. Simply, the wedding went on smoothly. It clearly was such a blessing. She was happy, as in BAHAGIA. We were, and still are, very happy... to see her settled and in bliss.

I told you, Segalanya Allah permudahkan. :)

{Video here!}

May your union in marriage be blessed with many happy days ahead, dear kakak, until the end of time... membawa ke syurga~ :)

....

This long rants was written as a remedy for Miss Dyana in curing her cramps. She made a magnificent finding today: that is, instead of applying medicated oils and taking a rest in lying down (or worse, resorting to taking painkiller drugs, again) a mug of hot drink and sitting in front of her laptop typing away her thoughts (and rambling whatever comes to her mind) proved to be much a better cure. And listening to a soothing song such as Mengemis Kasih definitely soothes the tumbling heart. She definitely got to be strong. :)

Terengganu, my love ~

2011-06-12T13:51:00.008+08:00

Ikhlas saya cakap. Sebenarnya tiada motivasi langsung untuk pergi kenduri. Langsung. Okay, itu kenduri salah seorang insan yang penting dan banyak berjasa dalam hidup saya. But if saya tak datang pun masih ramai orang lain yang akan pergi.. kakak itukan sangat ramai peminatnya, pasti dia tidak perasan ketiadaan saya. Ya, memang sudah sangat lama tidak pulang ke negeri Terengganu, tetapi kalau pulang hanya sehari dua apakah makna? Tidak puas langsung kan? Kalau seminggu barulah seronok.

Saya tak punya perasaan untuk pergi sebab saya tak dapat heret Baroness and Sunshine sekali. Okay, mungkin itu hanya sebab sampingan. Juga, saya tidak pasti dengan siapa akan pergi, naik kenderaan apa. Dan saya kurang berusaha untuk ambil tahu. Saya serahkan semua kepada belahan hati sahaja. Dan kalau bukan kerana dia begitu committed memastikan kami sampai juga ke sana, dan dengan tegasnya mengatakan “tidak, tak boleh, kakak kena pergi juga!”, pasti saya menurut sahaja permintaan abang ipar untuk menemankan kakak saya di rumahnya.

Still, petang hari kejadian, saya dan Bulan tetap pergi mencari hadiah, dan membeli snacks and stuff. Masih, malam hari kejadian saya lupakan laptop sementara untuk memastikan saya tak buat kerja kelam kabut.. I finished up my last laundry, hang those clothes, cleaned up the kitchen, fried some snacks, prepared coffee for the drivers… the usual things I always did when we went travelling…

See, I always love travelling of this kind. I truly love all those journeys with friends. Sebab orang kata bermusafir adalah cara yang paling berkesan untuk mengenali sahabat, bukan? So of course this time, the journey created yet another beautiful memory.

So now you can start smiling. :)

Because…

Well, because we, the Sumayyah siblings, are again united.. Along, Angah, Ayong, Anjang dan Ateh. Yes, only five of us out of the twelve, but we didn’t expect to be going together. We were kind of surprised when after the MBSA bus left, it was only us yang tinggal dan akan naik kereta bersama-sama. And when we arrived and Encik Macam Garang changed our two cars for his Innova (macam ni ke ejaan dia?) all 6 six pricesses (us plus kak syam) got to travel in the same car. Ah, pastilah terlalu banyak ketupat yang dianyam bersama-sama. Berbakul-bakul, dengan perisa utama Sang Mantan Ketua.

Yes, we had tons of fun together~

First stop was rumah Encik Macam Garang. His mom made us Nasi Kerabu. The guys were busy mengorek siapakah bakal menantu si ibu (orang mana? ada tak dikalangan mereka ni, makcik? - hamboiii korang…). And among us, those who knew tried to keep their lips shut so as not to bocorkan rahsia. Kelakar je, sebab sepatah dua Ayong terjawab la jugak. But don’t worry, rahsia mereka masih selamat.

Then, they sent us girls to a homestay to rest a while and then get ready to get to the wedding. Left to ourselves, we had a grand time fooling around. We didn’t bring any camera (what a pity!) thus we did our photoshoot (gambar raya style) using phone camera. Pathetic! Haha. And guess what? We almost rosakkan the mesin basuh!

And Bulan and I, we wore the same kurung that day. :) (okay, so we did this quite a number of times already =p)

See, Mun has this one black and white kurung her mother bought for her, and when I saw the same one at a shop somewhere in shah alam I went and bought it. Since kak hasbiyana’s theme color was black and white, we figured it’d be fun to wear those. Of course we actually had a plan untuk jatuhkan her original bridesmaid, si Gadis Sutera, and replace her. Nampak tak itu tanduk? Tapi sebab tengok jadi bridesmaid kak bi cam penat sangat je… ke hulu hilir je… tak jadilah! Haha~

Then we went to Kuala Terengganu, stopping for a good half an hour, or maybe more, at Kelulut for keropok lekor. That’s when I took the chance to sleep. Mind you, I didn’t get much sleep the night before, since it was Ayong who drove half the journey and so I stayed awake temankan dia. And the other half of the journey, when Mr Z took over, his co-pilot turned the radio full blast and they chat at full volume too, so how could one find peace to nap, right? Also, I grew up eating keropok lekor, so sleeping is more important to me. But it was delish, that keropok they bought. I had a taste some, after being forced to enter real world again when they get back inside the car.. a bit cranky since my precious sleep was disturbed. =p

But hey, angin pantai was such a luxury! And Terengganu is undoubtly beautiful!~ It was so very nice to be in Terengganu again after such a long absence. It feels like ages not seeing those coconut trees… the sand, the kampong houses along the way… the peaceful sceneries…

Okay, sambung cerita. We get to Fizul’s house late. I missed seeing Tipah. However, we got a VIP treatment. We were lost, see, can’t find the house, but the groom himself naik motor datang ambik kami. We even eat with the bride herself. Preserved that memories in pictures and vid (we brought the professional videographer with us, tahu? That spyware-hacker guy :)) and off we went.

To la mia casa~ :)

It wasn’t in the plan, as Mantan Ketua clearly mensindir. “Rumah siapa ni? Langsung tak ada dalam jadual perjalanan. Siapa buat keputusan ni?”. Menyampah. Menyampah. =p

See, I didn’t really know if it was okay to bring my friends home, since, I thought Mama was alone and there’s no one to help her so it would be quite menyusahkan right for her to prepare for guests that many all alone. Kalau perempuan sahaja tak apalah. But kak ana was around, and Mama would obviously be mad at me if I didn’t come home at all.

So Encik Macam Garang was kind enough to stop for Maghrib prayer here, and they had some more snacks (I have no idea how much they ate – starting from that nasi kerabu in the morning to… I guess they must’ve eaten again in Kuala Berang before going back).

And~

This is the first time my sweetheart arrived at my house, the place where I grew up. I was excited to bring Mun here. I mean we’ve been friends for 6 years or so but she has never seen it (and I’ve never been to her house, too). I mean, I brought her everywhere else already: Puchong, Putrajaya all over the world but to this place called my actual HOME, this is the first time! Haha. Sounds over excited enough? :)

And so they left me here and continue their journey back to Shah Alam…safely arrived today at 7.30 am, Bulan reported. Alhamdulillah. :)

And I watched that game between Terengganu and Kelantan!

Sebenarnya tengok dalam mimpi… macam ni: kutuk-kutuk sekejap – bosannya diorang ni main apatah macam budak sekolah je tak ada pun cubaan nak sumbat gol ke hape (macam engkau tu expert lah bab main bola ni ya, dyana? =p) – gelap… – gol!! – pa sapa sumbat gol? Kelantan. Ala mana boleh macam tu! Terengganu main betul-betullah sikit camane ni haish nak habis masa dah – berubah alam lagi… gelap… – gol!!! – saper saper gol? Kita! Oh bagus-bagus hahaha at least seri tak malu sangat (mana boleh final berakhir seri, pandai)– alam hitam pekat…. – kakak? Kakak? kakak bangun pergi tidur betul-betul, naik atas. saper menang ma? Kita menang. Ye ke? Huhu… bagusnya…. – mamai mamai masuk bilik tidur :)

And that’s the end of yesterday.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! Tata~ :)

My Fight!

2011-05-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

Fighting Allergy I:

- No chicken

- No egg

- No seafood

- No staying up late

- Lots and lots of plain water.

... and a very strict self-DISCIPLINE.

*sigh*

Terima Kasih Cikgu!

2011-05-17T18:26:00.005+08:00

(I swear I wrote this yesterday, but I got distracted and was hauled away from my laptop to the end of the world and back, by BULAN, and only now I remember that I had written this much and didn’t post it – ah.. but now it becomes a belated wish. I’m crushed!)

MY TEACHER'S DAY WISHES

To my Father, to my Mother - who are my first teachers since birth, and were both teachers in profession. Thank you, for teaching me everything good and nice and kind, and raising me up to be the person I am today. All the things you both did for me, and still do, despite my constant tantrums and stubbornness, I cannot put in words. There are too many of them, too precious, too invaluable. I may not be the best of daughters one can have, but know that I tried, and will try some more, because despite everything, you both are my ultimate love in life. Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Papa.

To my sisters: Ruzanna and Rahifah Sulong, who were educated in IT and Economy respectively, but had chosen the path of educating the young minds of the society, and who are both passionate in their profession in their own ways. They too, as my elder sisters, had contributed a lot in my own education in childhood. They both were the ones who taught me ABC, and taught me to read, later on assisted me with my homeworks. They were the ones who were constantly there when I was a little girl, and convinced me that I was a bright child, that I can always be number one in class. I might not be the best younger sister one can have, but I do not forget. I remember this, and much more. Thus I pray, may all your efforts be blessed by the Almighty.

To my teachers in kindergarten, SK Padang Midin, SMKA Durian Guling, SMKA Sheikh Abdul Malek, SM Padang Midin.

I still remember Cikgu Dah, who was my kindergarten teacher, and my elder siblings’ and younger siblings’ teacher, too. It was funny, the way we lined up last Raya to salam her, when we met in a neighbour’s house. My eldest sister was 35 then, the youngest 17. But Cikgu Dah looked the same as she was to me when I was 5. She was still so very beautiful...

I remember the teachers in primary school, where I was coached to excel by among others.. Cikgu Kamisah, Cikgu Roslina Din, Cikgu Rohani and many more.. not only in education, but also in storytelling, poem reciting, pantun, public speaking, emceeing, science quiz, and netball. My teachers.. they consoled my tears quite a number of times, too.

SHAMS, my secondary school, where I grew up from a little girl to a teenager full of idealism. Sir Nasa planted in me a deep interest in English and in writing. Sir Amri convinced me to focus on debating, and I rather think that that was such a huge contribution in my life, as I am now in training to become a lawyer. Cikgu Aminah never fails to entertain us when we visited her home late in the afternoons, bored with our hostel life. Ustazah Rokiah never tires in her sermon to remind us to become good, and was always funny and fun to be with. Both were like our own mothers. Cikgu Adnan, the advisor of SHAMS Board of Prefects, always remembers me as Sanusi’s little sister. He taught us to widen our perspective of life, to see beyond the sheltered SHAMS’s Islamic environment. And I.. I appreciate each and everything these teachers, and many others, had done for us. Thank you, cikgu, ustazah, teachers, and sirs. Thank you.

And the rest of the schools mentioned, I had only spent little time, but no matter how brief my time was in those schools, I had learned. And what I had learned, I am determined to put them to good use and serve the society.

To all my lecturers: Faculty of Applied Science, UiTM Pahang

Pahang is sacred to me. I never visited it often, no I don’t. But UiTM Pahang remains in my heart as something special. I had teachers in form of the lecturers, of course. But I also had teachers among the staff. Those who taught me to become leaders. I thank them all.

To all my lecturers, Faculty of Law, UiTM Malaysia Shah Alam.

To all my BLS lecturers, of course, and especially to my LLB educators: Madam Asma, Madam Habibah Kiprawi, Madam Habibah Omar, Madam Syuhaeda, Madam Ismah, Madam Norita, Encik Yunus, Madam Rafidah, Puan Norila, and Encik Afif...

I thank you for giving me invaluable knowledge, for shaping my minds to see the world in its many dimensions, to think not only of myself but of others too. Thank you for all the creative methods in this training of becoming lawyers though at times it could be so challenging I wanted to give up and run away. Thank you for the kind words and the spirit lifter whenever you see us down and dispirited.. I cannot say it enough, I cannot thank you enough. But I really appreciate everything, I do.

To my Teacher friends:

Which are many: Ateh, Anje, Achik, Usu, Adda, Adawiyah Adam, Ain Kamarudin (do I spell it right?), Izzah, Ain Zaid, Muhaini, Cikgu Tuisyen, Mun Faza Syida etc, Cikgu-cikgu Taska Along, Andak, Ayong, Nuha and lots lots more... Happy Teacher’s Day!

... and to all MOTHERS in the world, because mothers are the best and first of all teachers, right? :)

SELAMAT HARI GURU

Rants

2011-05-13T10:00:00.002+08:00

Of all the things in the previous post, I’ve done all of them but one. That is, the one to buy something I’ve wanted for a long long time but never did, because I was too kedekut. Hoho. And now since I’ve finished up my shopping budget by buying books (which is much more satisfying, btw) I had to reserve that one particular item for next month’s pay. Pemboros as I am, I do know how not to overdo things at times. =p

You know.. it’s not like I’m very busy or anything, I actually do not know what to write. Haha. I don’t feel like sharing everything in my mind the way I used to. And I did write my thoughts down, but I kept them in my rants folder and they stayed there. Did you come here often? I’m sorry if you did. I don’t think anyone would. Huhu.

My current favourite song is ‘Impossible’ by Shontelle. But it has no relation whatsoever with my personal life. I just like the phrase ‘someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love – I did’. Okay, I don’t know what’s the point of telling you that. My housemate Nor has been giving me hints for listening to too much songs like that =p.

Okay, I really don’t know what to rant about. Let’s see what I want to do today, eh?

1. Pergi kedai Abang Zack, hantar yesterday’s borrowed stuff and pay him for the delicious food.
2. Pergi beli tiket balik Kuantan for my sister (who’s taking a day off to attend my convo! Loves~ muah muah!).
3. My laundry day today.
4. Masak gulai ikan patin.
5. Find tudung with my sweetheart. (looking forward to it!)
6. Teach at 6.
7. Dating Miss Baroness (I miss her)

What I did yesterday.

1. Arranged gathering – order food from Abang Z, order satay, beli cake! I love buying cakes. People love eating cakes. I love seeing people eating cakes. They look happy. I’m happy when others are happy. I thank cakes for bringing smiles so easily to people I love. Special thanks to Mantan Ketua for helping me with this gathering arrangement. Thank you to my lovely sisters and adik beradik tiri berlainan jantina for attending, and for all the best wishes sent in behalf of those who were absent. Sayang kamu semua dengan sepenuh hati. *Hearts flying*

2. I ate something delicious with Faza late in the afternoon. :)

3. Balut semua buku in my possession.

4. Oh. This one is exciting (at least to me, it is) I set up a new place in our living hall as my office. You see I have this Ikea stuff I never really made use of and now since I’ve removed my books and printer and stuff from the firm I have to have a place to put them. You see my book rack and mini table in Islah Mini Library is already overloaded, I had to find extra racks. So I just arrange those which can’t be fitted anymore down here. And I’m satisfied with the result. Loves~ :)

5. I did teach last night, even when I was actually in a rush. And you know? Kak ana gave me a bowl of nasi goreng ayam – which I ate – sedap. So I was already too full when I attended our reunion. I eat a lot 80% of my life. Another 20% I ate nothing at all – when I have no mood.

I went to the fresh market this morning and I think the prices there are much higher than buying things in supermarket. I used up RM10 for onions. Only onions. Isn’t that pricey? I actually don’t know whether or not it is. We bought ikan patin and chicken and lemon grass and chilli and okay I know you have no interest in knowing what I bought.

We had grand breakfast this morning. There’s bihun sup left over in which I added fresh chickens, and there’s doughnuts and leftover cakes and kome bought apam balik some more. Stuffed ourselves again this morning. Makan makan makan je kerjanya. They say I make people fat, the way I’m always eating and wanting others to do the same. But I simply like to see people eat. :)

I’m having rashes right now and getting itchy all over (nowadays it gets to my face too!) and thing is I have no way of knowing what food I’m actually allergic to since I could never managed berpantang on food. I just eat everything. Haish! And I’m done with taking pills. I don’t think they work. Bosan.

Eh. Tetiba banyak pulak dia melalut. *batuk-batuk*

And there’s no way to post this right away since blogger is in maintenance so nanti-nantilah ek. :)

Ok tata~

Another new day begin

2011-05-09T07:18:00.001+08:00

What I want to do today.

Service baby T. It’s been so very long.
Go to the office and pick up all my stuff. We had to clear everything since there’s going to be a renovation.
Go to the post office and pay the bills.
Go find and buy the book ‘eat, pray, love’.
Shop for something that I’ve wanted to buy for so very very long.
Get down to business – find a new house for us.

Let’s see if I can get any of these done.

{and yes, I still have to attend the second mock trial between Firm 2 and Firm 4 at 6 -_-"}

see you.

LLB Part 1 : Ended

2011-05-09T00:01:00.003+08:00

Subject: Criminal Trial and Advocacy (Mock Trial)
Case: Anti-Trafficking in Persons
Venue: Moot Court, Law Faculty
Time: 6:00 PM - 9:30 PM

the second witness - victim (in red)

court in proceeding, and these are my learned friends

Firm I : Prosecution - Firm 3: Defence

the one in white shirt at the center? that's our lecturer

It was my first time in deputy public prosecutor role.

Did I smile?
Trust me it was all bluff.
The smile i mean.
Tata, Part 1.

{sorry for the poor quality of the pictures but it was quite deliberate}

Exam Mode: ENDED

2011-05-03T21:55:00.002+08:00

*sigh*

the timetable

keserabutan, meja haslina yang saya buat macam harta sendiri =p

penawar hati penambah semangat sebab orang buatkan :)

Bila rasa macam... huh..

I don't think I changed that much. Here what it was like when I was Part 4, in most beloved and always remembered, Sumayyah House: our humble abode.

study atas carpet, sambil study sambil sibuk ambik tahu jadual exam orang lain, hence the self made calendar.

this is the most intimidating subject i've ever encountered in life -_-"

pemandangan yang tenang dari bilik study

dinding dulu, at least tak nyibuk menumpang meja orang hohoho~

rindu ketenangan baitul sumayyah, you can see my baby T :)

'ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

Lain kali kita bercerita ya.

~tata

Terima kasih :)

2011-04-20T22:31:00.004+08:00

Nak cerita. Nak cerita~ :)

Dah selesai paper Evidence, Alhamdulillah. :)
(tanak citer banyak-banyak tang ni hohoho)

Kebelakangan ini sangat malas memandu. Jadi pergi periksa pagi tadi minta jasa baik Baby Islah hantarkan. Pulang ke rumah pula minta jasa baik Rakan Sekelas tumpangkan. Lihat, bukanlah begitu susah jika tiada kenderaan. Dunia ini dipenuhi orang yang baik hati seperti mereka-mereka ini, bukan? (walaupun ada juga terfikir mahu berjalan sahaja – gatal kan?) Oh ya, terima kasih kamu berdua. :)

Perkara pelik hari ini ialah: Ibu Bapa Adik Lelaki Adik Bongsu dan Buah Hati datang ke Shah Alam dan singgah hanya lima minit untuk menghantar sebatang kunci yang kecil. Sebatang sahaja. Kunci bilik darjah F. Rasa bagai kurang berbaloi mensusahkan mereka begitu (can always pinjam kunci Adib bila kunciku hilang haha – oh lagipun Ira juga punya kunci sekarang). Terima kasih, keluarga.

Ada keinginan dihati untuk ikut pulang tetapi apakah yang akan terjadi terhadap pelajaran jika DyanaSu mengikut perasaan? Jangan bermain dengan masa depan, wahai diri. Kena kuatkan hati walaupun sangat tergoda dengan ingatan pada si montel Maryam. Husna juga. Terbayang-bayang. Ah, rindu bangat!

Tidak mengapa. Nanti cuti kita habiskan masa sepuasnya dengan keluarga, okay? Okay. :) (tetapi ini adalah impian yang amat diragui akan dapat dicapai. sekian.)

Hari ini juga telah berjalan merayap (walaupun majoriti masa dihabiskan duduk di sebelah pemandu dalam kereta) mencari kedai bundle. GPS yang digunakan adalah Sunshine. Terima kasih, kamu. Sepertinya ini kali pertama merayap di kedai bundle. DyanaSu ada sedikit ketidaksenangan hati dan sedikit skeptikal dengan tahap hygiene barang-barang bundle okay? Mungkin kerana pernah terbaca sesuatu tentang itu di dunia luas sesawang (baca: world wide web). Anak pakcik Alias juga sependapat dengan saya dalam soal ini, tahu? Mestilah, itukan belahan jiwaku haha. Tapi apa pendapat kamu?

Sedikit membuat muka apabila menteman kakakku yang seorang itu mencari barang yang dihajati. Tetapi kerana dia itu Ayang, maka kuturutkan sahaja. Sebab dah kena rasuah kasih sayang juga belanja makan tengahari yang cedap. Terima kasih Ayang. :)

Nak cerita juga, semalam ada angel berhati baik singgah di Islah. Tiba-tiba stok kopi Radix dan Mocha dan tomyam sedap terhidang depan mata. Macam Magik. Tetapi dia hadir macam choc fudge, sekejap ada sekejap lagi sudah terbang balik ke asalnya. Kurang sempat meluah perasaan. Haha. Orang busy, begitulah. Terpaksa memahami dengan banyak. :( Apapun, terima kasih ya adikku sayang. :)

Ok babai.
(er. Macam kurang tujuan dan tergantung sahaja cerita ni. Haha lantaklah)

Special dedication untuk Miss Baroness sila jawab paper esok dengan sepenuh hati sampai dapat A bolehkah? all the best!~ Usaha + doa, okay? :)

Peculiar

2011-04-15T01:59:00.003+08:00

My mind is quite silent these days, that’s why I don’t write as much. It’s kind of weird when my mind is quite. Because it usually isn’t. It usually is so full of noisy thoughts (they say those born in June are like that) I simply had to write them down. Because they are really noisy, see? They bugged me. =p

These days I had to think of what to write here. What happened, huh? Weird.

Hey, do you know? I have this peculiar habit of talking to myself. Does anyone else do that? This habit freaks people out sometimes. That includes my housemates. =p

So I rather think that writing is just another way to have ex parte conversation with oneself. A good way, too, since it improved one’s language somehow.

Thing is, talking to myself is one way to boost self-motivation, see? That’s how I turned every negative feeling in my most stressful times to positive thoughts. It works almost every time. In that, I don’t depend on others so much, emotionally. As long as I know that my roots are intact, and my circle of trusted friends is nearby, that knowledge is enough...

Although, to think about it, a note written at one’s board, saying things like, “Kakak, bertabahlah” or something similar did make me feel much loved, too. Great motivation, that one. :)

Dan kebolehan untuk mengadu domba di sana sini dengan kawan-kawan yang terpaksa menabahkan hati untuk mendengar juga adalah kurniaan Allah yang sangat saya syukuri. Bila dah kena “Is this the super Dyana that I know?” sebiji di dahi juga agak berkesan supaya mengurangkan sedikit perangai mengada-ngada.

Apa erti hidup jika tanpa ujian? Tabah, adalah satu kemestian. :)

I currently am much more in peace, and content, and thankful.

(which is why I don’t want to talk about my studies for a while, for it ruined this feeling of contentment -_-”)

See you.
^_^

Weekend Story

2011-04-11T22:15:00.002+08:00

Okay, just a quick update since I got viva and probate hearing tomorrow. -_-"

Last week was really stressful, I’m not going to lie. So stressful that I actually got sick and threw up, but I didn’t cry, so I think I’m getting stronger. I just have to like, shut myself from looking at, or listening to, all the bad things and focus in people’s kindness instead.

Everybody has a good heart, I have always believed that.

But from Saturday onwards, the sun shines again. :)

It’s due to the fact that from early in the morning, I’ve received a great news from my brother in law. That my sister had delivered a new baby girl at 6.15 a.m. and all was well with both mother and daughter. She was beautiful. :)

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah. Allahu Akbar.

I had Advanced Criminal Procedure test that day, in the morning, which took more or less, three hours. Was not an ordinary test, that one, and I don’t really know whether it was alright or not, since there were so many questions and they got really confusing. Sabar jelah. Then there was bahasa presentation, we did retorik penghujahan, I was moderator, which was kind of easier than the first role they put me into (ustazah, kot). Not that great, but it was not bad either. :)

Then petang-petang tu at about 6 p.m. I managed to persuade my housemates to accompany me berfoya-foya since I wanted to eat nice things like cakes, or hirup udara yang tak berapa segar dekat tasik or lepak at dhuha which is my favourite place at the moment, but then my brother called and offered to pick me up, and I simply left my bike with the engine still on and everything and ran upstairs to pack up, leaving my very patient housemates (who are the kindest of all people, with the most beautiful souls in the world) to go on their own. {sila fahami maksud tersembunyi ayat dalam kurungan tersebut}

But you know, the nicest thing that happened to me this weekend is seeing my parents, my greatest treasure in this world. I really am blessed. Alhamdulillah, syukur lillah. They give me this feeling of landing back where I belong, and my feet are back on the ground. Safe and sound.

Sunday morning was spent at Hospital Putrajaya, accompanying baby Maryam while her mother went home a while. Sangat kesian tengok dia macam tu (oxygen gas and cucuk sana sini and everything) but Maryam was as cute as ever. She is one tough baby. Please dear Allah, make her well again...

Afternoon onwards was spent helping kak eda and new baby settling back in Puchong. Trying to handle the very jealous and confused brother Ihsan (who suddenly isn’t the center of attention anymore haha) who refused to be called ‘abang’ (“ican bukan abang, ican baby!”). No worries though, since he was okay the moment girlfriend Aisyah came to visit and stayed the night with nenek and tokki. Pimpin tangan hulu hilir, geli je. Haha. =p

Girlfriend Ihsan :) (Tokki at the back)

Oh yes, my eldest brother and family came for a short visit too, so everybody was here this weekend. :)

That’s all I guess.

Special thanks to Nadira for spending the day with me today. I’ve found another kindred spirit. :)

Tata~

{You please stay strong too, okay?}

How do you decide?

2011-04-02T19:22:00.003+08:00

I’ve always had this problem with priority. Always. Like, all the time. Like, gosh what should I do, which program should I attend, should I go home or not?

(btw, I haven’t been to Terengganu for like, I don’t know! I don’t remember when I was last home... like, some time in the last semester? -_-”)

What would you do if you’re in my shoes?

What would you do if your own very pregnant sister had booked you 2 weeks beforehand just so you would be able to look after your nephew while she and husband attend an antenatal class. 2 weeks, mind you.

Why does she even have to book? (like, what? sometime in future my family have to make an appointment to see me?) She’s my sister for Allah’s sake, the same blood runs through our bodies. This is the sister who had taken your hand in hers, helped you cross the road, brought you with her to places when you were a little girl, perhaps the one who changed your diapers and fed you milk. Not you, ME.

This is family.

Same as being asked again and again could you please come over this weekend because I’m going outstation and your sister would have to handle the girls on her own, and your nieces aren’t that well in health either so we could really use your help.

I’ve said NO so many times. Because I’ve always had classes and tests and meetings and assignments and discussion and whatnot on weekends. And always end up feeling sooo guilty. Some of those times my MOM had to come over from TERENGGANU to replace me, mind you, and my mom is already 59, and she still travelled so many times to and fro, and many times DAD had drive Terengganu-Selangor, and Dad is already 62, and whatever he says about enjoying the long distance journey, fact is, it must be very tiring.

And when my niece is hospitalized do I even have an option? I’d say NO. I’d say I’d drop everything and fly back home (whichever home that is) if a family member is hospitalised.

Isn’t it enough that I didn’t even visit my Granny in the last weeks of her breath?

Isn’t it enough that I tangguh-tangguh-tangguh going back to my family during the time, when, my younger sisters, Nor and Syairah were both hospitalised for fever, because I thought it’s just fever it can’t be that fatal, and turned out it was Dengue and later on Syairah passed away?

Isn’t that lesson enough for me?

YES. They are.

From now on, family is my first and foremost PRIORITY. You can say whatever you want but I know that life is not something you can predict and what little time you have with your loved ones, those times are precious and if you never experienced things that I had, I guess you wouldn’t understand but I don’t want to live life in regrets, so.

I’m sorry for not being with all of you finishing up our bundle of works, I know I should have.

I’m sorry for not attending our program on Sunday, I know it is important, no matter what my perspective towards BM is, and I know I should’ve answer the texts but the sms are coming like, 5, 6 texts in a day? I’m sorry but it does become a bother and when there are so many things in your mind at once, you tend to put some things aside to be reviewed later, and yes, sometimes you forgot about it. Alright, not YOU, ME. ME. I tend to forgot to reply until it’s too late.

Ok, I don’t even know why I’m so emotionally hyped and defensive all of the sudden when nobody says anything but. There. I’m just venting my feelings, I guess.

..........

I am determined

2011-03-29T10:26:00.001+08:00

Sebab tempoh hari saya dah tersasul mengatakan:

"No uncle, I'm going to become one great lawyer and you're going to hear of me one day"

So now I vow to work harder.

Yosh!~

... My uncle was saying "dah macam guru besar dah i nampak you ni" - though I have no idea why, actually.. since I was at the moment, running back into the house to pick Aisyah's bottle left in the kitchen ...

{ Jangan mudah kalah dengan perasaan. Jangan mudah hilang pertimbangan. Hidup, adalah tentang USAHA. }

Diary

2011-03-28T01:54:00.000+08:00

{ the pages of the diary is empty because the writer is currently too busy, I guess }

“..and she's trying her best to stay strong on her own, trying to avoid making life more difficult for that most beloved person in her life.. but no lie, it was really hard.”

...

Ok, my sister put something about Room Tour Stuff in her blog, and that get me touring in you tube’s videos and watching this American (kot) teenagers doing vlog of their own lives, fashion and make up and stuff like that and I wonder why I was watching them because obviously I don’t do make up, except the basic toner-moisturiser-powder routine (yes sometimes I do eyeliner, but really that’s the limit) and watching those stuff was SUCH A WASTE OF TIME!

And I’m supposed to be studying!

I’ve got CONTRACT TEST tomorrow.

I failed the first test, remember?

HAISH.

*sigh*

Mama Saya Sangat Comel. Terima Kasih.

2011-03-26T17:23:00.002+08:00

Konon-konon masa kecil saya baik macam ni selalu tolong Mama kat dapur =p.

Last night for feeling so like crying but no tears would come out, I called my mother.

“Mama, kakak stress...” Merengek-rengek. (Ngada-ngada macam saya seorang yang ada Mak HAHA)

Thing is the first words that Mama said,

“Itulah Mama suruh ambik cikgu, belajar TESL, kan senang.” So I laughed.

For the mere impossibility of it. For the fact that saya dah dapat pun degree in legal studies, so dah sangatlah terlambat nak cerita pasal ambil course lain. For the way Mama membebel which was fun and funny, in a way {Ok, janganlah terpedaya ada masanya bila Mak start membebel, saya akan bagitahu – “Mama, stop...” Tapi sejak dah besar panjang ni ada masa terasa sangat rindu nak dengar suara Mak even if leteran pun dengar macam musik terindah di hatiku hoho :)}.

First and foremost, yang bahawasanya belajar jadi cikgu tu lebih mudah Mak saya yang cakap, eh. Bukan saya. Jadi jangan pula kata saya meremehkan course perguruan. Saya tahu tak ada benda yang senang dalam dunia ni.

Mak saya cikgu. Dia kata dia belajar dulu tak sesusah saya dan Nor sekarang. Dan dia sekarang tengah on full-fledged campaign nak suruh Ina ambil cikgu juga. My sister, on the other hand, is determined on becoming an architect. Of which, the rest of the siblings and I are in full support of. Whatever you want to be sis, just go for it. Don’t regret it later in life. Don’t blame others later on for making you do what you have no interest in. Like me dulu-dulu marah Mama tak kasi pergi sekolah asrama penuh. HAHA. But now that I have found my calling, I’m blessed and very much thankful for the life I’m living, hard as it is.

Biarpun workload tak tertanggung, walaupun macam apa je tak sempat nak berbual dengan housemate sendiri, walaupun sekarang perang dingin, dan walaupun stress dengan selalu. Tapi overall, I feel content, and happy. :)

Eh, dah jauh dari tajuk.

Mak saya comel sebab dia bagitahu: "Dah. Malam ni tak payah buat kerja".

Wah, first time Mak saya bagi nasihat macam tu. Selama ni kalau saya bagitahu pelajaran saya susah... dia akan cakap itu sebab saya tak study dengan betul... Tapi semalam Mama sangat sporting. Dia suruh saya rehat. Which I did, most gratefully. (Sebab malam sebelum tu tak tidur, then lepas Subuh pengsan and pukul 8 AM baru tersedar, ok – Ha, itulah yang menyebabkan pagi semalam super cranky and emotional bertempat. Bertempat, tau. HAHA =p)

I even told Mom about missing the morning class because I overslept. It really was wonderful that I can share things like that with my Mother. I am blessed, I know.

And you know, after some more laughters, and listening to Mom membebel isu Ina (who is the focus of the family attention, currently) we ended the conversation. But a few minutes later, Mom called back.

“Kakak, 9 perkataan, clue dia bercabang-cabang”

Then I heard a voice at the back, “Mama cakap ngan saper tu?” Ina bertanya dengan penuh nada pelik.

“Kakak. Dia tension so daripada dia pening baik tolong Mama buat crossword”

HAHAHA. Comel kan Mak saya? Walaupun bila dia suruh fikir benda tu sebenarnya saya lagi pening kepala. Tapi sebab Mak saya baik sangat semalam (sebab dia bagitahu saya tak payah fikir tentang workloads sekejap) dan simply for the fact I still have someone I can rely on like that... dear Allah, terima kasih!

for you, Mummy~

And of course:

Terima kasih, Ma, sayang Mama. :)

2011-03-25T09:07:00.001+08:00

Melarikan diri bukan jawapannya.

It never was, never will be.

If you have a problem, face it up front.

(but I think I will disappear again, this weekend)

Numbered Rants (and don't ask me why they are numbered)

2011-03-24T22:45:00.003+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum...

1. I’ve eaten dinner at home (I also took my breakfast, and ate lunch, and am quite disciplined these days in taking regular meals) but currently am hungry still. So I’m devouring all these cheap snacks that are sold at the corner near the end of our floor, which I’m not really fond of, but have not much choices (am too lazy to go to any shop).

2. I think despite all the workloads, I’m blessed because they put me in this F group, even if this is not the elite group, since you know, as far as I can remember, I’ve never laugh this much in my years of BLS, and never been this close to any of my batch (except Aisyah, that is). But these days, there’s always something funny to laugh at. To joke about, to fight, even. In that, life is good. :)

3. I love Puan Habibah Omar. I did real badly in my first test (mind you, that’s what you get when you didn’t study at all) and mostly, the whole class was feeling quite low after knowing our results. And despite the fact that she’s strict, she was telling us not to give up. “Don’t give up, now” “Dah, jangan termenung lama-lama sangat”. See, her words... dia memujuk kami. I know she’s strict. I know. But I also know that she really cares, too. So are the other lecturers. I think they all care. And I think I’ve never get so many wonderful lecturers in one semester. (I might say different things esok lusa if I got scolded or things like that but for now, I’m just thankful).

4. I failed my Contract test too, and when they asked, I said “I failed, really”. But my friends don’t really believe me because the way I said it so selamberly (and I think because they think I’m good since I always speak up in class - when I wasn’t dozing off, that is) but then you know by now I’m used to failing my tests that I know it isn’t the end of the world. But I also know that I really need to buck up before it’s too late. !_!

5. I had wanted to post some pictures here, and that’s it - I wasn’t planning on writing anything since I was thinking that today was the “Wordless Wednesday” day, but then I suddenly realised: It’s THURSDAY. Wednesday had passed without me realising it – it passed with me feeling stressed at the end of the day that when I got home, I didn’t touch my work AT ALL, I took my bath, wear my most comfortable shirt, pray, eat and sleep... so I’m sorry (to someone in particular).

6. I’m currently at the office (I went back here after Maghrib) supposedly finishing up my file on Letter of Administration, but I feel like I need to write things down. It’s been a while since I got to talk to my friends who are not in LLB (Baroness seems to be the only exception). I miss having conversation with the Islahians. I miss my other half so much and I wonder what put us into this ‘silent mode’ again when at the end of my every day the thought of seeing you is what make me feel like going home is ‘going home’, did you know that? I don’t like fighting with you... life feels incomplete when there is no bantering around, no gossiping in silence late into the nights, not secret sharing... I miss you, sweetheart. (Okay cukuplah berfikir bukan-bukan, this other half of mine is not a Guy but NO, I’m no lesbian. TQ)

7. I think I should stop writing dah, my work is waiting and nanti semua orang balik I tinggal sorang-sorang and despite always looking all brave and all confident, saya penakut. Maka, terima kasih. Jumpa lagi.

Babai.

Emo.Emo.Emosi!

2011-03-21T15:30:00.000+08:00

Tak boleh buat POP QUIZ Convey.

Nak muntah. Nak nangis. Nak marah. Nak EMO.

Lalalalalalala~

T___________________T

On another note:

1. Criminal Assignment: Sent.

2. Next: CTA Mooting at 6.30.

Feeling sekarang:

Lapar.

Tq.

Babai.

What I never really notice, until now.

2011-03-16T21:12:00.005+08:00

innocent, aren't they?

{Sumayyah Sisters, Dear Islahians, Much Missed Srikandi Sias, One Junior Baik, and all you Beautiful Girls in general :)}

We're mere human, we do get angry sometimes,
we got mad at each other, we even had our moments of silences..
sometimes we intentionally said things that was meant to hurt.

but even so,
in our hearts, there was never hate.

because we're bonded by our 'aqidah.
because when we love, we love for the sake of Allah.
do you have any idea how rare our relationships are?

To have you, I really am lucky.
From now on, I will count my every blessings.

p/s: I want to believe, that in every single heart... there’s kindness. Does that make me naive (or stupid)?

This, I call Happiness :)

2011-03-13T01:14:00.006+08:00

My brother in law and I, we are in constant struggle and fight (HAHA) to win the heart of a princess. Aisyah, that is. Of course, I can’t even dream of competing with Ummi since, well, you know, everyone loves their mother more than anyone else in the whole wide world, me included. *throwing hearts at my Mum*

Well, thing is my brother got all the advantages in the world, being the FATHER, being the one who protects her and spends more time with the child more than I could have ever done. In that, I cannot compete. Like, the time when Aisyah was sick, I don’t even know how many days he missed going to work. I was stuck with LL.B (naturally), didn’t have courage to ponteng at all, end up crying alone when I got too worried for her (I love her that much, you know...).

But for Aisyah, I was there much of the time too... I was there when she was a newborn... I drove straight from class the moment I got the news of her birth. I was there when she was taking the first few steps in her life... and when she started to form words that make sense... (‘Didi’ being among the first words that she could pronounce, of course). Naturally, I was her favourite aunt. Note the word ‘was’: because I don’t think she loves me as much as she used to be obsessed with me. Huhu =p. Doesn’t matter. I love her still.

But you know. She’s no longer the very-sweetest-girl-on-earth-you-could’ve-ever-met. She was that nice, I tell you. So very kind and well mannered. And dengar cakap sangat-sangat. I think it’s the effect of having a competitor for love, in the form of Maryam. Of course she loves Maryam, but she now fights for attention, and she fights with everyone, even her favourite cousin Ihsan and also my handsome boy Syamil [that’s another one who loves me and I don’t even know why because we don’t see each other that much but I’m glad he does and of course the feeling is mutual baby I love you too. :)].

So now you got a cranky Aisyah who would do exactly what you told her not to do, and who loves to scratch people’s faces and arms, who hurts intentionally, screams and cries for the slightest reason of neglect or being scolded... (only two years old and some, so don’t think of it as too bad =p). But dear, don’t follow Aunty Didi’s perangai so much, eh Aisyah? But I don’t think I was that kasar, was I, Mummy? Haish~ (Ok, but I did gigit tangan Abang Ci sampai berdarah once upon a time -_-“).

Dulu ber'cinta' segala dengan Ihsan, sekarang pantang bertemu berperanglah dunia.

Anyway, she would turn to being her sweet little self again, when you’re alone with her (no need to fight for attention, see?). So tonight after my sister brought Maryam upstairs to put her to sleep, I played some games with Aisyah. Silly things, as usual (oh, we didn’t sing this time, sweetheart, I forgot about singing altogether – we’ll do that tomorrow, eh?).

I was actually watching TV (haha) and she was talking to me, so I answered - now and then (kah kah nampak sangat tak focus kat dia, but she didn’t know that). But then, she wanted to give me a massage (comel melampau budak ni tau) and suddenly while her hands was on my knee she made this sounds and expression that I didn’t get at first... but then I suddenly caught it!

Do you know how people react when ada angin? The burping-kind of sound adults made? Like when you got a massage it was not you who burps but the one who massage you get the angin and burp instead? (I really don’t know how to describe it)

I realised that’s what she was seriously trying to imitate and it was so funny I end up laughing on the floor so hard and then she laughed because I laughed until I got tears in my eyes... I wish I could capture that moment in picture, froze it in my memory and show it to her when she’s grown up. But alas... that I cannot do.

Seeing her like that, and me laughing so bad that way... this is what I call happiness. :)

We had such a good time playing together that it’s not a wonder when Abi came home and I sent her up to their room to sleep she insisted on going back downstairs... because.. of course.. she wanted me to put her to sleep tonight.

I won her favour again, tonight. Sorry, Abang Hijaz. =p

Us being silly, playing silly games while s.h.o.p.p.i.n.g. :)

Nite, people~

Favourite Boy

2011-03-11T08:54:00.000+08:00

Didi misses you~

Membebel-bebel-bebel. (Rosak Bahasa Melayu)

2011-03-10T17:35:00.008+08:00

{Kelas cancel. Ada masa untuk menulis! Yeay~ }

Assalamu’alaikum!~
Dengar ini petua. Serius, ini sahaja caranya untuk survive: BERTENANG DAN BUAT. Okay? Jangan kelam kabut. Jangan tertekan. Tarik nafas panjang-panjang.

Dan.

Makan ubat penenang! HAHA. Tak. Tak. Jangan sampai ambil dadah. Haish. Ada pulak. Ambil benda yang memudaratkan itu berdosa, tahu?

Jadi sila ambil coklat. :)

Ubat penenang tinggal ini sahaja. Tanak makanlah nak simpan buat pekasam.

Coklat adalah ubat penenang yang berkesan mengikut kamus Dyana Su Edisi Kedua. Edisi pertama tak tahu bila masa keluar dah ada nombor dua. HAHA.

Ok, sambung cerita pasal petua.

JANGAN FIKIR BANYAK-BANYAK. BUAT SAJA KERJA TU. Buat dalam keadaan yang tenang bukan nak siap cepat, karang semua silap. Ejaan silap, format silap, nama silap, nombor silap. Tak best kan?

CHECK! Double check, triple check, baru print. Jangan membazir duit sendiri dan dakwat printer nanti kita kena beli toner yang baru bukan murah tu dekat 200 jugak kalau habis sebelum sem ni berakhir sahlah saya tak akan beli baru unless ibu bapa mahu sponser. =p

[Pappito, motor saya rosak lagi!]

Okay, iklan sahaja – sila buat tak tahu bagi yang tidak berkenaan.

Tapi seriuslah. Saya tak larat dah nak jaga buah hati yang sebuah ini. Saya rasa macam bersalah sangat dengan dia yang dah banyak sangat berjasa dengan saya. Dulu saya jaga sepenuh hati, basuh dengan sangat selalu, dan hantar service ON TIME.

Sekarang? Kalau dah pergi kelas tak nampak matahari, balik kelas pun tak nampak matahari masa bila nak pergi service? Haish~ (Ok Dyana, over tau.)

[okay masuk topic LLB balik]

Petua seterusnya, YAKIN. Yakin dengan Allah. Yakinlah bahawa Allah tak akan bebankan kamu andai kamu tak mampu. Kalau DIA beri banyak tanggungjawab, pasti adalah juga masa untuk menyelesaikan semua tugasan dan tanggungjawab tersebut. Kalau ada test lagi, presentation lagi, assignment lagi... buat mengikut priority. Yang mana kena submit dahulu, yang mana boleh kemudiankan sikit.

Yang penting MULAKAN BUAT KERJA. Masalahnya kamu ini selalunya bila menghadap laptop buka Microsoft Word tapi Google Chrome juga kamu buka bertab-tab tak berhingat. Masalahnya juga, mata dekat skrin, otak dekat New York. (Apa kena mengena tiba-tiba masuk New York?)

Jadi sedarlah bahawa sekarang sudah masuk bulan Mac dah hampir ke pertengahannya. Mac, tahu? Minggu persekolahan sudah masuk minggu ke 9 dari 14 minggu. Tinggal lagi 5 minggu sahaja. Banyak sangat dah belajar tetapi entah mana yang melekat mana yang tersekat.

Senang cerita saya tergolong dalam kategori “saya tidak tahu apa yang saya tidak tahu” kalau ikut istilah Puan Ismah. *menangis*

Perlu juga sedar bahawa bulan ini sangat banyak test, belum lagi dicampur dengan assignment, presentation dan filing. Jadi saya rasa kamu patut dihadapkan dengan reality. Mari-Mari. Mari tengok ini jadual:

1 Mac: Test Bankrupcy
5 Mac: Test Bahasa Melayu (hancur!)
6 Mac: Test Civil Procedure
8 Mac: Hantar file Probate
9 Mac: Hantar tugasan Bahasa Melayu + Presentation Remedies in Contract
12 Mac: Test Evidence
15 Mac: Hantar Fail Conveyancing + Service of Statement of Defence (Civil Procedure)
16 Mac: Test Remedies in Tort
23/30 Mac: Summary Judgment (Civil Procedure)
26 Mac: Test Solicitor’s Account
28 Mac: Test Contract
28/29 Mac: Presentation Conveyancing

OK UNTUK BULAN INI TEST SAHAJA SUDAH TUJUH!!!

Pergilah menangis. Menangis juga baik untuk kesihatan emosi. Ini realiti, tahu? Kalau kamu lelaki nak tahan-tahan macho, tak mengapalah.

Midah, jom, kita nangis dua orang sama-sama. HUHU.

Ok. Masa untuk membebel panjang-panjang melepas perasaan.

1. Mak Ayah, saya rindu kamu berdua dengan sangat. Saya tahu saya bukanlah anak yang baik tetapi serius ada waktunya saya sangat perlu mendengar suara Ibu Bapa. Jadi maaflah kalau saya selalu menelefon time-time siang melabuh tirai dan senja menunjukkan wajah serta beberapa minit lagi azan Maghrib bakal bergema. Sebab mostly waktu tu lah saya dah tak berapa nak tahan dengan keterlaluan dalam kesibukan harian dan selalunya MR. A masuk kelas lambat sikit jadi adalah sedikit masa untuk berfoya-foya. HUHU. Saya suka dengar bila Pappito membebel tentang sistem pembelajaran waktu Maghrib tak sesuai. Saya setuju, Pa.

2. Kakak Rahifah, kenapakah saya tidak pernah dapat menembusi talian ke telefon kamu? Telefon handphone tak angkat telefon rumah pun tak berjawab? Kenapa lebih mudah menghubungi abang ipar daripada kakak sendiri? Saya rindu Aisyah dengan banyak....... Mahu dengar suara dia. Mahu dengar celoteh dia. Mahu lihat senyum dia. Mahu gaduh dengan dia. Dan saya juga mahu peluk-peluk cium Maryam yang tembam. :(

3. Ihsan, marilah melawat Makcik kamu di Shah Alam. Ah, tuanya bila guna gelaran Makcik. Ei tanak. Ok, tukar ayat. Ihsan jomlah datang Shah Alam jumpa dengan Acik Didi. HAHA bila hentah guna ‘cik’ jugak tapi macam best je? Oh lupa, Ibu kamu sedang sarat, bukan? Semoga Allah permudahkan kakak Ruhaida untuk dapat seorang princess yang comellotte. Ihsan nanti dapat adik jangan cemburu-cemburu, ok? Jadilah abang yang gentleman. Didi suka orang gentleman.

4. Ina kamu cuti buat apa je? Lesen dah dapat ke? Kenapa blog tak update? Update2!

5. Nono, ok ke belajar? Best ke duk Pahang? Jangan tension-tension tau belajar, solat hajat dan doa banyak-banyak supaya Allah permudahkan, tau.

6. Kak Ana, mu jaga dok Nono tu siang dia mesti bosan yang amat dekat Kuantan bukan ada apa-apa pun. Oops. Sorry, orang Pahang. Nana, aku rindu mu. :’(

Ok, selesai.

HAHA.

Babai.

{Baik. Sambung buat Convey. TQ.}

F ~ Saya suka mereka, saya rasa mereka cambest~

Groceries pun boleh menimbulkan bahagia, tahu?

2011-03-06T14:18:00.001+08:00

Jumaat, 4 Mac 2011

Bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian, begitu kata pujangga. (Ok, esok test bahasa melayu!)

Semalam tengahari disibukkan dengan kelas gantian Civil Procedure sampai semua orang muka kehijauan penat campur kebuluran. Tetapi jangan risau, Dyana Su tidak begitu. Beliau telah makan pagi terlebih dahulu, bersarapan dengan roti dan kopi. Dan kemudian pukul 9 pagi makan lagi nasi lemak dengan ayam masak merah. Yosh, sedang giat menambah berat badan. Lepas kelas En. Yunus, sempat sahaja ke Menara untuk makan lagi. Bila tahu akan busy tak sempat makan lepas Maghrib singgah dahulu di Petronas, untuk roti dan susu. Tengah-tengah malam mempaksa Adda menteman makan nasi goreng kerabu pula. Cemerlang? Usaha tangga kejayaan, bukan? :)

Dan kerana kelas itu sudah diganti (walaupun separuh sahaja), hari ini ada masa free pagi-pagi. Lepas kelas Evidence, boleh keluar (yeay!). Pergi shopping (yeay!). Groceries dengan banyaknya penuh satu kereta (yeay!). Seorang-seorang (yeay! Er. tapi BAHAYA – tak ada orang nak memberhentikan Dyana Su apabila tangan beliau rakus mencapai barang-barang =p).

Sedar-sedar hampir RM200 terbang melayang~ *pengsan*

Nanti-nanti. Sebelum kamu membuat tohmahan segala bagai, dengar penjelasan dahulu. Itu barangan rumah, tau. Bukan barang saya seorang-seorang (adalah jugak). Barang basah untuk seminggu, barang kering untuk sebulan (semoga bertahan!), barangan bersih-membersih untuk selama yang boleh ia bertahan. Bajet-bajet-bajet. Dear housemate, mari berjimat, jom. :)

Ah, hilang tension semua bila boleh shopping. Riang ria dan bahagia~

***

Today...

Minggu ini, setiap hari kita bersekolah. Ya, termasuk Sabtu dan Ahad.

Sabtu, ujian Bahasa Melayu Undang-Undang yang membawa sebanyak 20 markah. Sangat. Sangat. Susah, ok. Rasa tidak boleh menerima andai Bahasa Melayu pun boleh gagal. Ah, sedih betul bila terkenang... :(

Lain kali, tidak mahu main-main lagi. Dyana Su, sila siapkan assignment Bahasa Melayu dengan tekun!

Ahad, hari ini... Advanced Civil Procedure I yang begitu mengelirukan. Bukankah semua simulasi yang kami buat di kelas itu markah keseluruhannya sudah 60? Berapa markah pula ujian ini?
{can anyone please tell me exactly WHY do we still have a test?!!!}

Ok Didi, sudahlah. Mari jadi pelajar berhati mulia yang tidak banyak menyanggah cakap Guru. Patuh sahajalah. Sabar sahajalah. Usaha sahajalah. Moga semuanya Allah berkati. :)

Saya sibuk. Ya. Kadang-kadang kekangan masa sangat membelenggu. Jadi maafkan saya, bila tak dapat memenuhi permintaan kamu-kamu. Atau tak dapat memberi keputusan yang tepat bila ditanya tentang sesuatu. Tapi tak bermakna, saya tidak boleh langsung bersama kamu. Jadi bolehkah jangan berputus asa dengan saya? InsyaAllah, saya cuba. Dengan seluruh tenaga yang ada, saya akan cuba buat semua yang mampu. See, semalam saya boleh sampai juga ke kenduri kakak?

Sangat cantik, kamu, kakak tersayang. Sangat saya rindu. Selamat menempuh hidup baru...

Jadi Baroness dear, sila jangan risau kamu akan bebankan saya. Itu semua tidak benar. Saya sayang kamu enough untuk berkorban segala-gala, tahu. Haha, kan dah bagi ayat jiwang. :)

Ok, tak boleh cerita panjang-panjang. Nak pergi menuntut ilmu sebagai bekalan kehidupan pula. =p
Jaga diri, kamu~ :)

Jumpa lagi.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-02T22:07:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it's March already~ -_-;

LLB Effect

2011-02-28T20:22:00.001+08:00

what i love about law: the books (ok gambar ini hanya contoh)

The funny thing about the life I’m leading right now is, it’s stressful... but I wasn’t aware that it is so.

The not so funny thing is, this isn’t the first time that I was ignorant of the stress level of my life. Until I got sick enough.

The first time my body woke me up so that I slow down was when I was in part 5 DIS, was having difficulty in a relationship (I give you permission to assume whatever), and was having a severe back pain. Very severe indeed, that there were days that I cannot get up from bed and just cry.

I went to see the doctor, who examine the possibility of batu karang and stuff, but said most probably I was in stress. I didn’t really believe him then, and read a lot. Until I found this one issue of Reader’s Digest that talk about back pain, that it may be an early symptom of cancer or may be caused by stress. I chose to believe that I was in stress rather than worrying that I may have cancer. (na’uzubillah)

I broke off the relationship, and regain my health.

The second time this happened, it was chest pain, lost of voice, coughing, cold, fever, on and off, on and off, for like, the whole semester, that was in Part 3 of BLS, I think. I had this one responsibility, a heavy one on my shoulder, facing difficulty in works, and was handling every other relationship in my life very poorly indeed. My adik(s) kakak(s) kawan lama kawan baru my ex jengka mates et cetera et cetera semuanya terabai. Fuh! I thought being a College President for 5 whole semesters was tough. This one was worse. HAHA.

Eventually however, I gain back some resemblance of stability in life...

The third time.

The truth is, I was afraid of stopping. I was so afraid that if I'd stopped, I wouldn’t be able to resume my pace.

I was busy even before my final exam last year, continue being busy working part time and handling programs throughout my semester break, got stressful thinking that I wasn’t accepted into LLB, wasn’t prepared for a new school term when it turns out there was a system messed up and I was actually accepted, started school dalam keadaan sangat kelam kabut, not having enough documents needed for registration, haven’t had the chance to do medical examination as required, not knowing where I put my pencil case, no new notebooks, no new files, not even having enough black and white attires, ending up buying whatever I can grab whenever I saw anything I like wherever I went, and that was so not good since LLB itself is... CRAZY.

I didn’t even have the time to realise... that two months already passed.

Life is hectic in that the schedule was too packed, there wasn’t much weekend what with all the extra classes and tests, the never ending coursework, stimulation, filing etc, I wasn’t seeing enough of my family, even when my parents were like, most of the times ada dekat either Puchong or Putrajaya... didn’t get to visit Aisyah, Ihsan or my sister when they were hospitalized, didn’t get the chance to visit my grandmother when I knew, I KNEW she was truly sick this time, and her time was counted, and when I saw the daily notes my aunt made in the last 14 days of my grandma’s life, none, not one, said, visitor: Nordi. NONE. Sangat terkilan...

So what’s the symptoms this time?

Lingering cold. No fever.

And.

Rashes. Hives, they call it. Red, angry spots all over the place. I thought I’d develop some sort of allergy. I went to get a shot that cost me RM 41 (after discount), and eating veggie only for a few days (uwek), and then gave that diet up.

Something my aunt told my mother made me do some research on the net, and tadaa!

Stress is a common cause that acute and chronic hives share. You may not feel particularly stressed, but your body may, especially if you are very busy. Life stressors that can result in hives may be positive or negative.

See, I found my answer. Now I eat chicken and meat everyday and NO HIVES.

Sometimes, I think, I just have to admit that I am no superwoman. I need to take a deep breath and slow down. I need to realise that there’s more to life and rushing around trying to do everything on my own, even the simplest thing that I can actually ask help from friends.

And sometimes, I need the let the tears fall, jangan tahan-tahan, I don’t have to pretend that I’m strong, when I definitely am not.

Sometimes I just need a friend that I can say,

“I actually feel like crying”

“go out and cry, then... then get back in”

Well, thank Allah I do have one such friend. And actually many others who care.

But most of all, I thank Allah for my family, my parents and siblings, who have been a great support throughout these few months... you see, whenever I’m with them, I feel... SAFE.

So.

... the reason I weight only 40 kg right now... well now you know. :)

Don't worry though, I know I'm made from a strong substance, sterner stuff. I will survive! :)

Oh. Don't get me wrong. I do love LLB. Truly, I do. ^_^

A prayer

2011-02-27T22:06:00.003+08:00

I pray for strength.
So that you'll always be strong.

I pray for wisdom,
So that you'll always make the right decisions.

I pray for kindness,
So that you'll stay true and honest.

I pray for trust,
So that there won't be a gap between us...

I want to be the rock that you can hold on to,
but that I cannot do.

So all I do these days...
is praying for you.

Gonna make you my rock~ :)

2011-02-27T12:19:00.000+08:00

Presenting you, my classmates ^___^

Let's make this year beautiful!

2011-02-24T23:42:00.000+08:00

I slept during criminal procedure tutorial.

I actually slept, not tersengguk-sengguk, or terpejam-pejam.

I closed my eyes, hide my face in my hands on the table, and shut my system down... until Ida woke me up.

Terrible. terrible. ! _ !

::.not unlike this.::

Nasib baik madam tak panggil untuk bacakan provision...

I would totally be lost.

.............................

Entri macam budak sekolah rendah

2011-02-23T16:37:00.003+08:00

Saya sayang mak saya.

Saya sayang ayah saya.

Saya sayang semua-semua ahli keluarga saya both the nucleus Sulong Family and the Othman Clan.

It’s really is a blessing, knowing that you have a family. Especially when you’re feeling particularly stressed, and feeling as if you’re all alone... (tipulah coz I always have my sweetheart and sunshine, at least) then Mom called, and was telling you the usual things, the little things in fact, like:

“your medicine, I left it to your brother, ask him to send it to you or take it when you come to Putrajaya” and

“your new kurung, dah siap, I left it in the closet in the room upstairs at Putrajaya”, and

“auntie Lela said that rashes was because of stress, you’ve been sleeping late haven’t you, so buy alpha lipid milk drink that and eat well”

Mother. The one person who no matter how big and how independent you think you are.. would always be worried of you. Would always be fussing about your life. Would always be... a mother.

Thank you Allah. For after yesterday’s rain, you showed me that the sunshine was just, always behind that clouds. I just had to blow the clouds away, a little. I just had to persevere, and be just a little bit stronger.

Thank you Allah, for reminding me that I have this strong force behind me, this root so deep, it's the root of my existence. and for reminding me that even if the whole world fails me, I still have them... my family.

Life, is a blessings indeed..

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine~

2011-02-16T22:40:00.006+08:00

Apa yang ganas sangat kita ni lepas satu, satu benda dekat rumah ni rosak? Haish~

Baik Dyana, berhenti di situ. *peace!* :)

Assalamu’alaikum! Hai semua orang ~ sihat?

Mari mentengok jadual hidup Dyana.Su dan rakan-rakan satu firma dan sepejabat dengannya pada hari Rabu, 16 Februari 2011 ini. Tarik nafas......... go!

7.54 AM: Punch in
8:30 AM-10:20 AM: Remedies in Tort
10:30 AM-12:30 PM: Advanced Civil Procedure
12:30 PM-02:00 PM: Lunch, Zuhr Prayer (Dyana went to shop for Hijab in Black, btw *wink*)
02:10 PM-04:00 PM: Bahasa Melayu Undang-Undang
04:10 PM-06:00 PM: Replacement Class – Advanced Criminal Procedure [Tutorial]
06:00 PM-06:30 PM: Asr Prayer
06:30 PM-09:30 PM: Criminal Trial & Advocacy. punch Out
09:40 PM: Home

Menarik? Menarik sangat. Cemerlang? Pasti~

Pengsan, jom?

Selamat malam. :)

p/s: The title of the post is the exact song you should be listening to when you feel particularly.... hurm... tired? Haha, nevermind. But where is my sunshine today? The song is called sweet dream, by the way~

So sweet dream, you!~ :)

My Love~

2011-02-15T00:58:00.001+08:00

If there is anything, anything at all that I’m going to hate about LLB (I don’t), it’s the fact that it robs me of MY FAMILY TIME.

If this is BLS, and my lecturer is holding a replacement class on a public holiday (which is tomorrow) I would (almost) definitely throw caution to the air and skipped that class.

My heart, my mind, my soul, as of this moment is with Aisyah. My beloved, cinta hati, sayang darling sweetheart Aisyah.

Who, yet another time... is hospitalized. I’m worried sick.
This is the third time, in less than a month... I wish I could be there for her...

I love you, Aisyah.

If only you could see her yesterday...

How, when my sister told her “Ummi sayang Aisyah”, and she replied by nodding her head meekly, and when I told her... “Aunty Didi sayang Aisyah... Aisyah jangan sakit lagi tau” and she nodded again a few more times... if you saw how worried my brother in law was, that he was rushing to get her to the hospital when her temperature was 39.9 degree... angry at anything and everything that would slow him down...

When you see this little girl, who looks nothing like me or her mother, and everything like her father (but for the expressions on her face and the fact that she’s inherit our side’s skinny genes)... that you know, if she cried in public and refusing me, people would probably think I’ve kidnapped her...

If you could see her, in her funny times, when she was sweet and obedient, bringing the remote for you, sitting on your lap quietly while you’re at your laptop (for 2 minutes only though, then she’ll get bored), sometimes singing her heart off, you would surely fall in love with her... she has this cheeky smile...

Even if you get to know the naughty little miss princess that she has become of late (I suspect, to distract attention from the new baby to herself instead), that sometimes you’re so very mad at her, the way she keeps screaming, and making noises, and using her nails to scratch people... clawing my ears even, which was so very painful tears come to my eyes.... even then, she’s still my precious girl...

Get well soon, sayang~ please Allah, make her healthy again...

Pray

2011-02-14T01:00:00.000+08:00

Dear Heart,

i forgot how hard it can be...
to be surrounded by all those things...
yet trying your hardest to stay above the influences...

now that you mention it.
i remember.

but faith in you, i have.

so in Allah, put your trust..
to Allah, pour out all your miseries..
to Allah, pray.

May Allah keep you safe.
Always~

Berceloteh tanpa henti~ perempuan, begitulah. :)

2011-02-12T01:56:00.003+08:00

Assalamu’alaikum~

Hari ini best! {Tiap-tiap hari pun best~ :)}

Hari ini ada orang tolong kemaskan ruang tengah atas – tempat rak-rak buku a.k.a Mini Library Islah yang selalu saya selongkar dan sepah-sepahkan dengan dasyat (buruk perangai). Sekarang sudah kemas amat. Saya suka~ Terima kasih Haslina! Terima kasih Rasyidah! Cinta kamu berdua dengan sepenuh hati!~ Rasa mahu ambil gambar dan tampal di sini dengan bangga, tahu? :)

Hari ini ada orang datang bawak keluar jalan-jalan dan belanja makan breakfast dan makan tengahari yang sedap. Terima kasih kak Anis sayang! :)

Ok, kawan-kawan, masa untuk bercakap sorang-sorang.

Orang yang selalu bercakap dengan saya malam-malam tidur sudah. Baru nak cerita panjang-panjang dia pergi tidur. Tension-tension tidur. Tension. Tidur. Tension. Tidur. Tapi adakah tidur itu penyelesai masalah? Tidak, bukan? Malas juga bukan penyelesai masalah. Jadi Dyana kena rajin. Rajin rajin rajin. Yosh! (tetap rasa macam best sebut YOSH walaupun ada orang kata tak comel. bluek~)

Tapi. Er. Tak perlu kot sampai jadi burung hantu. Jangan ikut perangai burung hantu, okay? Mengganggu ‘jam semulajadi’ (ada ke istilah ni?) dalam badan. Tak elok untuk kesihatan. Faham?

Ok, masuk topic lain.

Tahukah kamu, petang tadi saya terlupa ‘punch out’ (tak reti translate ke dalam Bahasa, adakah ‘mengetik keluar’?) jadi pukul 9 malam saya pun pergilah sekolah semula. Macam ada sedikit takut nak pergi fakulti sorang-sorang sebab laluan masuk yang belakang tu macam gelap sikit kan, jadi seram jugak lah. Saya takut manusia okay, bukan takut pada hantu. Hantu boleh halau dengan ayat Quran... tapi manusia kalau dah jahat tandanya tak takut Allah, macam mana nak takutkan dengan ayat-ayat Allah? Betul tak?

Tapi tahukah kamu sampai-sampai ke fakulti saya tengok kereta berderet-deret sepanjang-panjang jalan sampai masuk ke dalam, dan fakulti masih terang berderang. Saya fikir pastilah student PLK. Tapi saya juga pasti, mesti ada juga budak-budak LLB yang tak sedar esok cuti kot buat apa spend masa lama-lama dekat fak sedangkan seharian lecturer tak ada. Buktinya kelas 2A masih bernyala dan ada pelajar di dalamnya. Senior yang menunjukkan contoh yang baik. Tapi mungkin juga sebab office diorang best, sebab tu seronok duduk lama-lama dalam tu (sesuka hati buat assumption). Nak jugak office macam tu. Nak! Kami cemburu, tahu? @-@

Okay dyana esok engkau ada test tak sedar-sedar ke hape?

Baik, jangan marah saya. Nanti saya study la.

Topik seterusnya:

Kenapa orang suka makan carbonara? Saya tak faham. Bukan sedap pun. Sebenarnya ada satu waktu ni dulu saya pernah makan benda tu pastu muak yang amat lepas tu tak pernah berani try lagi. Haha.

Tapi ada orang request suruh masak Carbonara dengan Parmesan segala jadi saya yang sahlah tak reti masak terasa terdesak untuk memasak perkara itu sebab dah lama berjanji. Janji kalau tak ditepati berdosa kan?

Tapi tahu tak kalau yang kamu minta adalah tomyam atau Bolognese mesti sudah lama kamu dapat. Sebab itu sahaja dua benda dalam dunia ni yang saya tahu masak. Itupun kalau Mama yang masak sepuluh kali lagi sedap dari kakak masak, kan Ma? Huhu, pathetic sungguh.

Tak kisahlah. Kesimpulannya di sini saya sudah boleh masak Carbonara tu (sedap tak sedap lain cerita) nanti saya bagi kamu, ya? Dan saya seronok boleh mengerjakan dapur semula sebab hidup yang terlalu busy ini kadang-kadang terlalu menekan, sampai boleh kira dengan tangan sebelah kanan sahaja berapa kali saya masuk dapur untuk memasak sejak masuk semester ini. Jangan risau, dari tangan kanan itu kamu hanya perlu keluarkan 1 jari kamu. Ya, inilah kali pertama sepanjang sem ni memasak makanan dengan serius. Sebelum ni masak Maggi or goreng telur tu adalah. Hahaha ~ :)

Sebab: memasak itu kan hobi, bila lapang je boleh buat. Haha. (sah la tak de orang masuk meminang pasni =p)

Ok, lebih baik berundur sekarang sebelum banyak lagi perkara yang dikarutkan.

Sebelum itu mari mengira:
- Perkara yang sudah selesai:

Bayar api air & TM,
Beli stationaries.

- Perkara belum selesai:

Urgent & Important: Servis motor!! (kesian your baby TAM, diy, tak baik buat dia macam tu.)
Remind kedai suruh datang balik tengok washing machine.
Panggil balik plumber!
Susun notes dengan lebih teratur.
Buat akaun Islah dengan lebih teratur.
Revamp wardrobe so only the ones that are actually used are kept. Throw away the rest, you need the space.
study stUDY STUDY!!

Dalam hidup mesti berusaha. Jangan sesekali berputus asa. Sesekali mengeluh melepas lelah memang lumrah kerana kita cuma manusia. Tapi sayang, setiap kali berhadapan dengan kerumitan, dengan sedikit ujian, ingatlah, akan ada jalan keluarnya. Pasti~ Sebab itu kan janji Dia yang Maha Menepati Janji? Segala yang terbaik untukmu.

Jaga diri, kamu.

Malam~ :)

2011-02-09T02:26:00.004+08:00

Dear Heart,

If you have to be somebody super, then be that.
Stay strong. Stay tough. Stay motivated. Stay focused.

... and while doing all those stuff, keep that smile on your lips, okay?

Take care, you. :)

Kalau dah buat salah...

2011-02-03T10:53:00.000+08:00

Dear haslina,

Kakak mintak maaf pasal semalam. Balik rumah dalam pukul 7.45 malam tapi awak dah keluar. Sarah cakap awak dah pergi dengan Sah, so I thought it was fine. Akak tunggu jugak awak balik, tapi sampai pukul 9 lebih still tak nampak bayang...

Malam tadi ada janji dengan Baroness, jadi akak keluar semula. Tak sangka pulak berlarutan sampai lewat malam, macam takut jugak nak balik rumah, so akak tidur bilik dia.. Akak nak bagitahu awak, tapi credit habis...

Minta maaf ya. Tak bermaksud nak tinggalkan Has sorang-sorang. Nanti akak masakkan Has spaghetti, ea? Jangan marah tau. Jangan buat demo dekat blog akak tau. Senyum sikit? Saaaayang Has. Muah!~

Sincerely yours,
Kakak Diyana yang comel lagi baik hati dan disayangi oleh Haslina. :)

2011-02-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

Dear heart,

Let’s not dwell on things you can’t control. Let’s not think about those at all.

There are things that you need to achieve, so just shut your eyes to the rest, and focus.

Let’s move forward, huh?

And DO NOT get disappointed with people. Just don’t.

And be sincere. Do everything sincerely.

Especially, do not rely on a person. You know from experience how much that can break you.

Perhaps... just perhaps.
Being cold and distant isn’t that bad a thing, don’t you think?

{ah. sejak semalam pening begini. akan demamkah?
Allah, kurniakan Dyana kesihatan.}

Because simply...

2011-02-01T02:15:00.000+08:00

Simply... I want to write.
I want to simply jot down whatever it is that crossed my mind... even when it isn’t that important...

It’s holiday you know... mid-term break. So I have 5 days free of black and white. And I can wear colours on weekdays. Yet when I went shopping, I still had my eyes only on the blacks and whites... It’s like, buying any other colour would only mean a waste of money...

It’s holiday... So I don’t have to go to office and stay there even when the lecture was cancelled simply because my firm mates didn’t like it when I kept missing from my desk. We call it an office, but it really is simply a class arranged that way, like an office... other than the fact that we have to punch in before 8, and punch out after 5 o’clock... we’re still normal students...

You know... I kept missing in the first week because there were so many things to settle. I kept missing the second week because I was having a bad cold and had wanted to have proper rests, to take my medicine and slept properly for an hour or two (because someone told me that’s the only cure to a cold: rest & sleep). Besides, I didn’t want to spread the germs to the others...

I kept missing the other weeks because I’m homey person. I simply like being at home. I’m boring that way... the most relaxing thing that I’d love to do is to curl up in a comfy couch somewhere with a book in my hand... cosier it will be if there’s a toast and butter and a mug of hot Milo... and soothing music played quietly in the background...

Though nowadays... I devoured lots and lots of coffee... Radix it is, but still, it’s coffee... because I need energy I had to drink them to wake me up in the morning so I could rush to school with an alert mind.. in the afternoon I drank it to avoid being sleepy for the next lecture, drank it again coming back from school because I need some more energy to sustain me through the meetings that usually last late into the nights... and sometimes... sometimes I drink it again so that I won’t sleep before I finished reading a case, doing the tutorials, or finishing whatever task it is that had to be settled for the next day... and we haven’t had that much works yet...

... and I think I’m thinner, smaller, and shorter (if that is somehow possible, that is) after going through two (or is it three?) weeks of flu.

... and I’ve been having allergy of some kind... I don’t know what triggered the allergy reaction and while it isn’t severe, it gets real troublesome... and those scars... I don’t like the scars it left everywhere...

... on a brighter side, have you ever try this? Smiling to a contently sleepy baby... more often than not, she’ll smile back. Maryam always does. And it’s like the sunshine showing serenely after the rain subsides... don’t you think? And I always feel that sunshine is a beautiful thing.

... I miss it. Waking up at dawn while the sun was slowly rising behind the hills in the distance (that was Pulau Kapas), when looking at the sea from the back of my Granny’s Rhu Renggeh house... I was so very small then...but that particular scenery was forever etched into my mind... and I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than that...

... that house had been demolished, had it not? It was old, and when you walk the floor cracked, it seemed to me, even then, to be so very fragile... but some of my childhood memories were created there... like the first time I had the taste of jantung pisang and budu... and ayam kampong...

... and of course... the sea... and the beach... the coconut trees...

... my prayer... for the safety of those in Egypt...

... Nite.

Smile, Update.

2011-01-25T01:54:00.002+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum!~
Ini update short, yang not that short.

{Nota: Cikgu BM dan English, jangan marah bahasa rojak saya. Saya baru dapat tahu beberapa minggu yang lepas, dekat Court boleh guna rojak - dengan izin, of course. So saya praktikalkanlah - dengan suci hati (in good faith!) HAHAHA}

1. Semalam AGM PMH. Saya sangat suka~ ^_^

2. Semalam juga, 23 Januari adalah hari lahir si gadis kecil Faza. Happy 22nd birthday, dearie~ May you enjoy a long.blessed.happy.and.meaningful life. See, I purposely put so many colors just so you life would also be that colourful~ like the rainbows. :)

3. Sehari sebelum itu ada orang buat cerita kelakar yang buat saya tergelak tengah majlis yang formal - nasib baik saya dapat enough training on protocol, at least enough to ensure that the laughter didn't leave my lips. Oh ya, tajuk cerita: Brown Puppy. :)

4. Kami menang CARPE DIEM, people. First place! Ingat lagi tentang tarian Micheal Jackson? Waktu video kelas kami ditayangkan, kami semua tunduk macam segan sangat video orang lain semua berunsur professional. Tetapi bila habis tayang video kami semua pun berdiri giving ourselves a standing ovation sebab at least ours was entertaining and we were proud of our hard work. Thanks to Adib who was creative enough to compile the video into what it was. Yosh, sangat semangat dengan Carpe Diem. and I'm going to cherish this memories forever. :)

5. As a result of winning that carpe diem, and because of some other factors too, Saturday was the nicest day I had this year. It really was. Even if I didn't stop moving from morning to midnight, and had attended TWO birthday celebrations in one night (my student punya party siap ada Magician,ok) and was actually quite very exhausted... to the bones.... I was very happy still. :) When you make others happy, you become happy yourself, is my opinion.

6. Anyway, di sini mahu berlagak bahawa ini adalah kali kedua memenangi explorace (oh tidak~ RIAK). The first time was in one of the One Malaysia series some years back. Setiap kali pun saya tersedar apa yang membuatkan kami menang adalah teamwork. Saya mahu cerita panjang tentang ini. Sebab ia mengubah persepsi saya pada apa yang menanti di hadapan. Pada kehidupan yang serupa tiada kehidupan ini. Pada kesibukan yang tak bernoktah. Tetapi lain kali lah. :)

7. We had a heated debate on a murder case early this evening. Terpaksa mengaku Criminal Trial and Advocacy is the most interesting one so far, and Civil Procedure is the most intimidating. Takut! Tetapi tadi ada suatu perkara yang buat hati tidak tenang... Kan saya dah kata saya tak suka kelas waktu Maghrib? (eh, ada ke? oh ye, itu termasuk entri yang tersekat dalam draft - sangat banyak entri tersekat dalam draft.) Next time kalau ini jadi lagi sekali, dear Allah, please grant me the strength, and courage to speak up a reminder.

8. Last, ini adalah TO DO LIST Dyana.Su:

Panggil Plumber!
Panggil tukang baiki mesin basuh! -__-"
Siapkan akaun!
Siapkan report untuk Tyah.
Buat tutorial Evidence!
Cari all the cases. CARI!
Beli Limitation Act, Penal Code baru, dan Subordinate Court Act 1948!

Tahu kenapa semua ada tanda seru? Sebab dah tulis kat merata-rata tapi dia still tak buat juga.

Tahukah kamu menjadi pengurus kewangan itu susah? Baru saya tahu. Hoho.

Baik, tidur sekarang!~

Selamat malam. :)

Hidup ini Roller Coaster.

2011-01-20T17:03:00.002+08:00

“Sebenarnya saya tak berapa nak faham apa yang sedang berlaku.”

Saya nak tulis status macam ni dalam facebook tapi nanti semua orang tanya macam-macam. Walaupun blog ni tak private ke apa-apa tapi sini kurang sikit orang nak soal siasat.

Serius saya tak tahu apa salah saya. Serius tak faham. Serius hati saya sakit. Sakit, faham?

...

...

...

(membebel panjang-panjang dalam hati)

Sudahlah. Malas nak fikir.

P.s: Semalam dalam kesibukan seorang pelajar LL.B, saya sangat gembira. Walaupun telah termerengek secara kuat bila disuruh menari serupa Micheal Jackson (adakah patut?) masih lagi boleh ketawa riang ria.

Hari ini, mungkin kerana kurang sibuk (semua kelas ganti yang dijadualkan hari ini di tangguhkan) saya teringat soal ini lagi dan kemurungan melanda.

Doakan saya berjaya menyembunyikan wajah murung daripada teman serumah dan kawan-kawan dalam senyuman dan lawak jenaka. Semoga!

Hidup ini ibarat roller coaster. Didi, terima sahajalah.

T__T

{ya. memang suka melepas perasaan dalam blog.}

Not much purpose, this entry.

2011-01-15T15:14:00.000+08:00

Ada sebab Allah bagi kita sakit. Mungkin Allah tahu kita penat sangat jadi DIA bagi kita rehat.
Terima kasih ya Allah.~

Pastu DIA nak kita sedar kita bukan superwoman sesuka hati redah hujan ingat immune sangat orang tak kasi balik lagi kita jawab, tak apalah kak, dyana dah biasa, sekali tak cukup dengan hujan kena simbah dengan best bila sebuah van yang tak sedar ke tengah hujan apa kes entah bawak laju-laju memintas kita. Rasa macam mandi air telaga tapi yang kotor punya. Sejuk sangat. Dan of course, macam sangat kasihan pada diri sendiri hari itu tapi nak buat macam mana kan? Keputusannya lepas itu immediate kita batuk-batuk sakit dada selesema segala.

Sah kalau kita ada anak perempuan mereka akan diharamkan daripada menjadi penunggang motosikal. Sekian, terima kasih.

Dan kalau tak sakit hari ini, kita sudah terbang ke Putrajaya atau pergi jalan-jalan di sekolah sebab kita ada tugasan yang belum selesai. Kalau kita tak ada kat rumah, siapa nak tunggu orang kedai tu hantarkan mesin basuh yang dah siap repair? (suka tak payah pakai manual lagi yeay. :) ) Atau terima kedatangan promoter dari Domino’s pizza buat offer best yang kita dengar telinga kanan melantun keluar balik sebab kita tak boleh nak focus tentang makanan di saat tak ada deria rasa sebegini. Minta maaf, cik promoter.

Dan kalau kita pergi sekolah jugak hari ini, confirm lah kita akan sebarkan virus secara berleluasa, so lagi baik kita duduk rumah diam-diam. Itupun kita dah menjawab dengan Doktor Athirah.Su {amin!} nanti kakak pakailah mask, tapi dia jawab, mask tu bukan berkesan sangat so pergilah tidur jangan pergi jalan-jalan. Baik, doctor.

Semua family tak sihat sebenarnya. Adik bongsu demam dengan viral infection. Aisyah baru keluar hospital, tapi Ummi dia pulak yang masuk. Kasihan Maryam dipisahkan dari susu ibu, nanti Maryam yang tembam jadi kurus. Dia tak boleh terima susu formula, minum-minum muntahkan balik.Ya Allah, cepat-cepat sembuhkan kakak Rahifah, please.

Mom and Dad and Miss Arina Su are in Selangor for the purpose of taking care of Rahifah’s family, though sampai hari ini saya belum sempat jumpa mereka lagi. Jenguk Aisyah di hospital hari tu Mom was not around. :(

Ok, babai.

Persimpangan Hidup {which is dull}

2010-12-31T21:56:00.000+08:00

Kamu tahu kan? Saya memang nak masuk LLB. Nak sangat-sangat. That was my aim the moment I got admitted into BLS. Itulah impian, itulah cita-cita. Itulah yang nak dikejar.

Semester satu, saya sangat teruja dengan dunia baru undang-undang. Sebelum tu saya pelajar sains kan, jakun sikit. Sebab excited, dalam kelas performance saya macam bagus. Kalau ada lecturer yang nak bagi markah free untuk performance dalam kelas, insyaAllah boleh dapat full mark 5 markah. Eh. Memang ada pun, Madam Meena kasi markah free sebab rajin bertanya-tanya, menjawab-jawab dalam tutorial dia. Walaupun attendance tak full. Suka Madam Meena.

Hujung sem carry mark saya tinggi-tinggi. So final saya agak main-main. Haha. Tapi Alhamdulillah, agak baik juga pointer masa tu.

Sem dua saya dah mula mengenal dunia yang lebih luas. Sibuk memanjang. Ke hulu ke hilir. Mesyuarat. Mesyuarat. Mesyuarat. Saya sudah tak sempat menjadikan buku sebagai teman tidur. Malam-malam balik sudah sangat tidak larat kan? Jadi tidur sahaja kerjanya. Menjelang final saya panic. Sangat. Semua masalah kecil saya besar-besarkan.

Contoh: Motor pancit. Ok. Saya panggil sahabat baikikan. Tapi kemudian dia pancit lagi sekali. Jadi saya menangis. Sambil study sambil tengok motor yang kasihan di luar melalui sliding door Sumayyah sambil menangis – sangat seronok. Masalah sebesar kuman air mata seliter. Nasib baik masa tu ada adik lagi. Adik yang datang tolong tukarkan rim tayar supaya boleh pakai tubeless. Mudah sahaja penyelesaiannya. Settle. Terima kasih adik. Tapi saya masih suka nangis-nangis. Sebab final ada yang satu hari dua paper. Jadi, penyelesaian dia nangis. Mudahkan caranya? (sebut gaya choki poki – eh betul ke camni ejaan dia) HAHA.

Tapi kamu tahu, study sambil menangis itu berkesan. Walaupun carry mark tak seberapa pointer agak baik juga. Jadi junior semua dengar ini nasihat saya: Part 1 Part 2 jangan buat main-main. Masa tulah paling senang nak score, ok?

Part-part seterusnya study saya biasa-biasa. Tapi Alhamdulillah, saya tamat on time, dengan pointer yang biasa-biasa, tapi lepas – semua paper pun lepas. Alhamdulillah. Tak tergambar kesyukuran yang saya rasakan.

Tapi boleh tak, time nak hantar borang LLB saya main-main? Tangguh. Tangguh. Nantilah.
Akhirnya lepas final baru saya hantar salinan permohonan ke fakulti. Bijak sangat. Time semua orang dapat keputusan masuk LLB, saya frust seorang-seorang sebab rekod tiada. Frust maksudnya sampai menangis, okay. Maaf tau. Pada sesiapa yang terkena tempias kecewa dan marah saya… saya ini manusia biasa cuma..

Maaf juga, tak dapat memberi focus pada JNS. Tekanan campur stomach cramp campur terpaksa berkejar balik awal sebab ibu bapa suruh, saya rasa sedikit rugi tak dapat mengambil peluang sepenuhnya waktu JNS.. Cerita sahabat lain, JNS sangat best…Tapi. Tapi. panjat Jugra memang best. Saya suka~ sangat!

Hurm. Balik cerita LLB. Saya pergi fakulti, encik tu tanya.

“Awak buat permohonan tak?”

“Buat.”

“Hantar salinan tak?”

“Hantar”

“By hand?”

“Ya.” your hand exactly, sir.

Sepatah pun saya tak cakap ada probability yang rekod saya tak ada sebab saya hantar lambat sikit borang. Itu salinan sahaja ok, so suppose tanpa salinan pun rekod saya patut ada dalam system. But I was not the only one with missing record, I’ve seen the name list, ramai lagi kes serupa macam ini. So I guess it was not exactly my fault. I think. Kot.

So the next week I got the LLB offer, but I also got an offer for a job interview.

Soalan bodoh: Boleh tak kalau saya dapat kerja saya tak mahu sambung LLB dah? Nak duit. Nak beli kereta. Nak beli rumah. Nak beli baju. Kasut. Handphone baru. Novel. Novel. Novel. Oh. Sangat materialistiklah kamu Didi.

Tapi since Pappito cakap “pergi belajarlah kakak, nanti kalau dah kerja mesti mu tak sambung dah” so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Tapi adakah ini bermaksud sara hidup sepanjang pengajian ni akan ditanggung oleh ibu bapa juga? Harapan lah Didi. Mesti kena cari pinjaman lagi. Habis belajar kerja nanti gaji habis membayar hutang sahaja okay. Hurm. Tolong bagi saya seribu ringgit sekarang. Saya nak bayar yuran and beli baju black and white. Hoho.

Guess I’m going to be a poor student living frugally for another year, people. T_____________T

Okaylah. Sehingga bertemu lagi.

Eh. Jap. I haven't told you how thankful I am for getting that LLB offer, right? I may not sound that enthusiastic, but seriously, I am so very thankful. Thank you Allah! Alhamdulillah… thank You for granting me what I’ve been wishing for, and for getting me a step closer to my ambition…

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Syukurlillah.

Cuma.

I also need some motivation to keep going… please dear Allah, grant me that too.

Life is, kinda…. kinda… dull.
at this moment.

Ta~

Gelak Guling-Guling

2010-12-07T08:40:00.001+08:00

Selamat Tahun Baru 1432H, semua orang!~

Ini senaman hilang mengantuk gaya kami. LOL!
Chicky Dance? Now you know we can be chicky as well, huh? =p

Comelkan mereka?

Ahhh how can I face life after them? It will be so.very.extremely. DULL. :(

Tinggal 2 hari cuma. DUA HARI!

Mari menangis beramai-ramai.

T___________________T

Third Entry

2010-12-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

Kasihan penghuni Islah tiap-tiap hari terpaksa dengar cerita tentang budak-budak. Dalam sepuluh ayat yang keluar dari mulut kami, mesti ada satu yang sebut tentang Daurah. Bayangkanlah, perempuan kan suka bercakap banyak. Dalam sehari, berapa patah ayat yang ustaz bagitahu hari tu? 10 000? 20 000? Sabar jelah. Setiap hari ada macam-macam cerita. Teruja benar mahu berkongsi dengan sahabat di Islah. Maka kamu tahulah kan, pengalaman menjadi fasilitator kali ini sebenarnya sangat menyeronokkan. :)

Kamu tahu, menulis itu terapi. {Tiba-tiba dah tukar topic} Lihat, bila saya menulis dalam blog ini, walaupun dalam apa situasi sekali pun, gembira sedih suka duka atau teruja, akan saya tukar menjadi ayat bersahaja, atau kadang-kadang hiperbola.

Ya, membebel dengan banyak itu seronok.

Ada waktu saya terfikir juga, seperti hipokrit kan menulis selalu dalam nada gembira-gembira? Sedangkan dalam kehidupan yang sebenar, saya seorang yang skema, dan serius, dan menjengkelkan dengan tahap formaliti tertinggi. Reserved, sampai suatu hari saya boleh dapat mesej:

‘Kak, boraklah dengan orang sebelah tu.’

Tengok betapa teruknya tahap skill sosial saya? Sudahlah kurang pandai bergurau. Memberi respon kepada gurauan orang juga tidak berapa pandai (kecuali dengan mereka yang benar-benar rapat). Kalau saya berpaling pergi tiba-tiba seperti tidak endah gurauan kamu, maafkanlah. Saya masih belajar dengan banyak. Dari kamu pun saya banyak belajar, sunshine. Kamu tahu, yang saya pandai secara original hanyalah senyum dan tertawa. Pathetic. Sangat.

Tetapi hari ini saya sedar, bila menulis dengan nada gembira, secara tidak sedar mood diri mudah bertukar ceria juga. Betullah, menulis boleh mengurangkan stress. Jadi maaflah kalau Dyana yang kamu kenali di luar tidak sama dengan Dyana si penulis. Seperti yang pernah saya baca dahulu: I simply am one person who wears many different hats. Yang ini saya, yang itu pun saya. Cumanya, janganlah mudah membuat kesimpulan tentang saya bila kamu hanya pernah melihat one side of me. Boleh?

Kenapa tiba-tiba cerita tentang ini?

Tempoh hari saya diminta menerangkan tentang diri sendiri. Sebentar, saya terkedu. Sudah lama saya tak muhasabah diri, memikirkan what kind of a person I really am. Mungkin kerana saya yakin sahabat-sahabat yang dekat dengan diri memang sudah kenal dan menerima saya seadanya. Walaupun saya sendiri kadang-kadang merasakan diri sendiri insufferable. Hohoho. Oh, tidak. Itu sangat pathetic, bukan? Haish.

Sudahlah. Topic tentang diri sendiri sangat membosankan.

Sebenarnya nak cerita benda lain. Mari masuk topic baru lagi.

Beberapa minggu lepas, usai final exam, exact date forgotten, saya pergi merayap dengan Bulan dan Faza ke KLCC. Ok, sebenarnya pergi sebab Bulan mahu attend career fair in Biotech, yang saya agak tidak berapa mahu faham, tetapi tetap macam best juga mendengar ceramah macam-macam yang Jobstreet aturkan. Sementara Bulan mengisi borang, saya pergilah dengar petua-petua penampilan diri, membuat resume yang baik dan menghadiri interview.

Secara jujurnya, dari sudut cara penyampaian, ada yang bagus, tetapi ada seorang penyampai yang agak tidak ..... er, okay dyana tak baik mengumpat orang. Tetapi common sense lah kan kalau kamu berada di atas pentas dengan skirt pendek dan baju sendat, dan kamu sendiri kelihatan tidak selesa dengan pakaian kamu, it will distract others’ attention from the message you are trying to convey. Tak kisahlah kamu Melayu ke Cina ke India, Muslim ke Budha ke Hindu... Sopan itu kan budaya dan adat orang timur. Hurm, satu lagi... projection of voice. Hurm. Nyaring sangat kot. Hurm. Mengumpatkah ini namanya? Entah.

Yang penting, lepas hadiri pameran kerjaya, kami pergi KINOKUNIYA. :)

Waktu itu baru tersedar betapa lamanya saya tak menjejak kaki ke sana. Suatu waktu dulu itu hobi utama, tahu. Pantang ada masa senggang saya selalu merayap seorang-seorang ke sana. Dahulu saya punya banyak masa terluang, waktu semester pertama sebab ada dua subjek dengan pengecualian kredit. Dan dahulu saya sangat berani. Sekarang kalau pergi mana-mana seorang diri ada rasa tidak berapa seronok. Mesti mahu ada teman juga. Waktu belajar untuk final exam pun mahu berdua dengan kawan, baru rasa macam bersemangat. Kenapa ya? Sekarang sudah agak kurang berdikari.

Balik ke topic kedai buku. KINOKUNIYA. Wah, sungguh kagum menatap kembali pelbagai jenis buku. Teruja! Terimbas memori-memori silam. Tersedar dah berapa lama asyik menghadap buku pelajaran sahaja. Examlah katakan. Tanpa sedar rupanya sudah banyak novel-novel baru daripada my fav authors. Jadi dan dan tu jugak buat wishlist. Hehe. :)

Here:

The Nanny Returns, by Emma McLaughlin
Mini Shopaholic, by Sophie Kinsella
The Rainmaker, by John Grisham.
The Associate, by John Grisham.
The Partner, by John Grisham.
Thanks for the Memories, by Cecelia Ahern.
The Book of Tomorrow, by Cecelia Ahern.
If You Could See Me Now, by Cecelia Ahern.

Okay so these aren’t exactly new.They’re just some of the books that I’ve missed catching up with when they came out. And I also looked at some TOEFL references.... just in case I’ll need them. Someday.... if.

Cukuplah berangan dengan banyak, Dyana.

Cemerlang kan tiga entri dalam satu hari. Hoho. Maklumlah sekarang hujung minggu sahaja yang benar-benar free. Eh, ye ke? Macam banyak lagi je kerja yang belum selesai. Adush. Tak kisahlah.

Okay, nak pergi convo Uda dengan Rizal pula. Jom!~

Sehingga ketemu lagi! :)

the {Convocation}

2010-12-04T01:56:00.006+08:00

Okay, the second event.

First, if you have no idea about this, let it be known that apart from being born into a family of nine siblings, I’ve acquired another type of family, another set of siblings, which is almost as precious as my own blood. Because you see, what we’ve gone through with each other, those moments when we could share what we felt, and what we faced, only with each other... the bond we created, it was such a unique one... I simply can’t find the word to describe it.

We named it Sumayyah Sisters.

Okay, so I call it Sumayyah Sisters for the sake of giving it a name – it is usually always just {adik-beradik 2009} which isn’t even a name, right? Anyway, we are siblings because we used to live in the same house for that year and had given ourselves each a name... along, angah achik.. the rest, you know, the usual..

So. As time went by, we tried our best to keep in touch with each other, which was rather hard, because some of us already left Selangor, and the rest were often always always too busy. Still, we managed a few gatherings, for birthday celebrations for instance (in the middle of the night dekat tengah-tengah alam) and that one ziarah to Uda’s house...

Thing is, I believe that this relationship is too precious to be wasted away. To quote a phrase used by one of us some time ago: antara kita ada cinta yang luar biasa...

So when it was time for the youngest of us to attend her graduation ceremony, we simply had to be there for her. By hook or by crook. It was so important that those who were in Shah Alam attended this, because the effort to do so, when each of us are currently working part time, to me, would reflect how far we would go in order to attend even bigger events in future... weddings for example?

Because the time will come when we have to spend money to travel, and perhaps ask for time off from work, and bring along the husbands and kids... just so we could gather again. When that time come, I wonder... would we be able to sacrifice?

Anyway, many congratulations to Nor Amalina Mohd Foat, our Ucu, for having graduated successfully.

Really, even though she’s the youngest, she’s quite very mature in her personality, very much respected for her views and often, her advice is one that I sought for in various matters. She’s first born in her family, so it’s kind of expected of her, I guess.

Again, let’s see some pictures! :)

Konon-konon lempar topi, tapi terlalu tinggi. salahkan photographer!

the greens among the greeneries.

Tahniah Ila, Ucu and Syida!~

Allah, kekalkan ukhuwah ini...

taken on Anjang's birthday celebration, which explains why she's on every pic. :)

Tata~

the {Wedding}

2010-12-04T00:34:00.001+08:00

It’s December! Welcome, December dear !~

Walaupun post yang lepas macam dah masuk bulan Disember tapi hari ni baru nak excited, bolehkah? Dah hujung tahun, people. 2010 is about to end. Soon. So cepat.

December is actually a special month to us, but that’s another story, so nanti-nanti kita cerita. *wink*

Hari ini mahu cerita pasal dua event special kepada dua orang istimewa dalam hidup saya {dan kami semua}.

Pertama, my Ayang kawin. Sahabat dunia akhirat saya, teman menangis ketawa jarak jauh dan dekat, Puan Nurhanis sah menjadi isteri kepada Encik Shaari pada 16 October 2010, pada hari lahirnya yang ke 26. Such a notty bride she was (yes, mengumpat kamu disini).

Majlis resepsi dibuat Sabtu dan Ahad lepas. Jadi minggu lepas sekali lagi Dyana mengukur jalan ke utara. Kalau waktu Ayang nikah saya hangkut satu kereta, kali ini saya pergi seorang-seorang. *Sob sob*

Kalau dulu siap singgah Cameron Highland walaupun sebentar cuma, kali ini pergi malam, esok petang terus pulang ke Shah Alam.

Itu kali pertama naik Keretapi Tanah Melayu untuk perjalanan jarak jauh, tahu? Ada kejakunan di situ. Juga sedikit debaran. Sedikit sahaja okay, saya kan selalu pandai berdiri di atas kaki sendiri. Cuma yang tak tahannya, terhantuk-hantuk dahi di cermin menahan diri dari terlelap sebab takut terlepas stesen Kampar. Bukan pernah sampai kan, jadi perlu berhati-hati. Sedar-sedar esoknya ada benjol di dahiku. Haish.

Tapi tak mengapalah, untuk kamu Ayang, gunung sanggup ku daki, lautan sanggup kuredahi. Kalau ada sayap kan lagi best, boleh terbang sahaja bila mahu jumpa kamu. Hehe. =p Dahlah celoteh, meh tengok gambar comot pengantin nakal ni.

Sejurus selepas sah bergelar isteri.

Sarung cincin :)

outdoor photoshoot - gambar diambil dari FB Anis Hamid

Sangat suka gambar ni!~

See? Main cak-cak pulak. Seb baik comel.

Okay, event kedua jap nanti lah. Takpun esok, okay?

Jumpa lagi, kawan-kawan.~

New VIP

2010-12-01T02:06:00.004+08:00

Tak kira. Walaupun sepatutnya tidur awal-awal dan bangun awal-awal, mahu menulis juga. Tak kiralah dah tengah malam ke, awal pagi ke... Macam bosan dah lama tak meluah perasaan secara emosi. Kebelakangan ini selalu skema, tahu? Anak ramai sangat. Tiap-tiap hari penat.

Comel macam mana pun, di hujung setiap hari, exhausted okay. Tapi memang comel lah. Bukan calang-calang punya comel. Kalau dah terlalu nakal tu ada juga perasaan mahu memakan mereka. Suara sekarang lantang je memanjang. Hilang sudah si gadis melayu yang sememangnya tak berapa mahu ayu. Adui. Membebel (hobi nombor empat) sudah naik ke tangga teratas. Sebab, jentik telinga banyak kali pun tak berkesan. Tengok mata macam dah merah berair seperti sudah mahu menangis, tapi saya pusing sikit jap lagi dia berlari-lari semula. Haish. Tapi mak saya pesan: JANGAN SENTUH ANAK ORANG. See? Mummy tak kasi jentik. So caner? Haish.

Tak mengapa, lupakan soal kerjaya untuk sementara.

Dan. Mari berkenalan dengan orang baru dalam hidup saya! :)

Orangnya suci bersih. Secalit dosa pun tak ada. Tengok muka dia pun hati dah rasa tenang. Sangat baik. Sangat tak banyak songeh. Sangat menimbulkan kasih sayang dengan banyak dan dalam-dalam. Saya jatuh cinta dengan dia pada pandangan pertama.. Pemikirannya sangat rational. Bila ada masalah besar sahaja dia emosi. Contohnya bila sustenance hidup lambat diberikan. Senyumannya sangat manis. Dan dia comel. Dah cakap belum? COMEL!

Bayi pun ada pemikiran rational tahu. Jangan main-main. Dalam kamus DyanaSu ada. :)

Namanya Maryam. Nur Maryam Muhammad Hijjaz. Sempena namanya ibu Nabi Isa. Tapi ada satu masalah dengan nama ini. Haish. Nama dah cantik tetap juga datang masalah kan? Well, nothing is perfect after all. Ceh, macam besar sangat lah masalahnya.

Okay. Okay. Melalut dengan banyak sudah. Masalah yang tidak berapa berat itu adalah, kalau kamu tanyakan buah hati saya siapa nama baby, dengan penuh keterujaan jawapan yang akan diberikan ialah:

...

...

...

“Ayam!” HAHA.

Janganlah marah dia. Budak pelat umur 2 tahun macam tulah. Buah hati saya tu tiba-tiba sahaja pandai bercakap dengan aktif sekarang. Tetiba. Ummi dia cakap, lepas balik dari hospital lepas bersalin tengok-tengok anak sulungnya pandai sudah berkata-kata. Magik. Hamboi dia sekarang kalau nak masuk bilik bukan main kuatnya: “Aunty Didi bukak pintu!!!” Arahan. Hamboi3.

Tapi masih, dia paling comel di hatiku. Rindu. Rindu. Rindu. Jauh sangatlah kamu duduk di Terengganu. Balik Selangor cepat. And jangan jatuh hati lebih-lebih dengan che ana, che nor and che ina tau! Jangan lupakan aunty didi tau. Ah, dibakar api cemburu haku di sini. *muntah, sila2*

Baik. Masuk topic lain.

Hidup sekarang tergantung. Tiap-tiap hari berdebar. Malas cerita sebenarnya tapi nak cerita juga. Kalau pening dinasihatkan hentikan bacaan kamu sekarang.

Hidup tergantung menunggu keputusan. Luluskah. Gagalkah (Na’uzubillah).

Tapi jujurnya saya bimbang sampai termimpi-mimpi. Sudah berapa kali mimpi buruk. Nak enjoy gembira au ketawa lebih-lebih pun tidak mampu. Nanti pasti ada kejutan dari dalam diri sendiri, ingatan bahawa hidup sekarang penuh ketidakpastian. Ingatan bahawa kalau terlalu gembira ada kemungkinan akan menangis dengan banyak secara tak berapa tiba-tiba.

Jadi kalau nak tengok movie pun kita tengok Kuch Kuch Hota Hai sahajalah. Lupakan Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows segala. sebab tengok kuch kuch boleh menangis tanpa segan. Menangis sekarang lebih baik kan.

Okay dyana sila jangan lupa doa itu senjata orang mukmin. Nasihat orang pandai kan.

Menghitung hari. Walaupun sebenarnya tak pasti bila keputusan keluar. Terhitung juga kerana setiap hari menulis tarikh kan di papan putih, jadi kalau tak nak ingat pun teringat jugak. Juga sebab jap-jap kawan-kawan tanya tahukah bila keputusan keluar. Atau di facebook, status-status mereka yang sama-sama pening seperti saya. Rakan-rakan seangkatan.

Kawan-kawan, tolonglah saya. Doakan saya lulus peperiksaan. Doakan saya graduate semester ni. Dan doakan saya dapat sambung pelajaran. Tolong, ya? Kawan-kawan kan budiman.

......

......

......

Ah. Cerita tentang ini menghilangkan mood. Baik saya tidur sekarang. Esok mahu kerja lagi. Esok entah cabaran apa lagi yang menanti. Moga Allah kuatkan Dyana. Amin, Ya Rabb.

Jumpa lagi.

Tata~

Menulis cara orang malas {sepatah-sepatah}

2010-11-12T23:16:00.002+08:00

Natijahnya tidur lambat: bangun lambat. Tahniah, Dyana.
Terpisat-pisat. Terkejut kerana sedar sudah lewat.
Janji temu, jam 10 pagi.
Siap-siap jam 11 baru mahu keluar rumah.
Bagus kan? Perempuan.

Sibuk lagi hari ini. Ke sana sini lagi sekali.
Pelik. Buat apa sebenarnya tidak pasti.
Yang pasti, usul telah dihantar.
Selesai satu tugasan. Alhamdulillah.

Hantar kawan ke stesen bas. Jam 4.
Mengajar. Jam 5.
Pergi ambil buku. Jam 6.
Mengkaji masa depan. Malam.

Rezeki cikgu murah, tahu?
Minggu lepas - kerepek dari Indonesia
{rupanya seperti rempeyek, tapi dibuat dari tempe + daun limau purut}.
Semalam - udang segar dari Sabah.
Hari ini - COKLAT! *syurga*

Dan. Menu istimewa Islah hari ini - mee kari dengan udang segar yang besar-besar.
Terima kasih, Syida. :)

Er.

2010-11-12T03:01:00.000+08:00

Pagi tadi mimpi buruk. Sedih.
(Mimpi pun boleh sampai sedih begini.)

Hari-hari sekarang macam agak sibuk.
Ya. Walaupun peperiksaan sudah berakhir.

Periksa proposal, progress tidak begitu baik.
Periksa resume, belum dimulakan pun.
Tuliskan CV, hanya separuh jalan.
(Semua bukan hak milik sendiri)

Mengajar. Seperti biasa.

Teman kawan cari rumah. Tak jumpa yang berkenan.

Penat. Memandu jarak jauh (jika Shah Alam - Setapak boleh dikategorikan sebagai jauh) adalah memenatkan. Sesiapa sudi menjadi driver saya? Please…? *mata kelip-kelip*

Eh tunggu. Kena beli kereta sendiri dulu.

Dengar radio tadi, tentang riak. Takut. Allah, mohon jauhkan itu.

Suram. Sudah mentionkah? Belum.
Ya. Suram. T_____________________T
Dan. Tidak dapat melelapkan mata.

Tidak mahu kembali jadi burung hantu. Tidur sekarang. Babai.

Of random thoughts..

2010-10-31T11:54:00.001+08:00

{I can't see any purpose in this writing... but I still want to post it}

You can wake up angry and irritated in the morning, [more irritated then angry, I guess] yet after like, half an hour and you see the person(s) who caused you the irritation were sleeping so soundly, so tiredly, your heart can melt like chocolate and your mind will say,

‘oh these people… I love them’.

I woke up this morning freezing because it was too cold. So I went into my own room and put my feet under layers of blankets and pillows. Turned out I fell asleep last night at H’s room while chatting with the moon. Few minutes into this second slumber, I heard voices as they entered the room and someone approached the bed I was lying on, and took away the blankets and pillows (so selambaly! my angry mind was saying at that time), leaving my feet bare and vulnerable again.

I can’t stand coldness, you see.

So after few minutes pretending to be still sleeping, I gave up.

Good thing, too, since this unfortunate anger caused me to be up early.

and those princesses. they look really really tired...

Gula-gula untuk hari lahirmu

2010-10-26T23:11:00.001+08:00

Sembilan adik beradik. Macam ramai.
Tetapi bila masa semuanya sudah dewasa, rumah itu tetap sunyi sahaja.

Sekarang rumah itu tinggal si bongsu sahaja. Si bongsu yang tingginya mengalahkan semua kakak-kakaknya. Bahkan hampir mencecah tinggi si abang. Si bongsu yang akan menghadapi peperiksaan paling susah November nanti.

Si bongsu, yang hari ini usianya menjengah angka 17.

26 Oktober 1993: Tarikh kamu dilahirkan. Namun bila Mama pulang, kamu tidak ikut sekali. Kamu tinggal di hospital. Asma. Suatu petang, mungkin esoknya (memoriku kelabu di situ), sewaktu aku baru pulang dari sekolah teriakan Emi menyambutku. Saat itu baru sahaja kakiku mencecah tanah turunnya dari beca,

“Adik dah balik! Adik baru dah balik!”

Teruja benar kami dengan hadirmu, tahu? Juga tahukah kamu, sewaktu kamu bayi begitu, kakak punya satu hobi? Menggomol-gomol kamu dengan dasyat sambil memanggil kamu dengan semua manis-manisan yang ada di minda seorang kanak-kanak berusia 8 tahun.

Sweetheart darling baby honey. Semuanya untuk kamu.

Dan selalu, sewaktu aku masih kecil dan innocent itu.. bila kamu tidur dengan lena, aku bisikkan ke telinga kamu doa begini:

“Nanti baby bila besar jadi anak solehah, ya.” Oh panjang lagi sebenarnya leteran bersulam doaku padamu dahulu. Tapi solehah itu yang paling penting. :)

Lihat. Sayang sekali aku pada kamu bukan? DAHULU. Haha! =D

Iaitu sebelum kamu pandai bicara dan melawan segala cakapku. Sebelum kamu pandai merengek dan mengada-ngada. Kerana bila itu terjadi, tanganku hanya pantas mencubit-cubit kamu. Biar sampai kamu menangis. Tidak mengapa. Memandangkan aku sangat pasti dalam segala hal Mama akan memihak padamu. HAHA. Ya, kakak kamu kejam. =p

Tapi. Benar kata kak Ruhaida Su. Kamu dahulu sangat comel. Terlalu. Aku dulu suka ikatkan rambut kamu, tocang di tengah kepala seperti pohon kelapa belakang rumah tok. Aku dulu suka potongkan rambut kamu, lurus di bahagian dahi sama rata dengan keningmu. Tidak kisahlah Abang Sulung tak suka gaya begitu, yang penting indah di mataku.

Kita tak pernah diajar bermain anak patung kan? Tiada Barbie segala - jadi kamulah anak patung mainanku. Kejam lagi sekali. HAHA. Tetapi tengoklah semua gambar yang dahulu itu, kenapa kamu comel? Sebab kamu ada seorang penasihat fashion sejak kamu kecil lagi. (Segala kakak-kakakmu yang lain dilupakan dengan sengaja disini.) Kenapa kamu selalu comot sekarang? Sebab aku sudah tiada masa mengambil tahu. *gelak guling-guling!* OK TIPU. Sebab kamu sudah pandai bergaya sendiri sekarang tidak perlukan kakak menyibuk lagi. =p

Cepat sekali masa berlalu, sudah 17 tahun. Sudah besar kamu. Sudah punya personality sendiri. Sudah ada BFF segala. Sudah ada Fecebook. Sudah ada blog. Sudah pandai design itu ini sendiri walau dahulu suka copy paste design dan coding kakak. =p Malah, Sudah lebih kreatif daripadaku.

Dan. Kamu juga sudah mahu SPM. Dan kemudian, hidupmu akan masuk perenggan baru..

Untuk itu, doa ini aku titipkan buatmu: Semua yang terbaik buatmu, duhai adik. Moga Allah berkati, setiap sedut nafas dan langkah kakimu.

Kamu, adik kebanggaan kami, Arina Su. Sayang kamu.

Never say never

2010-10-10T20:56:00.001+08:00

A thousand miles I'd run and walk

A thousand times I'd slip and fall

But for you I'd do it again

A thousand times...

A Thousand Times

Sir Amri: I don't want you to be a Super Woman. I want you to debate, and focus on debating.

2010-10-06T22:10:00.001+08:00

That was 2002. This is now. 2010.

I'm quitting. I’m saying no. Simply because I can’t do it anymore.

People think that I know so much already it’d took me only minutes to complete a design. That’s not true you know. Three years ago that may have been the case. Then my mind was full of ideas and colours. Not anymore. I’m out of practice. My mind these days contains only words. Black and White.

And please recall. Or ask anyone who’s close enough to remember. When I’m designing I’d be staring at the screen for hours and hours and hours. I’d do nothing else. I’d be playing with all the colours and brushes and fonts before I could again find that design I’m searching for. Before that idea would pop and my fingers would run fast. That’s a lot of time. Lots. I can’t afford that anymore.

I’m sorry. Really, I am. I’m sorry to let go of this. I’m sorry that I refused to help. I’m more sorry then you are. More sorry then you could ever imagine. Coz this used to a big part of me. It used to be my DREAM.

But I had to. Enough that I broke my promise once and let people down. I don’t want to repeat that.

Dad used to say that I don’t know how to focus. It’s true you know.

I’ll focus now. I’ll use my time for what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ll read.

And perhaps I’ll be a Lawyer {or anything related to lawyering}.

So bye, Graphic Designer.

Last, for now.

Mari Jakun Bersama Dyana

2010-09-25T04:13:00.003+08:00

Kamu ceritalah tentang kereta jenis apapun, kemungkinan besar saya tidak begitu hairan. Tidaklah bermaksud mata tidak menjeling dan kepala tak terpaling heleng bila kereta comel atau smart atau super nice looking melintas di hadapan. Cumanya saya tidak hairan kerana nak beli pun sekarang tiada kemampuan kan. Tunggulah nanti bila sudah kaya kita borong semua. Iaitu setelah langsai semua hutang pembelajaran. Terima Kasih.

Tetapi dengar ini pengumuman:
Dyana Su sangat jakun dengan ALZA Ruzanna Su.

Ahaks.

CIVIC pun saya tak kisah, tahu? (cuma kisah bila bawa dekat highway punyalah best sampai 130km pun tak sedar kalau tak ada orang menjerit “KAKAK KENAPA LAJU SANGAT” uhuk uhuk asyik terbatuk sahaja sekarang ini.) Tetapi ini serius dengan Alza yang satu ini saya cukup “wah, ye ke. WAH!” dan “Kak Eda, kereta Civic kamu boleh buat beginikah? Eh tidak? WAH lagi sekali” :)

Punca apakah kejakunan itu? Kenapakah?

“Kereta pun ada Bluetooth!!!” Terjerit Dyana keriangan.

Macam teknologi yang kecil sahaja bagi orang lain. HAHAHA. Dan entah-entah sekarang MyVI VIVA segala pun ada Bluetooth aku seorang sahaja yang jakun tidak tahu. =p

Biarlah. Tetap juga saya mahu cerita. Sebab cuba bayangkan perjalanan beberapa jam dari Kuantan-Kuala Lumpur tanpa apa-apa hiburan? Frekuensi radio kan berubah-rubah dari pekan ke pekan. Jangan mimpilah ada CD lagu ke apa ke dalam kereta kerana itu semua pembaziran mengikut kamus hidup Ibu Bapa. Maka cuba bayangkan betapa BOSAN. Sebenarnya saya telah mensumbat telinga menyanyi seorang-seorang tetapi PAPAku marah suruh diam. Ina pula mendesak-desak mana boleh dengar seorang-seorang.

Habis bagaimanakah? Telefonku itu sudah beribu kali jatuh speakernya sudah tidak berapa mahu best. Ina pun menjawab. Bluetooth lah kakak supaya satu kereta boleh dengar.

“Wah bolehkah begitu???” soalan jakun pertama.
“Boleh, mari sini aku buat.” Jawab adik bongsu yang jelas sekarang lebih updated dengan segala teknologi daripada si kakak.
“Boleh control melalui hanset sahajakah?” soalan jakun yang kedua.
“Iye la” Adik bijak menjawab.
“Jap-jap. Pilih lagu baik-baik dahulu.” HAHAHA. Hipokrit depan Ibu Bapa. Folder Maher Zain sahaja yang dibuka.

Maka terdengarlah kalimah baik-baik di corong speaker kereta. Tidak jadi Ibu Bapa berleter apabila yang dipasang adalah suara merdu yang membawa kepada mengingati Allah. Walaupun sewaktu itu sudah mahu tiba di Kuala Lumpur, tetapi jadilah. Dalam kesesakan lalu lintas yang tidak seronok itu ada hiburan yang menenangkan jiwa raga biarpun terselit juga Baik Baik Sayang satu sebab Ina request.

Kamu tahulah kan, budak-budak remaja zaman sekarang... Haish, tak tahu mahu jadi apa… *geleng kepala dengan dasyat* Minah jiwang agaknya… *sambung lagi geleng*

*gelak guling-guling, mari*

Oklah. Sudahlah melalut. Pergi tidur lebih baik.

Sebelum itu: PERODUA, saya sudah tolong promote teknologi canggih dalam ALZA, so sila bagi komisyen, ya. HAHAHA Dyana bermimpi di malam hari.

Lain kali jumpa lagi!~ :)

p.s: Gejala tidak tidur ini berpunca daripada dua cawan Kopi Radix yang ditelan. Salahkan HPA. Terima Kasih.

Entri Kurang Faedah

2010-09-24T17:14:00.002+08:00

Tuan rumah patut datang hari-hari.

Ya. Begitulah kata-kata yang diulang-ulang semalam. Bukan saya seorang. Mereka juga berkata yang sama. Kenapakah?

Sebab dia kata muka Dyana macam pelakon filem Hindustankah? *gelak sampai termuntah*

Habsah sila simpan rasa cemburu itu, jangan tunjuk sangat. *gelak lagi*

Ini kalau dulu umur saya 4 5 6 7 sampai ke belasan tahun, ada jugak saya merajuk masuk bilik tutup dan kunci pintu sampai datang sesiapa menafikan kenyataan itu sebagai tidak benar. Ahaks. Tetapi sekarang sudah besar terpaksalah terima sedikit sebanyak memang ada iras wajah India kerana memang moyang saya India. Tuan rumah dimaafkan berkata demikian kerana ayat dia yang pertama adalah “yang ini macam pelakon” HAHAHA. Hindustan itu semua datang kemudian, ok.

Tuan rumah patut datang hari-hari.

Sebab sebenarnya ialah kerana tidak sampai setengah jam rumah jadi clean and clear, bersih dan kemas dan wangi. Habsah menjerit: “Tuan rumah on the way!” Maka bertempiaranlah berlari-lari rakyat jelata Islahians tak menang tangan semua nak dikemaskan. Macam magik. Macam waktu fairy godmother Cinderella tukarkan labu jadi carriage and tikus jadi kuda segala bagai. Pernah dengar cerita itu? Begitulah lebih kurangnya. :)

Juga macam semasa warden datang periksa dorm di asrama, remember? *uhuk.uhuk.terbatuk pulak*

Sebab kedua pula ialah beliau telah berjanji menyelesaikan masalah-masalah teknikal di rumah ini. Hati berbunga gembira. Nanti tangki akan dibaiki, tidaklah melimpah lagi air menyebabkan bil naik berbillion dollar dan pembaziran amalan syaitan berleluasa. InsyaAllah akan dapat kipas baru, dan pelbagai lagi janji-janji manis yang ditaburkan semalam.

Yang penting sudah dapat keizinan memasang Wall Shelf yang telah dibeli sejak zaman purba kala tetapi masih tidak berani digrillkan ke dinding. Pertama, kerana penakut. Takut kena saman dengan Tuan Rumah kerana merosakkan dinding. Kedua, tiada mesin grill. Ketiga, tiada teman lelaki untuk tolong grill. HAHAHA. Kawan lelaki berlambak tetapi kerana tidak mahu dikatakan manja tidak pandai berdikari maka terima kasihlah, nanti saya buat sendiri [ye je].

Isteri Tuan Rumah bertanya: “Kamu semua tiada teman lelakikah untuk tolong buat kerja baiki membaiki ni? Panggillah mereka sahaja.”

Kami: [Gelak tersipu-sipu beramai-ramai. HAHAHA]

Dyana: Esok lah saya cari boyfriend seorang untuk buat itu.

Rupa-rupanya baru saya tahu itu tujuan mempunyai teman lelaki. Supaya boleh baikikan paip, bumbung, lampu kipas dan sink yang tersumbat. Benarkah begitu? Kalau macam tu, kena selidiklah dahulu kamu-kamu, “adakah kamu seorang lelaki yang handy?” sewaktu interview nanti. Ok, hanya gurauan sahaja golongan Adam, usahlah melenting. Tapi sama juga kan, mereka selalu bertanya “adakah kamu pandai memasak itu ini?” maka tidak salahkan kita membalas tanya? :)

Orang single mingle bergaya memang banyak songeh itu pasal dia tak kahwin-kahwin lagi. =p

Baik. Berhenti mengarut. Cinta sebelum kahwin tak baik, tahu?

Mari baca dialog ini sebelum saya mengundur diri. Ini dialog antara seorang jejaka berjiwa romantis dan seorang gadis yang skema. Tak pasti dialog ini ada copyright ke tidak tetapi sudah semestinyalah saya mencurinya somewhere. Maaf ya, tuan punya dialog yang asli. Awak quote saya di blog awak kan, so saya quote awak di sini, boleh ya? Terima kasih. =)

Him: Is your name Google?
Her: What does that mean?
Him: Jawabla.
Her: My name is D not G.
Him: Alahai… tau. Jawab yes/no. Pastu tanya why.
Her. No. Why.

(silences)

Her: Tak jawab pun soalan saya?
Him: Because you got everything I searched for.
Her: New quote?
Him: haha
Her: Nice one, that.

Yang diboldkan sahaja yang penting, tahu? Itu gula-gula. Kata si gadis skema kalaulah tidak kerana sudah tahu si jejaka memang selalu memberi kata-kata manis dengan tidak semena-mena mahu juga dia terperasan dan mencair di situ. HAHAHA. Ok, hentikan entry mengarut dan kurang berfaedah ini.

Tata~

Of Night.

2010-09-02T00:53:00.003+08:00

Hai, nama saya Hedwig.

Tahu kamu siapa Hedwig? Kalau tak tahu pun tidak mengapa, tidak begitu penting pun. Yang penting Ruhaida-Ruzanna-Athirah-Arina Su pasti tahu. HAHA. Rahifah Sulong tidak masuk book. Beliau berbeza di situ. Arwah pun tidak tahu, arwah hanya layan Spongebob dan Mawi sahaja. Siapa entah yang ajar. {Jawapan: Kak Ana}

Jap. Jap. Is Hedwig a female, you think? Kerana saya belum bersedia menukar jantina. If Hedwig’s a male, then saya tak nak jadi Hedwig. Jadi Errol pun tak nak, tua sangat tak larat. Jadi Pigwidgeon (betulkah ejaan ini?) lagi tak nak, sebab Ginny panggil dia Pig. NO WAY.

Maka tidak mengapalah. Jadi manusia itu kan lebih baik? Sesempurna kejadian. Apakah kamu tidak tahu bersyukur, Dyana? Sila baca Surah Ar-Rahman sekarang!

Baik. Cukuplah mempeningkan kepala para pembaca.

Tajuk cerita hari ini adalah burung hantu. Kerana hujung minggu dan beberapa hari yang lepas insomnia menyerang tidak mahu tidur malam di waktu malam. Ayat berganda - kesalahan tatabahasa. Cikgu Bahasa Melayu, sila pejamkan mata atau beredar segera. Er, Papa dulu ada ajar Bahasa Melayu jugak kan? Habisla aku. Cool dad, cool! {Macam beranilah cakap begitu pada sang ayah.}

Mungkin ada yang nak tahu apakah yang dibuat apabila alam mimpi tidak menggamit perasaan kantuk. Pertama, menghabiskan ceritera Death Note II - siaran ulangan + L will change the world (sebenarnya merajuk tidak terasa mahu bercakap dengan manusia maka menghadap laptop adalah perkara paling mudah). Faza jugalah yang menteman. Tetiba sahaja dia ada di sebelah. Balik dari mana entah tengah-tengah malam. Biasa dia tu~

HAHA macamlah tidak pernah keluar malam kan kamu?

Malam kedua, mendengar cerita penglipur lara yang didatangkan khas dari Sungai Buloh. Tajuk cerita: Tabung Emosi. Jangan main-main itukan petikan kosa kata daripada “The 7 Habits” (yang sampai hari ini belum habis-habis juga ditelaah =p). Yang penting bicara penglipur lara itupun tentang hidup. Bertiga sahaja kami menyemakkan ruang kecil di tengah dunia Islah. Bertiga sahaja berbisik-bisik dengan mata cerah tidak mahu pejam-pejam juga. Ada gaya sesi Gossip Girl di Bulan Ramadhan versi II di situ. :)

Last-last, bila penglipur lara ketiduran, Faza mencari tempat lebih selesa, saya pun turunlah melakukan hobi. Kome kata gas kehabisan. Nasi sudah dimasak dengan banyak. Jadi kita cubalah menggunakan dapur elektrik Che Yun. Dapur yang selalunya hanya digunakan untuk menyediakan kuih muih DI Catering.

Tapi, saya TAK PANDAI KOT! Saya kira kuali perlu dipanaskan seperti memasak di atas dapur gas biasa, tetiba merah menyala periuk itu menimbulkan kegentaran di hatiku. Macam mahu terbakar sahaja. HAHA. Nasib baiklah datang bomba penyelamat yang baru kembali daripada melakukan kerja-kerja dakwah malam Merdeka. Sambil mereka mentolong control suhu, sambil berkongsi kisah kehidupan remaja sekarang.

Okay. Serius menakutkan cara hidup orang muda sekarang. SERIUS memerlukan perhatian. Serius sudah tiba masanya kita keluar dari kelompok sasaran dakwah ekslusif. Sudah tiba masanya menjadi lebih kreatif untuk mendekati mad’u yang tidak pernah kenal Islam dalam erti kata sebenar, yang hidup bebas tiada siapa yang mahu menegur. Kasihan mereka. Nanti di akhirat kalau kita ditanya mahu jawab apakah? Hurm…

Er. TETAPI serius tidak sesuai membiarkan Hawa sendiri-sendiri menjalankan operasi cegah maksiat tanpa pengawasan Adam. BAHAYA okay. Tengah-tengah malam begitu. Kalau mak saya tahu… Eh, tetiba nak libatkan mak dia pulak. Apa kes. HAHA. Baik. Cukup.

Kembali kepada topic dapur elektrik.

Siap lauk cincai, sedar-sedar sudah jam 5 pagi, maka gegarlah satu rumah untuk sahur. Bangun. Bangun! Tak baik tak sahur, nanti tak dapat fadhilat. Rugi. Ayat saper entah ni. =p

Balik solat Subuh, baru dia mahu tidur. Tetapi, sebentar cuma. Pukul 9 sudah pergi menuntut ilmu. Maklumlah, banyak kerjalah walaupun cuti hari Merdeka. Tetapi best. 31 Ogos 2010 yang best. Kami penuhkan dengan aktiviti, dan petangnya buat Iftar Darul Islah, untuk pertama kalinya untuk Ramadhan ini.

Serius bahagia hidup macam ini. Terima kasih Ya Allah… :)

The Un-Spirited Me

2010-08-30T16:38:00.001+08:00

Saya tidak tahu kenapa, tetapi buat masa ini saya sangatlah tidak bersemangat. Buat apapun tak larat. Atau mungkin lebih tepat, MALAS. Saya rasa macam badan sangat lembik. Kalau tidur, tidurlah sampai lama-lama siapa kejut pun tidak mahu sedar. Atau mungkin tiada siapa yang kejut kerana bila mahu tidur saya mencari tempat yang dijamin tiada gangguan bersembunyi dalam bilik Habsah yang selalunya dikunci.

Semalam yang boleh menghantar signal mahu marah hanyalah si Bulan (dia sahaja yang tahu perancangan membuta di siang hari itu) yang waktu itu berada jauh di Negeri Sembilan. Maka bila dia cakap mahu rotan, tentulah saya hanya mencebirkan bibir dan mengatakan tidak mungkin akan kesampaian rotanmu itu. Dicampur gelak jahat segala bagai tetapi dengan mata kuyu yang sangat tak larat. Tanpa sedar alam sudah berubah warna, mimpi bersilih ganti tanpa memori. Bila sedar, sudah petang bangat masa untuk menjemput Bulan dari stesen komuter juga sudah tiba. Lihat betapa lamanya? Daripada Bulan berada di Negeri Sembilan sampai beliau sampai kembali ke Shah Alam. Tak adalah lama sangat. HAHA.

Tetapi hari sebelumnya juga begitu. Seusai Klinik Bahasa Inggeris dan mesyuarat Cikgu, disambung dengan sesi Gossip Girls di Bulan Ramadhan (entah kenapa perlu ditambah bulan ramadhan di situ), dan singgah di Perpustakaan memulangkan buku, sampai di rumah saya PENGSAN sahaja. Dengan kepucatan wajah yang menimbulkan risau dan menyambar perhatian kawan-kawan sehingga my Hunny merangkap bos SEMARAK kecil memberi cuti pelepasan,

“Hunny you malam ni kalau tak mahu datang ke I-City pun takpelah you rehat sahajalah I kesian tengok you begitu tidak larat. You nak datang buka puasa sahaja pun tak apa.”

Hunny saya memang baik. Jadi macam tidak baik sangat sekiranya saya mengecewakan beliau bukan? (walaupun bukanlah penting sangat atau banyak sangat bahagian kerja saya ~ he.) Apapun saya telah gagahkan diri, walaupun hanya selepas berbuka baru terasa ada kegagahan itu. Masakan tidak gagah, sudah dijamu sepinggan Nasi Beriani Gam enak di surau hadapan rumah. Sungguh sedap dan mengingatkan saya pada kampung halaman sehingga terasa begitu gembira lebih-lebih lagi bila ada yang tercemburu. Maaf ya, iftar hanya boleh dikongsi dengan orang terdekat dan tersayang sahaja. :)

Oh. Nasib baik saya datang, tahu. Kerana kata Hunny, sang ustaz mencari ‘si moderator’. Cuba kalau saya tidak hadir, sudah lah tidak memenuhi tugasan MC yang ustaz rencanakan untuk saya, juga sesuka hati ponteng kerja edaran yang taklah susah mana pun. Walaupun tidak sengaja. Nanti nampak macam pemalas sangat. Walaupun itu macam memang hakikat sebenar, tetapi coverlah sikit tunjuk muka depan ustaz. Macam baik. Macam rajin. HAHA.

Ha. malam itu juga gembira sebab Hunny belanja permainan kanak-kanak ribena Helicopter Bercahaya. HAHA. Hunny telah mengayat penjual Indon itu dengan jayanya dan meminta diskaun dengan dasyat (kalah Mama) sehingga mendapat harga istimewa. Agak kagum di situ. Tetapi kalau Ihsan ada mesti lebih menarik. I-City itu bagi saya hanya menseronokkan sekiranya bersama kanak-kanak. Tak ada budak, tak seronok. Lama mana sangatlah kita yang sudah matang (ehem) dan dewasa ini hendak teruja dengan lampu-lampu kan? Ececeh. Tetapi ketahuilah bahawa dengan helicopter bercahaya itu saya berjaya menyebarkan virus keterujaan-serupa-kanak-kanak kepada masyarakat sekeliling yang terdiri daripada Yun, Faza dan Dayah. Sekian, terima kasih. :)

Kembali tentang semangat yang ~~langsung tidak ada~~ telah pudar. Hari ini ada satu test. Satu sahaja, International Law, open book. Hari ini bangun pagi terasa bagai mahu memponteng segala kelas. SEGALA. Malam tadi tidur dengan begitu lambat tetapi sepatah ayat Abdul Ghafur pun tidak dibaca. Jadi mana mungkin bersemangat untuk sekolah dengan keadaan langsung tidak bersedia. Ada orang risau bangat melihatkan perangai saya. Saya tahu. Kerana lagi dileter lagi Dyana memberontak. Tetapi semangat untuk mentelaah memang tidak ada. Entah ke mana perginya… Dyana, bukan ke sudah berjanji akan dapat keputusan yang terbaik? Kamu tidak mahu sambung LLB kah? Haish~

Mencongak-congak dalam hati ini mungkin kerana sekarang sudah hampir cuti, Ramadhan juga telah hampir fasa terakhir, hati jiwa raga hanya teringat mahu pulang ke kampung halaman sahaja. Buku-buku dipandang tetapi tidak terkesan di otak. Melangkah perlahan-lahan, hari ini memang tiada emosi untuk berkata-kata. Bimbang kalau bercakap, nanti sinis terlampau ada terguris hati sesiapa. Atau bila respon yang diharapkan tak dapat, nanti hati sendiri tak pasal-pasal terasa. Serba tidak kena. Hidup, beginilah. Mungkin.

Mungkin…

Nasihatilah saya...

2010-08-26T15:08:00.000+08:00

Saya sangat sibuk sebenarnya, hari ini. Tapi saya nak cakap juga kat sini.

Jangan bagi che yun tengok nanti dia marah kerja yang dia suruh buat saya tak settle lagi. Hohoho.

Dah lama saya tak dengar taujihat. Dah lama kot. Taujihat yang untuk ramai-ramai tu memang ada juga sekali sekala. Tapi yang saya dapat semalam, kata-kata semangat yang khas berkaitan dengan gusar hati saya. Yang confuse tak habis-habis dah masuk berbulan-bulan dah. Dah lama orang tak ingatkan saya dengan janji-janji manis Allah. Dah lama tak ada orang pujuk dengan kata-kata bersulam peringatan teguran dan tiupan semangat.

Lembut. Tapi menusuk.

Terima kasih, sahabat.

Of Ramadhan, of course. :)

2010-08-16T16:07:00.000+08:00

Masa untuk menulis! Masa untuk menulis!~

Kalau dibiarkan berlama-lamaan, sah nanti rumah maya ini berhabuk-habuk. Eh, macam dah seinci je habuk kat sini. Nampak tak? Aduh, kasihan dia… Maafkan saya ya membiarkan kamu begini, sayangku Menulis Hidup~

Emo pulak. Ehem.

Memandangkan sudah kena marah dengan banyak - kerana merosakkan bahasa Melayu - kali ini saya cuba untuk menulis dengan normal. Cuba sahaja, jadi tak jadi, yang penting sudah usaha, bukan?

Seminggu dua ini sibuk. Haha sepertinya saya seorang sahaja yang sibuk. Lebih tepatnya kelam kabut. Masuk rumah keluar rumah, senyum pun tidak. Muka asyik macam ni: @^@ - yang kat tengah tu kerut di dahi. Haha. Kalau ada di rumah pun asyik menghadap laptop, dan fail dan buku, dan kertas… banyaknya kertas budak undang-undang ni. Lepas print, print lagi. Lepas fotostat, fotostat lagi. Tak tahu nak baca yang mana satu. Adui. Kalau ada masa lapang Dyana kena belajar (kena sahaja, tak semestinya dia buat) kerana ada macam-macam test, assignment, presentation. Ok, you know, the usual. At least dia tak ada lab dan tak kena buat lab report segala bagai, kan? Haha - zaman itu sudah berlalu. Suka. Suka. :P

Banyaknya nak cerita sampai tidak tahu di mana harus bermula. Ha, saya tahu. Pastilah tentang Ramadhan kan?

RAMADHAN KAREEM, everyone!~ Happy Happy Fasting! This is the month full of barakah. This is the month of ‘Ibadah. Mari kejar redha Allah bersama-sama. JOM! MARI! :)

Huhu, I’m fine with fasting. Because I don’t need food that much, right? Ok, berleterlah. Berleterlah. Dyana memang tak reti nak makan dengan betul. Dua kali sehari itu sudah cukup. TAPI DIA TAK DIET. Sila jangan buat assumption bukan-bukan. Itu dah masuk tahap membuat cerita, tahu. Tak baik. Berdosa bulan-bulan puasa ni.

{I get too much comment on being overly thin, hence this outburst - so just ignore me, ok.}

Apapun, sangat membahagiakan, this Ramadhan. Kami warga Darul Islah selalunya berbuka di surau sahaja. Yup, surau yang paling hampir itulah. Tapi siang-siang macam sekarang sangatlah harum mewangi seluruh rumah dengan bau pandan segala. Sebab, housemate saya semuanya perempuan yang bersifat keperempuanan. {mereka juga berperangai sangat comel} HAHA. Tiap-tiap hari buat kuih macam-macam. Palling kurang onde-onde dan puding gula hangus. Itu belum masuk kerang rebus, mee goreng dan lain-lain.

Promosi HEBAT!: Sila dapatkan produk keluaran kami di gerai Nur Ramadhan, No. 3, Dataran Cendekia, UiTM. Cepat! Cepat! Sebelum terlambat! Nanti kempunan nak merasa air tangan warga Islahians. :)

Hehe. Betul ni, cepat-cepat tau, kalau lambat nanti habis. Macam-macam ada dijual.

[er, tak sangka pulak dyana boleh jadi tukang promosi, sebab dia ni pemalu, you tahu? Hohoho =p]

Jap. Jap. Saya pergi snap gambar untuk kamu. Eh, tak jumpa camera. Mesti Bulan bawa pergi lab. Lain kali lah ya. Sorry. Mari sambung cerita.

Yang sangat seronok juga di bulan mulia ini adalah Tarawih. Walaupun hanya beberapa kali sahaja berkesempatan bertarawih di surau/masjid, sebab… sebab… malam dyana kerja. :’(

Jadi kamu-kamu yang berkelapangan, pergilah ke Masjid.

Masjid negeri juga sangat best. Imam best. Bacaaan best. Roh Ramadhan terasa dekat di hati. Dan selesa. Kalau bawa anak-anak, ada disediakan pusat jagaan dengan pelbagai aktiviti untuk kanak-kanak. Hujung minggu lepas katanya ada program Aman Palestine, setiap petang ada ceramah, dan makanan berbuka disediakan untuk seribu pengunjung. Itu baru masjid negeri. Banyak lagi surau dan masjid sekeliling Selangor yang menseronokkan (maaf, pembetulan: menyeronokkan). Nanti ya, kalau dah jelajah dyana cerita. Pergi tau. Ha, kamu yang itu, kamu tahu kamu siapa. Pergi tau. :)

Okaylah. Saya mahu belajar. Untuk Mengajar. Lain kali saya sambung cerita, ya.

Sehingga ketemu lagi. Ilalliqa’.

I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve, so now everyone can see it.

2010-07-31T12:28:00.005+08:00

Dahulu, saya seorang manusia yang sangat reserved. Saya tak tahu apa terjemahan ‘reserved’ dalam bahasa Melayu, jadi jangan tanya. Ada seorang kanak-kanak dewasa yang mengubah diri saya. Saya yakin dia tidak tahu hakikat yang dia sangat banyak mempengaruhi siapa saya hari ini. Saya yakin dia tidak tahu yang hakikatnya saya tak boleh hidup tanpa dia. Buktinya ada suatu waktu kami berjauhan, saya sakit sepanjang-panjang semester. Heart Ache.

Dia adik saya. The first person that I let in this close.

Ya, adik saya dalam kategori mak lain bapak lain banyak. Tapi dialah yang pertama hadir dan claim saya kakaknya dengan semudah dan sesuka hatinya. Dialah yang tiba-tiba datang dan berperangai baik sangat dengan saya dan memecahkan suatu tembok - tembok yang tertulis tiada siapa yang benar-benar boleh rapat dan kenal Dyana. Tembok yang menjadikan saya repulsive pada semua orang yang datang dekat, lelaki atau perempuan.

Sebelum itu kalau kamu adik atau sebaya tetiba datang nak bermanja-manja panggil saya ‘kakak’ sah-sah kamu akan dapat ‘cold-treatment’. Tindakan reflectnya adalah saya akan mengelak dan lari. Bukan saya sengaja, okay? Perangai sejak azali. See, sebelum itu sayalah yang selalu jadi adik. Orang jaga saya, saya tak payah jaga orang (poyo!). Dalam keluarga JPK 2004/2005 Jengka, sayalah yang paling adik sekali dan paling comel, paling manja, paling sweet! HAHAHA nak muntah. Kakak and the geng dulu panggil saya “adik sayang” apa kan kak? Tak percaya, tanya Ayang. Tetapi kakak di mana sekarang pun saya tidak tahu. Dah kahwin ke belum pun saya tidak tahu. Uhuhu… :(

Er. Kembali kepada cerita asal.

Adik saya ini, mari kita panggil dia Bulan.

Semua orang yang kenal dia pun pasti akan tahu kenapa saya selalu panggil dia Bulan. Tetapi selain kerana Bulan adalah maksud literal namanya, bagi saya dia memang Bulan. Macam Sunshine adalah Sunshine. Bulan adalah Bulan.

Dia hadir waktu saya kusut. Hidup saya kusut. Suram. Gelap.

Bulan, sebagaimana bulan, punya cahaya tidak terlalu terang sehingga menyakitkan mata. Cahayanya tenang. Asalnya, saya hairan dengan Bulan. Kenapa baik sangat dia ni dengan aku? Dia akan datang bercakap-cakap dengan saya, bila kami bermalam di Raudhah menunggu qiam. Tidur sebelah saya. Dia yang selalu senyum-senyum manis dan cantik (seperti bulan) tiba-tiba datang menjadi adik perempuan yang memerlukan perhatian saya. Dia akan selalu datang ke bilik saya. Kemudian DIA TERUS PINDAH MASUK SETINGGAN DI BILIK SAYA. Jangan report pada UPK tau. HAHA.

Yeah, she had a lot of my attention. :)

And thus, she distracted me from my own misery. She was silently, always there by my side. Dia membantu menguruskan hidup saya yang serabut, kamu tahu? Dia sangat pandai menjaga orang. Sebenarnya, dia sangat suka menjaga orang. Itu perangai dia. Semua kakak-kakak dan adik-adik dia akan merasa dijaga dan terjaga. :)

Kalau nak diikutkan, waktu itu kalau saya presiden, dia juga presiden. Presiden PEREMPUAN PERTAMA PERDIPSA lagi. Kalau saya kata saya busy, dia apa kurangnya? Boleh tidak dia basuhkan baju, lipatkan kain? Dia juga tidak akan balik kampung pada hujung semester selagi saya belum habis periksa. Dia akan tunggu, tak akan tinggalkan saya sendirian di bilik besar berkatil dan berperabot 4 tetapi dihuni berdua oleh saya dan roommate.

Setiap kali mak ayah dia datang pasti saya diajak sekali berjumpa. It was the weirdest feeling that I had. Sekarang ini perkara biasa, tetapi dahulu saya JAKUN amat sebab saya tidak pernah ajak sesiapa pergi jumpa makan bersama MAMA PAPA. Ayang pun saya tak ajak. HAHAHA.

Tapi sekarang sudah biasa. Bulan ajar saya untuk membawa kawan ke dalam keluarga.

Bulan juga ajar saya how to care for others. She bend my ego because with her I learned to say I was sorry. I learned to say I love you and truly meant it. Saya juga belajar bahawa tiada perhubungan yang boleh survive tanpa proper communication. Walaupun sampai sekarang pun kalau saya marah dia saya senyap kalau dia terasa dengan saya dia senyap. HAHA. Thing is, dah masuk hampir 6 tahun juga Bulan tahan dengan perangai saya. Dengan moodiness yang tak bertempat. Bulan akan tahu kalau saya marah, atau gembira, atau penat sahaja. Saya tahu Bulan tahu kalau saya ada simpan rahsia daripada dia. Entah-entah semua rahsia saya pun dia tahu sebab dia tahu semua password dan passcode saya. Oops. Saya rasa sahaja. Hoho.

We are different now. Bukan lagi belangkas macam sewaktu di Jengka. So you won’t see us together that often. Kami sudah membesar. We have our own things to do. Each has her own life. But with each other, we’re playful. We’re ourselves. Not a façade that we show to some people. And at the end of the day, when we have time, we would talk about our days, our feelings on stuff, our emotions, sharing secrets and gossips. Haha. And this fact hasn’t changed - she’s still my best of all friends.

HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART OF MINE.

~ budak kecik ni waktu saya balik shopping with a birthday card for her, dia dan dan gali semua barang yang saya shopping dan dah jumpa dulu kad tu days and days before her birthday! No use of having any intention to surprise her, this minah kepoh. =p

Sumayyah Sisters

2010-07-31T09:09:00.000+08:00

Saya ingat lagi, pada suatu program. Waktu makan. Kita macam agak terlambat untuk mengambil makanan. Sedar-sedar kita semua berkumpul bersama. Makan bersama. Mahu cepat-cepat sebab tetiba kita perasan, “eh, macam assabiyah”. Lebih-lebih lagi kerana Mr. R telah ternampak dan tertegur!

Dan semalam. Mula-mula kita duduk asing-asing, jauh-jauh. Tak lama kemudian, lebih dekat sedikit, mengantuk. Dan bila sudah datang orang yang ditunggu, kita terus automatically mengambil kerusi yang dekat-dekat, 2 baris di hadapan. Dan kena tegur lagi dengan seorang “budak kecil”, “saya nampak assabiyah di situ”.

Hakikatnya.
Antara kita ada graviti CINTA. Setiap kali berdekatan, kita selalu mahu bersama.

Jadi ketahuilah, saya sayang kamu semua dengan BANYAK-BANYAK.

{Along, Achik, Alang, Ayong, Anjang, Andak, Uda, Usu, Ucu, Anje}

Rindu.

Tension. And then it was gone. Love does that to you. :)

2010-07-28T14:36:00.002+08:00

Ini ditulis malam tadi. Tulis panjang-panjang, berhenti sebab menjawab mesej pastu terus sampai ke alam mimpi. HAHA :)

Tidak tahu mahu mentulis apa sebenarnya, sebab hari ini telah mendapat emotional scare, campur tekanan perasaan campur keblur-an tahap tinggi, gara-gara presentation Jurisprudence. Haha, OVER. Sampai macam tu sekali macam tak pernah buat presentation. Tetapi saya tidak tipu. Memang sekarang juga seperti masih ada sisa tekanan itu. Sangat penat sebenarnya. Padahal akhirnya tidak perlu mempresent kerana Cikgu habiskan kelas awal. Amaran - abaikan segala kesalahan bahasa, not in the mood to care.

Sociological Jurisprudence. Kalau suatu hari nanti saya berjaya faham ini subjek ketahuilah mesti saya waktu itu berjanggut dengan rambut putih misai panjang dan sangat tua - paling penting sangat WISE sampai suka fikirkan benda yang rumit dan complicated dan tulis buku tebal-tebal dengan bahasa berputar-putar dan mempaksa semua penuntut undang-undang supaya berfikir secara rumit dan complicated juga agar warisan loyar tidak kepupusan. Berjanggut rambut putih misai panjang dan tua itu adalah ciri-ciri yang dikongsi bersama oleh pemikir falsafah undang-undang seperti Pound Jhering Weber Ehrlich dan entah siapa-siapa lagi.

Mereka semuanya LELAKI.

Maka lelaki yang selalu kata perempuan sukar difahami patut mentelaah pelajaran ini. Nanti anda pasti akan membuat konklusi apa sangatlah pemikiran perempuan yang remeh temeh dibandingkan dengan ketinggian akal fikiran lelaki-lelaki seperti mereka ini yang sangat menserabutkan. Setakat ini masih belum ketemu pemikir perempuan tak tahulah nanti dah masuk tajuk Feminism kot-kot jumpa. Yang peliknya Tamanaha yang belum mencapai tahap tua sebegitu sudah pandai membawa saya menari berputar-putar sampai kepala menjadi pening. Nanti kalau dia juga berjanggut rambut putih misai panjang dan tua pasti lagi banyak pemikiran tinggi yang dikeluarkannya dan perlu dihadam oleh kanak-kanak seperti kami. Atau mungkin kamu-kamu sahaja, sebab waktu itu saya sudah bersara dari dunia undang-undang dan menjadi SURI RUMAH SEPENUH MASA. HAHA mana entah datang entah topik ini. Tetiba.

Dah. Cukup Dyana. CUKUP.

Oh. Inilah saya mahu cerita. Saya sangat suka pergi program PMH sekarang. Mana lagi nak dapat pengisian hati dan ilmu kalau tidak bersama PMH? {Ini promosi, nak komisyen, boleh? Haha} Dulu macam tidak excited sangat pergi program sebab sudah duduk di kolej dan sudah selalu sangat jumpa kawan-kawan. Tiap-tiap hari nampak kawan-kawan. Nampak tidak disitu sebenarnya yang tersirat adalah ada rasa rindu pada Mawar yang dikutuk-kutuk selalu dahulu. HAHA. Dan dan. Gembira dapat jumpa kamu-kamu dan kamu semalam, kamu benar-benar pengubat tension penangan Jurisprudence, all you gals. :)

Eh. Bukan dia nak cerita tentang pengisian yang dia dapat ke hape-hape. Haha. Memang tak nak cerita. Sape suruh kamu tak pergi? Siapa yang tak pergi, RUGI. =p Tahniah PMH, semakin hari semakin MANTOP. :)

Okay, sebenarnya sebelum itu pun tension dah hilang tiga per empat kerana telah bertemu tiga beradik comel belajar membaca IQRA’. Walaupun si adik mulut sahaja yang bising, “ye [saya] nak baca, nak baca!” tapi sampai sudah berlari ke hulu hilir berperangai comel tapi tak datang-datang jugak mengaji.

Tahukah kamu? Saya sangat suka kanak-kanak. And the general rule adalah mereka juga sangat SUKA saya. HAHAHA PERASAAN. Kenapa boldkan general rule? Sebab dalam undang-undang setiap general rule ada exception. Walaupun most of the time kanak-kanak and Miss Dyana are bonded like there’s magnetic attraction, ada jugak yang tak terjatuh hati. Haha. =p

Sebut tentang kanak-kanak, mari cerita tentang {IHSAN}.

Jumaat lepas, lepas kiss SORRY dia pun cakap “Sayang Aunty Didi!”. {See? I told you they love me. Even if I said that to him first =p.}

Kenapa kena kiss sorry? Sebab Ihsan sudah pandai nakal sekarang. Orang suruh baca Iqra’ 1 dia insist nak Iqra’ 6. Orang sembunyi hanger bawah bantal, dia pukul-pukul aunty dia nak rebut jugak hanger tu. Pastu terdiam sendiri. BERSALAH lah tu. Hah. Camane bakal ustaz boleh pukul orang ni? Haish. Pastu turun bawah bagitahu Che Emi dan Ibu, “Ihsan buat Aunty Didi, Aunty Didi dah merajuk”. Tahu takpe. Tetapi Ihsan, apa cerita pun kamu tetap BUAH HATI tahu? Almost three, he is. Very clever. I'm sure he got that cleverness from me! Kah kah kah. :)

Nah, tengok gambar budak comel ni sekeping.

Okay. Pergi dahulu. Malam ni kami berBBQ. Nak join? TAK BOLEH. Hahaha Dyana kejam. =p

Tata~

Kalau kamu perasan ada perubahan emosi yang mendadak itu adalah kerana separuh ditulis semalam separuh lagi disambung hari ini. Sekian.

When I Look at You...

2010-07-25T00:45:00.000+08:00

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everbody needs a song.
A beautiful melody,
When the night's so long.
Cause there is no guarantee,
That this life is easy.

When my world is falling apart.
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I..
I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore.
That's when I, I..
I look at you.

When I look at you,
I see forgiveness,
I see the truth.
You love me for who I am,
Like the stars hold the moon,
Right there where they belong.
and I know im not alone.

When my world is falling apart,
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I..
I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore,
That's when I, I..
I look at you.

You, appear just like a dream to me.
Just like kaleidoscope colors,
That cover me,
All I need,
Every breath that I breathe,
Don't you know you're beautiful...

When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore,
That's when I, I...
I look at you.

I look at you.

You, appear just like a dream to me.

Dia pergi dulu...

2010-07-19T15:09:00.000+08:00

Orangnya tidak saya kenali secara rapat. Tetapi saya kenal senyumnya. Saya cam suaranya. Saya rindu gelaknya. Saya tahu lenggok percakapannya. Di jalan Allah kami bertemu. Kerana Allah, ukhuwah bertaut padu. Saya pasti, ramai lagi yang lebih terasa kehilangan dia daripada saya. Saya yakin, melihat kepada ramainya yang meninggalkan segala urusan dunia untuk mengiringi jenazah dia. Melihat kepada sembabnya wajah sahabat-sahabat mengalirkan air mata. Adam, au Hawa. Sama sahaja.

Saya kesal, dengan lambatnya tindakan mereka untuk mengesan demam yang dialami adalah denggi. Dalam keadaan sudah terlalu banyak kes begini di kawasan kami. Dalam keadaan suhu badan mencecah 40 darjah, MC pun tidak diberi.

Bukan masanya menuding jari, saya tahu. Tetapi semoga tidak berulang lagi.

Tabahlah, buat keluarga yang kehilangan dia. Tenanglah, buat sahabat-sahabat yang masih tinggal di alam fana. Ya, hilang sebutir mutiara seorang serikandi kita. Namun semangatnya masih hangat dirasa. Ayuh, kita teruskan langkah yang dia tinggalkan.

Perjalanan ini masih jauh, perjuangan masih panjang…

Al-Fatihah, buat Anis Amira… moga rohmu ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh. Moga dipertemukan kita di dalam syurga, sayang.

Randomness

2010-07-13T02:56:00.002+08:00

Mahu ke sana! Terasa sangat-sangat mahu ke sana. Ayang, jomlah. Jomlah. Jomlah!~ Ok. Puas sudah melepas perasaan.

Hai semua orang! Assalamu’alaikum!~

Perkara pertama, saya rindu Aisyah. Sekian, untuk topik ini.

Kedua, janganlah ditanya saya mahu ke mana. Kalau rasa seperti boleh dibagitahu, sudah terang-terang saya tulis di atas tadi. Tetapi semua orang pun busy sekarang. Tiada yang percuma (free) untuk menteman. Haish. Bosan. =p

Tetapi tahukah kamu, hujung minggu saya best? Sangat menaikkan motivasi bila mengetahui begitu ramai yang mendapat anugerah dekan semester lepas. Wow. Kalau kamu boleh buat, saya juga boleh bukan? Doakan saya sekali? Terima kasih. Hati berbunga-bunga dengan semangat baru. Berkobar-kobar bagai obor api. :)

Maka telah mentemui beberapa misi baru dalam hidup. Jangan risau, Darul Islah Décor masih tersenarai di tangga teratas (che lah cakap tukarlah nama blog kakak jadi darulislah.blogspot.com - idea yang baik. HAHA. Er. Saya masih cinta Sumayyah dengan banyak, Achik - jangan risau.) tetapi telah menjumpa perkara-perkara menarik yang lain juga. Perkara-perkara yang dipudarkan sedikit semangatnya bila bercuti. Cuti habis, veil lifted, they shine again. Bising sekali bertukar cerita dengan mereka tadi. Buah hati saya. Semangat, jangan pudar separuh jalan, ya? Mesti berusaha. :)

Hari ini bila nampak dapur tidak begitu mahu cantik, guess what? Hati tidak terasa mahu melenting langsung. Topik apakah pula ini? Kamu baca sahaja jangan banyak complain, okay? Tidak melenting mungkin kerana tukang mensepah (takdelah sepah sangat pun) telah baik hati tolong menyelesaikan urusan laundry saya sekali pagi-pagi. Terima kasih. Ya, seperti termakan sedikit rasuah di situ. HAHA. Kasihan tahu tengok dia ketiduran bagai terlalu letih. Orang bekerja di hujung minggu, begitulah. Kami yang lain ini langsung tidak berpeluang meminjamkan semangat ke stadium Melawati kali ini, walaupun ada terniat mahu memberi chaiyo’ kepada Rihepi. Terniat sahaja. Sekian. HAHA.

Mari mengira urusan yang telah selesai:
- Duit.
- Print.
- Photostat.
- Detto.
- Pertemuan pertama.

Urusan yang belum terlaksana:
- Pergi tempat itu. Segera!
- TheNanny - brought to you by Dyana.Su.
- Kemas. Kemas. Kemas. [Jangan terpedaya, cakap sahaja sudah banyak kali, tetapi masih tidak berjalan dengan begitu jaya. =p]
- Association. Tidak dapat membuka email lagi. Esok, ke library, MESTI.
- Belikan mereka: File. Dictionary. Exercise Book. Past years? Perhaps.
- Teleport to them: Spirit & Motivation. Nothing is that hard to be learned, teenagers! :)
- Little writings, let’s check that.

Impian terbaru:
- Port Dickson, War Muzium. Nak ikut? Jom. Tapi tahu-tahu sahajalah kan? Impian, derived from the word ‘mimpi’, might as well never come true. HAHA.

Baik, pergi tidur sekarang!

Sleep tight~

Leteran Semalam (again)

2010-07-08T09:50:00.002+08:00

Saya tahu saya punya masalah yang besar apabila mula berfikiran begini:

“Just buy them, shoes are investment!”

Oo O. *mengeleng2* Sigh~

Terrible this is, me quoting Bloomwood. As in Rebecca Bloomwood - if you know her. Yes, it’s the start of a disaster. NO NO. This cannot be. I’m so going to stop going anywhere for a while. I’m going to just stay at home and continue my obsession with Islah Décor Project, which is really dah terbengkalai separuh jalan since I started having wheels to move around. Bad, huh?

Eh. Er, camane ni? Lupa pula ada date dengan Ayang untuk mengukur jalan jauh-jauh. HAHA. Okay2, hanging out with Ayang would me my last indulgence for months and months to come, all right? Forgive me this time, will you? Because, it’s not like I can see Ayang very often... and now is an important phase in her life, I’ve got to be there for her, right? You know she’s always there when I need her. And you know that you aren’t suppose to neglect your best friend for 6 years. Relationship needs communications, and dates, and long chats, and dining out, etc etc. Tetapi perhubungan yang halal sahaja, tahu? Jangan kamu putar belit statement saya.

Er, dah enam tahun kita kenal, awak? I must be really OLD. But still, you’re older. HAHAHA. =p

Tak tahu Dyana belajar kat mana jadi jahat macam ni. Haish~

Tidak mengapa. Mari lupakan tentang itu buat sementara waktu. Kembali kepada tujuan asal menulis:-

I figure that it’s going to be a waste to throw this week away without storing it in this memory box of Menulis Hidup. It’s my final semester after all. It was exciting and motivating, really, with all the lecturers mentioning about our options after graduating. GRADUATING! Did I mention that yet? :)

Jadi mari dengar kenyataan riak ini:
Hai semua orang, sekarang saya sudah senior!~ HAHAHA memang menyampah. Ahaks.

So this semester is not suppose to be as hectic as the last, considering we’ve finished final year project. :) Five subjects still, and the timetable is not that vacant, but I’ve got only 4 school days per week. Friday is off! Nice, right? It’s like, I can go back Putrajaya/Puchong every week. Nak balik Terengganu tiap-tiap minggu pun boleh kan? Haha beranganlah Diy. Banyak cantik. Yang lebih penting, banyak duit?

Anyway, for this semester, I don’t have to buy as much books as last, because I owned most of them already. Saya rasa-lah. Just some more statutes. Semua kelas juga telah bermula minggu ini, kecuali Jurisprudence II, yang kelasnya sebentar lagi. Semua mata pelajaran juga sangat menarik, terutamanya International Law. Pensyarah juga semua baik-baik, dan semuanya perempuan setakat ni. Mana entah pergi cikgu-cikgu lelaki sekolah undang-undang? Hah, bercakap tentang kepupusan lelaki ini, classmate saya juga hanya ada 2 orang bani adam semalam. Ke mana semua kamu pergi ya? Pelik. Tetapi tidak mengapa, kata pujangga, perempuan ramai, dunia pun aman. Er, kiamat juga sudah dekat. Huhu.

Baiklah. Saya tidak suka entry ini. Bercampur-campur macam rojak sahaja bahasanya. Mesti ada cikgu Bahasa Melayu yang marah dengan salah guna bahasa di sini. Juga mesti pembaca-pembaca juga pening-pening lalat. Haish~ Maafkan saya ya? Nak edit saya sudah malas. Dan saya telah tulis ini sejak semalam. Jadi post sajalah.

Tata~

Miserable Sunday

2010-07-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

This is yesterday’s rant. Today’s story - later, okay? If I feel like telling. HAHA. :)

There is no such thing as perfect world, so you make do - with whatever you have.

Tomorrow is a new start, for me, for you, for all students of UiTM, generally. Anyway, every day is a new start, right? So I switched on this laptop for the sole purpose of checking my timetable for tomorrow, but then I realised the wireless signal was green and so here I am, writing again with a smile. :)

The heart is not doing as okay as that smile seemed to imply, though. Okay, I’m practically frowning now. Haha, tak kelakar, Didi.

Oops. The signal is gone. Oh no. I can’t post this immediately then.

I’ll continue this rants, anyway. =p

I’ve just got back from Putrajaya, to sniff a trace of some unpleasant odor in an unmentionable place. So I got to work. I just can’t let it be. It was against some principle of mine that somehow, energy kicked out from nowhere and I started doing the cleaning. Finishing that, I went back into the room, to find my wardrobe hanging like a Pisa Tower, looking so sengetly fragile it was bound to fall down anytime. I had wondered why and asked, and they told me it already collapsed once this afternoon. Not a good answer to someone who has just got back and already feeling really tired.

And as much as I wished against it, something started to boil inside me. The blood, that is.

And guess what? It did collapse again! Yup, with a nice loud thump. Huh! That, exactly as we were finishing our Maghrib prayer. So will you understand how it made me feel? Like, really.

But I have no idea to whom I was mad at. You bet I was searching in my mind for someone to blame. Surely, it didn’t turn out that way for no reason at all? Somebody must have knocked it off or set things wrongly or something. That wardrobe was standing fine not a day ago when I went away and today, it collapsed? Surely, someone is guilty. I wonder if this is the price of a lawyer training? Always finding fault and putting blames? Or is it simply a defect in my own personality…. Well, whatever it is, I must find a cure to this shortcoming.

I was determined though, not to let the volcano explode, so I went to spend a few moments to ask for guidance and patience, and to be alone. When I got back, they had put that wardrobe right again. And I didn’t even say thanks. I was not fully composed yet. But now, as I’m writing this, I am grateful that they did that, really am thankful, for having such housemates, who bear with me even when I could hardly smile. Who helped, without having to be asked.

But my misery didn’t end there, L&G.

When I went down to find dinner, to the kitchen - which I not-so-secretly declare as my territory, I found the cabinet messed up. I didn’t really mind the mess on the counter, I’m used to that by now. That was easy to clean. But that cabinet. That was once upon a time a hole of messiness that I’ve diligently, with care, tidied up. I’ve put papers, thrown away the expired items, and arranged the things inside so that there would be more space for us all to put things. Kaca goes with kaca, plastic with plastic. Cups and plates, separated. Dry ingredients put into covered container. Bla bla bla.

It made me feel unappreciated, really, seeing my effort wasted like that. Kecik hati. HAHA.

Hurm.

So I went and rearranged everything the way I like it. Like, I owned that place. The kitchen. HAHA. Then when everything was good again, so was my mood, which spins like, you know, roda or something, these few days. And though at this moment I don’t feel like doing much, my head is thinking these:

That wardrobe had to be reassembled. I must. And there’s still the kitchen floor to be cleaned. Too tired to do that, though. And the room to be arranged again, as everyone is here already. Well, almost everyone. There’s still that fan to be fixed, and the water tank to be looked into. And that water filter to be fixed, too. There’s too much wastage of water going on in here. Which explained the BILL. Oh no, bills. Huh. And do you know that our Indah Water bill amounts to 400 something. Dear Landlord, how many years have you neglected to pay Indah Water? Isn’t it supposed to be like, only 8 ringgit per month or something?

Rest assured Mum and Dad, I’m not going to use my own money to settle that. Never. HAHA.

Okay, people. No matter how much I rant and rattle on and membebel on the conditions of our home, know that I love it still, and I love you gals too. And I’ll make do with our imperfections. Because surely, I had contributed to that imperfections, too. And despite how this sounds like, NO, I’m not the only one who cares about the welfare of the house. They all care, too. It’s just that I’m the only one who writes whatever I think whenever I feel like it. And posted it on my blog. HAHA. It releases the stress, don’t you know? Writing, that is.

Okay, it really is late. So see you!~

Eyes closed, hand, Write.

2010-07-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

Hai, internet!~ Hai!

Lama tak jumpa kamu. Er. 2 hari. Terasa macam berhari-hari-hari. Haha. Ini Dyana yang sedang mempaksa diri untuk menulis. Dalam keadaan penat dan mengantuk. Mempaksa diri kerana nanti sudah tidak tahu bila lagi akan berjumpa dengan Encik Tenet. Nanti rindu pada rumah versi virtual ini. Jadi kita tinggalkan jejak hidup di sini.

{Pertama} Perkataan yang menggembirakan hari ini adalah: “ibiu”. Ada faham? Hah, blurlah tu. Ini bahasa seorang princess berusia 2 tahun. Sila gunakan segala imiginasi kreatif kamu untuk menterjemahkannya ke dalam apa juga bahasa yang kamu faham. Kerana saya malas nak membagitahu. HAHAHA. Oh ye, untuk pengetahuan Ina dan Muhammad, sewajarnya kamu menterjemahkannya ke dalam Urdu. Nanti bagitahu saya ya. :p

{Kedua} Telah pulang kembali ke Shah Alam terchenta setelah percutian 5 hari 6 malam di bandaraya kuala terengganu (bandaraya? ya, jangan tak percaya). Percutian yang sangat best kerana ada insan bernama Mummy. Yang selalu gorengkan pisang goreng yang istimewa. Sebab Mummy is the only one yang buat pisang goreng sesedap itu. Dan Mummy sahaja yang akan goreng pisang tidak mengira waktu. Pagi petang malam, sentiasa ada. Juga seronok sebab ada orang sentiasa mengingatkan tentang makan, tentang hidup dan ya, juga tentang masa depan. Cinta kamu, wahai ibuku. Papa juga.

{Ketiga} Sejak sampai di Shah Alam, tidak berhenti bergerak. Sampai sahaja malamnya terus pergi mengajar. Walaupun sebenarnya letih yang tidak boleh dikira, alhamdulillah tidak pula mengantuk seperti suatu masa dahulu kala. Opps, terbocor rahsia. Mengajar pun boleh mengantuk. Haha. Nampak sangat manusia yang terlalu biasa. Seronok, mengajar dua hari ini. Kerana si Abang sudah memberi kerjasama yang baik. Kakak pula sudah pindah ke buku ke 6. Adik. Er, Adik semakin bermain-main pula. Haish~ Nasib baik kamu masih kecil, tahu? Dan punya pelat yang comel itu. Kalau tidak, saya sudah tidak mahu berkawan dengan kamu. Agak teruji kesabaran hati ini. Haha. Hurm. Hari Jumaat juga telah keluar dari pagi sampai ke petang, sampai ke malam. Hari ini juga penuh dengan aktiviti. Penat.

{Keempat} Baiklah sudah tidak mampu mentulis. Pergi tidur dulu. Salam ‘alaik!~

Buying Chicken With SPECIFIC Instructions

2010-06-28T10:51:00.006+08:00

Kenapa dekat Terengganu sangat malas keluar rumah? Sangat. Bukan sikit-sikit punya malas.

Cuba tanya Islahians apa hobi kak dyana yang paling best?

S H O P P I N G.

Kalau tanya nak pergi mana, sikit-sikit jawapannya shopping. Haslina puas membebel kalau kakak berebut teman dengan dia. Dia ajak dengar ceramah, kakak ajak pergi shopping. Haha~ Tahu apa yang Dyana paling suka shopping? Groceries. Macam pelik. Tapi benar. Sebab bila shopping groceries macam ada rasa bertanggungjawab yang besar – tanpa rasa bersalah membazirkan wang. Pergi pasar PAGI-PAGI pun dia boleh begitu gembira. Nanti balik boleh memasak walaupun tidak pandai. Tidak mengapa. Masih boleh buat-buat pandai. Kenalah berlakon sikit. Campak-campak sesuka hati. Tara!~ Jadilah makanan untuk dimakan. Jemput makan semua orang! :)

Er. Tetapi di sini, di tanah tumpah darah tercinta ini - sungguh tidak suka ke mana-mana biarpun membeli-belah. Mak suruh pergi beli ayam dekat Bukit Payung pun tidak begitu mengujakan. Langsung tidak teruja. Dekat sahaja tempat itu tau. Ayam 10 kali ganda segarnya daripada mana-mana tempat di Shah Alam. Biarpun tak payah bersiap segala bagai sebab jaket ada. Ya, sarung sahaja. Simple, tak susah. Biarpun mak tak larang kalau nak pandu kereta baru ke pasar, tetap rasa macam berat nak keluar. Ha, ke pasar pun nak bawak kereta baru. HAHAHA.

Sudahlah Dyana, asyik mengarut sahaja.

Okay, kakak pergi sekarang, Ma!

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Sudah pulang! Hai, bertemu kembali di siaran Menulis Hidup. :)

Tahu bagaimana caranya hendak membeli ayam on behalf of Mama?

Pertama, kena pergi gerai ayam yang specifik. Yang lain TAK BOLEH, nanti Mama tak nak makan. Gerai sebelah gerai daging, depan gerai sayur Kak Nor, okay? Okay. Penjualnya gelap-gelap, besar tinggi. Kalau muka Melayu betul-betul tu, yang kecik-kecik, itu salah kedai. Jangan, Mama tak suka ayam kat situ. Er? Hurm. Mak siap nak telefon Kak Nor suruh dia tunjukkan gerai mana. Mama, tak payah. TAK PAYAH. Kakak carilah sendiri nanti. Adui.

Kedua, sampai di sana wajib memberitahu: “Cikgu Rohani suruh beli ayam, mintak pilihkan.” Ma, kakak tak pernah beli ayam sendiri ke? Tertekan hidup. Haha, tapi buat jugak. Kata penjual ayam itu,

“Oh, Cikgu Rohani ni kena special sikit.” Mama kata tak boleh special sikit, kena special BANYAK.

Mama juga telah berpesan, “suruh dia potong comel-comel” means kecil-kecil, tapi saya tidak memberitahu kerana orang tu macam sudah tahu sangat taste Cikgu Rohani. HAHA.

“Anak Cikgu Rohani ke?”

“Ha’ah”

“Oh, muka tak sama pun.” Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. TAK SUKA. Jangan cakap boleh? Tak yah bagitahu pun, saya dah tahu tau.

“Huhu” jawapan pasrah Dyana.

“Mak pergi mana?”

“Ada je kat rumah”

Tahu apa yang Mak buat di rumah? Menonton 303. Ya, sekarang saya percaya channel itu berhantu. Dahulu saya seorang sahaja yang sibuk di situ. Sekarang saya sudah kurang minat, Mak Bapak saya yang melekat. T__T

Hurm. Bila ye nak balik Shah Alam… tak nak balik, boleh? :(

Jumpa lagi.

Of Love?

2010-06-27T15:56:00.003+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum!~ Hai semua orang. :)

Right at this moment, I’m like, in love with everything. HAHA. Okay, macam menipulah pulak. Okay, not in love, just love. And not with everything, just some things. Sebab, I’m like, still in love with the same old guy who’s getting chubbier by day. So you there, keep this as our little secret, all right? *wink* Hah, percaya dengan banyaklah tu. Hahaha.

Okay, I’m serious now. :)

For one, I love it that I got to hear Syamil’s voice today, and he was shouting sweet things like: “Di! Di!” How is that sweet you asked? That’s what he calls me, so it’s very sweet that he still remembers! Yeah, pathetic aunty, she is. ;p

Here’s the story: During the weeks that Abang Ci and Kak Lily went to Makkah, he was always clinging onto me whenever I came to visit, like, if I went upstairs, he wanted to follow, too, and if I went out of the house without him, he would cry as if it was the end of the world. His world. And when he cried, all I need to do was lay down beside him or hug him tight, whispering words like, don’t cry now baby, I’m here for you, and he would calmed down. You have no idea how it broke my heart seeing him cry so very hard in the car on the day they went back to Terengganu. Poor little guy. :(

But you know, I thought it was just the side effect of having his own Mummy away. I thought he would forget me the moment Mummy comes home again. Bear in mind that I don’t get to see him as often as I see the others who reside in Selangor. They’re Johorean, see? But this morning I hear it again: “Di! Di!” – shouted with gusto through the phone, meaning that Syamil remembers me still. Haha, I so love you, sweetheart~

And I’m back in my hometown!~ That is sure a big reason to be happy. This month alone, I’ve been home three times. For every weekend but last. But this one is not a short visit as the lasts. This one will at least be three days, I tell you, perhaps more – if I managed to get leave from teaching. Haha dan dan nak cuti. :)

Last night we watch Dae Joyoung, Mum, Nor and I. We’re big on Korean drama these days. I used to get scolded real bad if I watch them online, remember Ma? ^_-‘ But now, since Astro 303, Mum and Dad BOTH had a thing for Korean drama, too. For this periodic historical drama Dae Joyoung, at least. Haha. It was funny in a way, because Mum was watching the drama with passion, such a deep passion that only Dad knows how to share with. Or may be Kak Ida, too, for that matter. I’ve missed so many episodes that I wasn’t as interested in it as I used to be. The thing is, Dad wasn’t here. He was in Selangor having a meeting. Due to our lack of proper response, me and Nono, Mum exclaimed that it was not as nice as watching this with Dad. Only Dad knows how to respond on her comments properly, she said. Haha.

But you know, it was then that I realised how my parents complete each other. I used to think that it was Dad who would seem lost without Mum. I’ve seen it during the times when Mum had to go outstation, or went back to JB alone for emergency family matters. That no matter how we sisters kept the house tidy and cooked and did all the other things, this place still didn’t feel like Home without Mum in it. Come to think of it, I’ve seen how lost my brother in law was, too, during the time my sister had to attend a kursus for 5 days or so. I guess that’s what a wife does, right? Making a place feels like Home. Have you ever watch The Notebook?

“Look guys, that’s my sweetheart in there. I’m not leaving her. This is my home now. Your Mother, is my home.” Sweetest dialog, ever. Most romantic movie I’ve watched.

Back to my Mum and Dad - now I understand that it was the other way round, too. Without Dad, we didn’t feel as complete, either. I too, felt the emptiness from Papa’s absence. So come home quick, Pa!~ My parents, they are both retired now. These days, Dad spends his time being AJK for PIBG and stuffs, and some politic jugak kot, and Mum becomes full time businesswoman from home. They’re busy doing their own things, but I’ve seen Dad helping in kitchen, gorengkan goreng pisang, things like that. They’re sweet. :)

Dear Allah, I pray that when I found my Love, please let it be as deep as my parents’ love for each other. If I marry, please make it last as long as my parents’ marriage ~ strong through thick and thin. Rough moments and beautiful ones, shared together, always. Thank you Allah, for giving me at least this one example, to keep my faith that Love exists. :)

It’s just that, you know, since Family Law, I’ve looked at marriage thingy with skeptical eyes. You would too, if you’re in my place. Seeing that all you learned was about divorce, perebutan harta, and custody rights. Urghh. Scary. And, you-know-who-you-are, all the things you’re always telling me don’t help any, either. It has adverse effect on my faith, I think I should let you know.

Ok, I don’t want to spoil your mood now, people. So forget what I said. Haha.

Hey, did you look up the sky last night? On our way to pick Ina from tuition, Nono kept telling me to look up, the moon was so beautiful – it was so bright that the whole clouds around it can be clearly seen. Yup, it was breathtaking all right but I told her, and later Ina, too, that if they don’t stop telling me to look up we might as well end up in an accident, so shut up. Mean sister, she is. ;p It was gerhana bulan or something, was it? Amazing creation it was, Subhanallah~

All right, enough rants for now. You requested that I write, so I write. But was it just my feelings, or are you truly keeping something secret from me, Sunshine? ;p

Hope all is well with your worlds too, dear friends. Be happy, okay? You too, Az. Don’t you go there again. I know it hurts now, but heartbreak heals, I tell you. You already know that, I hope?

May Allah bless you. See you. :)

Diary Entry: June 17th, 2010 :)

2010-06-19T23:48:00.003+08:00

Minggu ini adalah minggu keluarga.
Hambik, Dyana ulang sebijik-sebijik apa yang dia cakap pada Ramlah beberapa minit tadi.

Minggu ini Dyana berulang-alik, sejak hujung minggu: Shah Alam -> Terengganu -> Kelantan -> Terengganu -> Puchong -> Shah Alam -> Putrajaya -> Shah Alam -> Putrajaya -> Puchong -> dan Shah Alam kembali. Huh, balik-balik Shah Alam jugak, bosan! Haip~ tak baik tuh dia tak bersyukur. Shah Alam pun Shah Alam lah, sebab sekarang di sinilah tempatnya bumi dipijak dan langit dijunjung. Salah-salah. Bukan langit, tapi ISLAM – ada jugak perasaan nak junjung langit, tapi tak sampai, see? Pendek. HAHA.

Kembali kepada topik perbincangan. Kenapa menjadi minggu keluarga? Kerana KELUARGA datang ke sini. Banyak masa dihabiskan bersama keluarga. Pemikiran juga penuh dengan keluarga. Cumanya, keluarga telah pulang ke Terengganu pagi tadi. Sedih, nak nangis. :(

Ok Dyana, sila membesar.

Baik!

Ehem.

Keluarga datang kerana sekarang sedang cuti sekolah. Kerana arwah Nursyairah bersemadi di Puchong, maka Mama Papa datang ke sinilah bila ada kelapangan. Macam orang lain, cuti sekolah balik kampung kan? Kami pergi Selangor. Lagipun maternal grandmother pun ada di Selangor. Ok, cukuplah. Habis semua benda juga mahu cerita. Boleh diam sekarang.

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Nak cakap semula, boleh? Hehe.

Kesannya, hari-hari pun dihabiskan menjadi seorang MAKCIK, see? Jadi maaflah asyik bercerita tentang anak-anak sahaja kiri dan kanan. Baroness pun ku heret sekali untuk menjadi babysitter anak saudara di Alamanda, walaupun sebentar cuma. HAHA. Dan hari ini, sepanjang pagi dihabiskan bersama Ihsan, konon-konon mahu pulang bila Ihsan dah tidur supaya dia tidak sedih sangat semua orang tinggalkan dia. (Siapa yang lagi sedih kena tinggal sebenarnya - Ihsan ke Aunty Didi? =p) Sekali, sebelum Ihsan tidur Aunty Didi dah tidur dulu. Bila bangun, tak sempat habis solat Zohor Ihsan dah siap-siap nak lunch kat bawah. Akhirnya, terpaksalah memberitahu perkara yang Ihsan allergic supaya dia tidak mahu ikut. Tahu apa itu?

“Ihsan, Aunty Didi nak pergi school tau. SCHOOL.” Sebutan biar jelas dan terang. Oh, berkesan sangat-sangat penekanan perkataan itu. Ihsan tak suka sekolah. HAHAHA. Tapi sebab pergi sekolahlah dia dah pandai baca doa siap translation, okay. Macam kita kecik-kecik dulu jugak. Sekarang kalau tanya, ada mahu ingat translation segala doa? ADA? Hehe. And, tadi baik betul dia dengar kata bila Ustazah Dyana ajarkan IQRA’. Hah engkau, dah jadi ustazah pulak dia. Tapi sungguh, BAIK sangat budak ini. Memang menurun betul perangai Mak Saudara Yang Nombor Empat tu. Siapa awak tanya? Yours truly, lah. HAHA. :)

Baik, cukup tentang budak-budak. Sekarang kisah orang dewasa.

Tadi ada cakap kita pergi Kelantan kan? Kita bukan orang Kelantan tau jadi pergi Kelantan tu perkara luar biasa. Seumur hidup sepanjang dalam kotak memori (yang masa saya kecik, tak masuk book), ini hanyalah kali kedua kita sampai Kelantan. First time, waktu Abang Long kahwin. This second time, for Mr Zaki and Labibah’s and Mr Anas and Nini Nisrin Mawar Putih’s wedding.

Semua orang pun kahwin, awak bila? JANGAN DITANYA! – Amaran keras. HAHAHA.

Ok. Memang COMEL tahu kedua-dua pasangan tersebut. Comel sangat. Sesuai. :)

Ha, lupa pulak. Bidin dengan Kak Arma pun comel juga. Nah, smiley sekali lagi. :)

Oh. Boleh tak kita cerita sampai sini dulu. Sebab esok kena bangun awal. Nanti kita cerita lagi ya?

Ilalliqa’~

:)

2010-06-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

Malam masih muda. Ececeh.

Ok, mulakan sekali lagi.

Malam masih muda amat. Tapi rumah sudah gelap bangat. Apakah yang sudah terjadi?

Kalau semalam waktu ini dyana juga sudah sampai ke alam mimpi. Bukan sahaja alam mimpi, langit ketujuh juga sudah dilepasi. Cuma terjaga tepat jam 11 malam dengan ingatan: "Ambik Faza!" Nasib baik Munirah melangkah masuk ke rumah tepat pada masanya. Kerana mungkin sahaja dalam keadaan mamai sebegitu.... er. malaslah cerita. Kesimpulannya yang ambil Faza pulang dari bekerja semalam adalah Bulan, walaupun yang berjanjinya adalah dyana, kerana dia telah mensambung tidur sampai ke pagi. Hohoho. Faza, sorry tau. =')

Ish susah betul menulis dalam gelap ni. berapa kali dah asyik salah tekan.

Tahu kenapa tidak boleh buka lampu? Kerana Aisyah sudah tidur. Aisyah sudah tidur sebab Ummi dia paksa dia tidur. Ummi paksa Aisyah tidur sebab dia pun nak tidur. Ummi nak tidur sebab dia penat sudah. Ummi penat mungkin kerana sudah hampir empat bulan membawa adik Aisyah dalam perut ke hulu ke hilir. Nanti adik Aisyah lagi membesar, mesti Ummi Aisyah lagi cepat penat. Tapi Aisyah tak yah risau, kalau Ummi penat nanti Aunty Didi main dengan Aisyah. Kita main puas-puas ye? Tangan kiri di depan, ke belakang, LALALALA...

Eh, umur awak berapa tahun cik dyana? HAHAHA. Tak ada anak sendiri, okay, so anak saudaralah yang menjadi buah hati segala.

Ok, mari bercerita. Baru pulang makan malam bersama keluarga. Bahagia kan boleh keluar dinner sedap-sedap dengan mak ayah dan tentera-tentera mereka? Tahu apa yang lebih membahagiakan dari itu? Semuanya orang belanja. HAHA, kaki kikis ke apa? The downside is Ihsan Aisyah semua tinggal di rumah. Jadi terpaksalah dyana fokus memakan dengan banyak. Betul ni, sangat banyak. Nasi arab, sup cendawan, kambing, kebab, (french fries tak boleh sentuh sebab Syamil dah conquer sorang-sorang :) ), air mango, mint tea, air mineral dan air mineral dan air mineral sampai tak boleh bangun. Berat. Kalau terus balik Shah Alam tadi mesti terus pergi menimbang berat di dapur. Macam dah tambah 2 kg je. Haha, dan dan je.

Tak percaya? Nak bukti? Gambar? Er. Kena mintak lah. Either dengan Ina, or Muhammad, or Che Omar. Miss Dyana Su tidak punya camera canggih macam mereka semua. Tunggu dia kaya dulu, ye. Haip. Banyak betul perancangan pengaliran wang keluar dia. Biasa. =p

Apa lagi nak tahu? Oh, belajar. Belajar macam mana? Result?

Macam tulah. :p

Mama Papa semua tak ingat result sem lepas dah keluar. Selamat dyana dari segala soal siasat. Yang penting semester depan kita buat lebih baik. Haha tiap-tiap sem pun itulah ayat engkau, Diy.

But next semester is my final semester in BLS. Doakan dyana tau. :)

Okay. Sampai sini dulu. See you when I see you. :)

p/s: Kenapa macam mendung je kebelakangan ni?

How to break a heart

2010-06-15T15:14:00.002+08:00

“Hi handsome,” I called, searching for his eyes which was cast downward.

“Hi handsome,” I said again, now that he was looking straight at me, making sure it was him I was addressing.

“Hi handsome,” and again I said, because he was looking so very sweet smiling so shyly… I got your attention now, sweetheart.

“Tak, tak handsome pun aunty didi!” a sudden burst from the brother. I looked away from Syamil and turned my eyes to this intruder.

“Memang lah aunty didi tak handsome, aunty didi perempuan. Perempuan cantik.” There you go, Ain, my champion.

“Apa masalah Abang ni? Ni mesti jealous aunty tak cakap abang yang handsome, kan….” I didn’t say all this harshly, you know. I was just… menyakat. Menyakat is my middle name, did I ever tell you that? Eh, tak tak. My middle name is Dyana. Haha.

Of course, after I said this, others joined in.

“Ha, nak suruh cakap abang pun handsome ea…” I’m not the only aunt he has. =p

But then, Mom called so I went to the kitchen, preparing the food that had to be packed, finding a suitable bag to put them into, etc. You know, all the fuss when you’re about to travel far. Then, Ain came and pulled my hand.

“Aunty didi, abang dah nangis.” Aik?

I came back to see Nono and Ina trying to console Abang, but then, he didn’t want to be consoled. He wanted to cry.

“Aunty didi yang buat Abang!!!!” sob, sob. Alahai, senangnya dia kecil hati. Got that from me, is it? See how simple it is to make a guy cry? This little guy, anyway. This is how to break a heart, as Westlife would've told you. HAHAHA.

Mom told everyone to leave Syafiq alone, and to go get ready for the journey. “How come nothing is put in the cars yet?” and on and on… And I told them to leave Syafiq alone, because, obviously, since it was allegedly I who made him cry – I should be the one to comfort him back.

But all I wanted to do then was laugh. Ok, I did laugh first.

You think I went and say, “Abang sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry, etc etc, do you? You wish.

This is what I did. I brought Syamil upstairs and took all the chocolate and sweets I got from the kenduris, telling Syamil to give some to Abang and tell him aunty didi says sorry. But when that didn’t work –

“Abang, cepatlah. Tengok ni. Cantik tak baju aunty didi pakai ni. Tolonglah abang, aunty didi tak tahu ni.” HAHAHA. Vain, I know, but it worked some. Don't throw up here, ok? =p

He looked up from the pillow he used to cover his face, but said nothing. The next thing I did when I see him again was to give him bags to put in the car and told him to help me adjust the seats so Syamil would be comfortable. Walla, he helped me fine all right. Shyly, though. HAHAHA.

The consolation part is almost as easy as the making him cry part. I can’t believe he’s eight already. So rarely that I got to see him, I didn’t really know this guy. I know only certain things, like – he’s as moody as I am – HAHA.

Hey, do you remember this post?

Thursday, September 20, 2007, Johor

I was really angry this afternoon. Angry and exasperated that I told him I was never going to talk to him again. Big NO, so please don’t even bother asking me to translate the dialogue or whatever game you were playing on that PS2. I was not going to ask you to eat, and in fact, I was never going to ask you to do anything, so that’s THAT.

Then I went upstairs into my room, or Ain’s room to be precise, and packed my bag. I’m going to leave tomorrow anyway, so why not get packed earlier. I shut the door and noiselessly minding my own business, when silently I heard the room’s door creaked open, and a small dark head appeared. I ignored it completely and he went away. Not ten minutes later, the same little head emerged again, this time with a small, i-am-sorry voice,

“aunty didi… abang nak makan… boleh tak suapkan abang makan?...”

And you know what, I don’t have the heart to ignore him again. Hah. So I stood up (though still a little coldly) and take the small hand down the stairs, get him the food I prepared earlier (which at that time, he refused to eat, bawling to his dad on the phone, “abang tak suka, tiap-tiap hari makan sup ayam je!”), while he continued his chatting, saying, “lepas makan abang nak minum susu, pastu nak baca spelling abang”. Wow, suddenly a very good boy.

So you see, what getting angry and yelling couldn’t do, a little sulking could.

With ain though, it’s a bit different. She’ll ignored me most of the time when I use my usual tone in asking her to do anything, but if I use the mak-tiri tone, though she never take me as seriously angry, she’ll concurred quietly with that smile on her face. Though if mak-tiri method fails, there’s always “budak baik macam Nabilla selalu ikut cakap aunty dia” or “princess kena duduk betul-betul, cakap baik-baik and tak jerit-jerit tau..” haha.

Never thought taking care of a pair of children can be that tricky.

Anyway, I wanted to say more, but this little boy and girl is at this moment climbing on this office chair I’m sitting on, asking me what I’m doing and urging me to hurry.

“aunty buat ape ni?”

“buat kerja aunty”

“sape yang suruh aunty buat kerja ni? Yang kat KL hari tu ke”

“tak lah”

“kerja aunty ni takkan abis sampai bila-bila ke?

“kenapa? Abang nak suh aunty buat ape?”

“takdelah, nanti ain tido abang tak nak tinggal sorang-sorang”

“tapi kan ain tak tido lagi, nanti dia tido abang panggil la aunty”

(giving me a sulking face) “okla….”

I had had lots of laughter living with my niece and nephew here, well lots of exasperating moments too for sure, even feeling harassed sometimes, but hey, they are only children. They make you mad and then they win you over again with their sweet charm...

Anyway, I’m going to start working this Sunday so I’m going back to KT. One thing for sure, I’m really going to miss them. Even though they’ll forget me in no time at all..

And here they come again, so I really got to go.

******

That, was three years ago?

By the way, Abang, one day you'll be big enough to read this, well, I know you already read some. Just know that we love you, ok? Aunty Didi loves you~ <3
:)

SUNSHINE & HONEY

2010-05-30T17:13:00.003+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum!~ Hai semua orang. :)

Maaf maaf maaf kerana lama sudah tidak membebel. Hidup sekarang busy. As busy as a bee ~ Setiap hari pun ada banyak benda yang menarik untuk dilakukan. Setiap hari pun adalah suatu permulaan untuk menjadi insan yang lebih baik. Setiap hari pun menjanjikan memori-memori indah yang baru untuk dilukis dan disimpan dalam hati. Dalam hati ada taman. Dalam taman ada bunga. Ada Matahari. ada Kumbang. Ada Rama-Rama. ada Madu. Ada Pelangi. Sepertinya hidup terasa lebih bermakna.

What triggers all these happiness? Entah. Saya pun tidak tahu. Tetapi setiap hari juga terasa senang untuk bangun PAGI-PAGI, tidak kiralah pukul berapa pun Sekolah bermula. Tidak kiralah samada awal minggu atau hujung minggu. Kalau Mama tahu mesti bangga – anak dia yang pemalas sudah boleh constantly bangun awal. Setiap hari pun terasa mahu mentelefon AISYAH, Ihsan, Mama dan Papa. Ada rasa rindu yang tidak kurang-kurang. Tapi saya tahanlah. Tidaklah pula mentelefon setiap hari kerana sedar diri tak berapa nak kaya. HAHA.

Bila fikir-fikir semula, ada juga saya berandaian – agaknya saya sudah mahu PERGI tidak lama lagi, sebab tu terasa nak buat perkara BAIK-BAIK sahaja sepanjang masa. Rasa seperti masa yang ada tidak cukup. Nanti tak sempat. Kalau andaian saya ini betul, maafkan saya ya? Ampunkan saya segala kesilapan saya pada setiap kamu-kamu. Saya tahu saya banyak buat salah, saya banyak dosa. Terutama pada Mama Papa. Dan semua orang, ketahuilah saya sayang kamu-kamu. Terutama Munirah, kakak sayang Mun sangat-sangat, tahu?

Orang kata, beribadahlah kamu seperti kamu akan MATI pada esok hari, dan bekerjalah kamu seperti kamu akan hidup selama-lamanya. Saya sedang mencuba untuk melaksanakan ini. So don’t get alarmed, now. :)

Sekarang setiap hari saya ada projek, tahu? Nama projeknya Darul Islah. Kertas kerja tak ada sebab tidak perlu memohon bajet daripada kerajaan tempatan atau dari mana-mana badan lain. Tidak layak. Bajet mesti datang dari poket sendiri-sendiri. Dan dari setiap penghuni kediaman ini. Aktiviti kami adalah berkemas. Sehingga hari ini sudah selesai membersih – membersih sahaja kerana proses mencantik memerlukan uwang – dapur, master bedroom, dan ruang tamu. Pantang nampak catalog perabot dan hiasan dalaman kami TENUNG lama-lama sambil-sambil berangan beramai-ramai. Mulanya begini: BILALAH NAK ADA RUMAH SENDIRI? Kemudian bersambung – Kalaulah rumah saya begini, saya mahu letak ini disini, itu disitu, ini itu ini itu, semua segala - ^_^

Tetapi sekarang hujung minggu, projek tidak dapat berjalan sesmooth hari-hari biasa. Hujung minggu kan cuti? Hari ini saya membawa Salmah dan Ramlah berjalan-jalan mengenal Shah Alam. Ececeh. :) Pergi kedai bunga mengintai salesmen dan salesgirls yang dikatakan sangat cemerlang. Pergi gerai makanan melawat Hanin yang gigih bekerja. Naik atas tengok manusia-manusia berjubah convo yang sedang senyum-senyum gembira. Huhu, lagipun, nanti semua orang jadi stress kalau saya asyik mengerah Kemas! Kemas! Kemas! Tak. Tak. Serius. Kali ni saya tak jadi mandur. In fact, saya jarang jadi mandur (pernah ke?). Kamu yang mengaku mengenali dan memahami saya - tafsiran kamu salah. Sebenarnya kamu tidak pernah tahu saya siapa. Saya enggan benarkan kamu mengenali saya. (Eh. Apakah?)

Er. Kesimpulannya Darul Islah adalah salah satu punca kehappian saya. Sebabnya ada keluarga lagi sekali. Pastinya tidak mungkin mengganti Sumayyah Sisters tercinta yang hadir lebih dahulu tetapi ada keluarga itu sangat membahagiakan. Sense of belonging is happiness. Cumanya disini agak cuak kerana menjadi kakak tersekali. Saya rindu Along yang sudah grad dan pulang ke kampung halaman. Saya rindu Achik yang sedang bercuti dan menimbulkan cemburu di hati. Saya rindu Ayong yang walaupun adalah adik tetapi tak terasa seperti adik sangat. Pulang-pulang malam semalam terlihat nota Ayong di white board. Plan bertukar, tiba-tiba Ayong sudah balik kampung. Sedih. :(

Baik. Baik. Tidak mahu bersedih. Saya bukan kanak-kanak.

Okay. Sampai disini sahaja. Kalau Allah izinkan, jumpa lagi. :)

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL ~ AS BRIGHT AS SUNSHINE, AS SWEET AS HONEY.

Thank You, Allah.

Perasaan

2010-05-14T02:40:00.005+08:00

Assalamu’alaikum.

Saya tidak tahu, di mana istimewanya kem kali ini berbanding semua kem-kem yang pernah saya lalui atau kendalikan sebelum ini. Walau pun saya TIDAK SUKA kem dan perkhemahan, rasanya terlalu banyak sudah kem-kem yang ditempuhi sejak sekolah dulu-dulu. Ya, walaupun saya tidak suka. Masuk hutan, berpanas, berpeluh-peluh, beraktiviti, bersukan, basah-basah, bermain-main, malam yang terlalu sejuk menusuk tulang – renyah. Saya budak skema, tahu? I often crave for quietness and normality.

Tetapi setiap kali pun saya akan dapat banyak pengalaman, jadi saya teruskan.

Kalau ada peserta yang datang kerana terpaksa, dan pegawai pengiring pun berkata beliau dipaksa, untuk kem ini – BEGITULAH JUGA SAYA. Bila saya diberitahu tentang taklifan Biro Modul – hati saya berkata, “AGAIN!?” Kemalasan melanda-landa. Membuak-buak. Lebih-lebih lagi peperiksaan sedang berlangsung. Dan kerana saya juga berfikir bahawa saya kan sudah senior, sudah mahu graduasi tidak lama lagi (insyaAllah, AMIN!), tidak adakah adik-adik pelapis yang lebih perlu dilatih? Seperti ada tinggi diri di situ, tetapi tidaklah saya berniat begitu, saya cuma bimbang kerana mungkin sahaja ada tenaga muda yang tidak digunakan sepenuhnya. Nanti kan membazir?

Tetapi kerana saya tahu, kalau ada orang lain pasti mereka akan memilih yang lain selain saya. Saya pasti kalau tidak kerana telah banyak pertimbangan yang difikirkan mereka-mereka itu, tidaklah saya diberi tanggungjawab tersebut. Walaupun mungkin banyak perkara yang selalu saya membebel tidak puas hati sana sini, tapi sudah nekad hati ini tidak mahu menyusahkan mereka-mereka. Terlalu dalam kasih saya kepada mereka-mereka. Sudah terlalu lama tersemai. Sudah berakar dalam menunjang dasar hati saya. Saya menemui reason untuk hidup kerana mereka-mereka. Walaupun hati saya pernah hancur lebur sehingga saya tidak mahu buat apa-apa lagi selain pergi meninggalkan dunia ini, mereka-mereka menyedarkan saya hidup ini bukan kerana seorang manusia, tetapi kerana ianya adalah kehendak Sang PENCIPTA.

Kamu-kamu tidak akan faham tentang ini melainkan kamu merasakannya sendiri. Nikmat Allah itu besar. Datang dalam pelbagai bentuk dan cara. Walaupun selalunya tidak layak langsung untuk menerima nikmat tersebut, tetapi SUBHANALLAH, tidak pernah DIA berhenti memberikan kejutan kepada saya dengan kejadian-kejadian ciptaanNya. Dengan peristiwa-peristiwa yang ditakdirkanNYA.

Dengan kem ini, Allah memberikan saya peluang untuk buat lebih baik daripada kem yang lepas. Allah berikan saya partner yang saya senang bekerja dengan mereka. Allah jaga hati saya dengan tidak mudah melenting, marah atau gelabah walaupun ada sahaja perkara-perkara yang tak terjangka. Allah kurniakan ketenangan dan kematangan sesuai dengan usia saya hari ini untuk saya hadapi segala. Allah cerahkan mata saya walaupun tidur hanya sejam dua sahaja setiap malam. Allah hilangkan penat walaupun hari sebelumnya saya telah mengangkut semua barang-barang keluar dari kolej dan membantu Faza naik turun tingkat 4 Kenanga untuk melakukan hal yang sama. Allah berikan peluang untuk saya rasai sekali lagi manis dan indahnya UKHUWAH yang terjalin di jalanNYA. Yang tidak pernah sama dengan lain-lain perhubungan yang pernah saya rasai.

Saya sekadar pemikir, dibantu oleh kedua-dua orang Mira, diketuai oleh Fendi. Pemikiran kami itu ditajamkan dengan terjahan soalan-soalan dan cadangan daripada MT program dan AJK-AJK lain sewaktu idea dibentangkan pada mesyuarat-mesyuarat kami. Idea-idea modul itu pun bukan original daripada otak saya sendiri. Datangnya daripada program-program yang pernah kami lalui sebelum-sebelum ini, ada sebahagiannya terhasil daripada pembacaan,dan semuanya diolah kembali agar bertepatan dengan matlamat dakwah. Fokusnya pada Aqidah dan Ibadah. Fokusnya adalah menjalin ukhuwah.

Saya bukanlah orang yang mengendalikan modul-modul itu semua sendiri-sendiri. Itu dilakukan oleh Fendi dan adik kebanggaan saya, Farid. Saya cuma berada di belakang, selalunya bersama Miera. Saya bukanlah orang yang bersusah-payah membeli dan menyediakan peralatan-peralatan yang kami perlukan. Itu dilakukan oleh Biro Tugas-Tugas Khas, Hazirah dan Amira Sharifuddin. Saya bukanlah orang yang menyelami hati adik-adik kerana fasilitator yang terpilih menerima taklifan itu – Munirah, Amalina, Midar, Amelia, dan Mira, Agus, Maududi, Farid. Saya cuma sentiasa berada di sana, sepanjang masa selagi saya mampu bertahan. Saya gagahkan diri memberi komitmen terbaik. Mungkin peserta tidak kenal pun siapa saya. Tidak seperti sewaktu MMS dulu – samada di Jengka atau Shah Alam, waktu saya selalu memegang jawatan tinggi-tinggi dan memegang microfon sepanjang masa.

Saya tidak lagi seperti itu. Saya even rasa nervous bila kadang-kadang Fendi serahkan mic pada saya. Terlalu lama saya tidak kehadapan. Lain sudah hidup dahulu dan sekarang. Saya masih lagi Nurdyana. Tetapi saya Nurdyana yang berusia 25 tahun. Saya sedar, sebenarnya saya telah DEWASA. Expectation saya pada hidup sudah tidak seidealis dahulu. Pemikiran saya dewasa, perasaan saya dewasa, biarpun mungkin tidak kelihatan begitu dek kerana perangai keanak-anakan saya.

Bila kem berakhir, saya rasa gloomy. Ada rasa pedih dihati. Tiada air mata yang mengalir kerana seperti selalu, hati ini keras untuk tidak menterjemahkan perasaan dengan air mata. Walaupun waktu itu saya fikir hati saya pasti lebih ringan kalau saya dapat menangis. Saya pun tidak tahu kenapa, saya mudah sahaja menangis sewaktu membaca novel, menonton filem, melihat kesusahan orang lain. Tetapi SANGAT SUKAR bila hakikatnya hati saya sendiri yang pedih merintih. Dan pedih hati itu saya tahu, bukan sekadar kerana program berakhir. Ada sesuatu yang lebih dalam yang saya hilang bila usai program tersebut. Sesuatu yang datang menjengah sebentar cuma. Ada pelbagai memori yang bertandang menemani saya pada setiap masa program berlangsung. Kini memori itu jadi pudar kembali.

Terima kasih tidak terhingga - Buat teman-teman seperjuangan dalam mengandalikan SMART GENERATION CAMP 2010. Buat mereka yang telah memilih dan memberi taklifan modul kepada saya. Buat Fendi dan Mira berdua yang menjadi partner Modul, kerana mereka adalah antara partner yang paling best yang pernah saya digandingkan. Buat peserta yang menjadi subjek kem ini, kerana jika tidak kerana kesudian mereka mengikuti dan bekerjasama dengan permintaan-permintaan kami, pasti tidak akan seindah ini pengalaman kami.

Paling utama, terima kasih TUHAN, Allah Yang Maha Agung, kerana memberi peluang berharga ini.

Cintaku kepada DIA, rinduku hanya padaNYA
Kasihku tulus buatNYA, setiaku balas kasihNya
Kasihku kasih yang setia, pada yang punya
Dambaku pada Yang Esa, pujian hanya buat-nya
Akurku kebesaran-Nya, teragung Maha Suci-Nya
Taatku hamba yang hina, pada PENCIPTA

I LOVE ISLAM.

Can't Help Writing, Even During Exams

2010-04-27T21:38:00.001+08:00

Assalamu’alaikum!
Hai semua orang! Hai.

Rindu saya tak? Kalau tak rindu diam-diam sudah. Kalau rindu, terima kasih! *wink wink* HAHAHA.

Ok, awal-awal dah merapu kan.

Macam baik tidak sepanjang dua minggu peperiksaan ini saya tidak menyentuh (sentuh?) blog? Macamlah, macam. Sebab hakikatnya tak baik pun. Berfoya-foya sana sini serupa orang tak ada peperiksaan akhir (eh. bila entah? abaikan). Dan telah mentengok cerita-cerita dengan banyak. 2012lah, Julie Julialah, Harry Potterlah (untuk kali yang ke ratusan), New Moon lah, Avatarlah – owhhhh Avatar itu best, tahu? Diam kalau kamu sudah tahu - biar sahaja dyana membebel. Sambung. Lebih best bila mentengok secara emosi dengan roommate yang obsess dengan environment (haha mengumpat di sini – tidak mengapa dia tak tahu). Sampai dua tiga kali tengok. Setiap kali pun mesti berteman dengan burger dan sundae. Sangat syok, tak boleh lawan. Walaupun kali ketiga sepertinya saya telah tertidur.

Dua kertas sudah selesai, tinggal lagi tiga. Tetapi malas cerita tentang itu.

Sebenarnya saya ada masalah. Masalah saya iyalah: saya tidak dilanda panic syndrome seperti selalu bila exam. Ini BAHAYA. Sebab panic boleh meng’induce’ perasaan untuk belajar bersungguh-sungguh. Sekarang tidak begitu. Besar kan masalah ini? Macam mana? Bimbangnya. :(

Masalah kedua. Beberapa lama kebelakangan ini – ok, lebih tepatnya sepanjang-panjang semester ini - selalu makan dengan tidak teratur. Nak makan, makan, tak ada mood, tak payah makan. Nak makan sedap, keluar. Malas keluar, Maggi. Kalau tak ada maggi – lebih mudah, tak payah makan APA-APA. Nampak rentak pemakanan yang hebat seperti ini? So selepas ini diam sahaja kalau melihat saya semakin kurus atau apa-apa. Jangan tegur. Bagaimana rasa kamu kalau orang asyik mentegur – wah, kenapa sangat gemuk ni? Begitulah juga perasaan bila kamu asyik menotice (?) saya kurus. Ok, saya kurus, what’s the big deal?

{Eh. Pehal entah tiba-tiba emo. Berjangkit dengan kamukah babbling baroness?}

Tapi masalah yang ini ada jalan penyelesaian. Nanti saya minum susu weight gain. HAHAHA. Tak. Tak. Andak dah buatkan jadual membeli makanan. Beli makan pun ada jadual? Ya, mesti ada. Sebab ANDAK. So selepas ini kami akan bergilir-gilir bershopping makan. InsyaAllah tak terlepas masa makan. Nasib baik 4 dari 12 orang puteri Sumayyah hidup berjiran. Teratur sedikit hidup dengan bekerjasama. Dan sebab sekarang tidak berkelas, maka masa makan selalu dihabiskan bersama-sama. Macam bahagia. Eh salah. Memang HAPPYmeal! :)

Oh. Saya telah perasaan ada orang mengumpat saya di blognya. Tidak mengapa. Banyak pahala saya nanti. Haha. Tak pe. Nanti sampai masanya kita tengok pula junior yang selalu kena buli (walaupun hal membuli itu semua fitnah - sila jangan percaya) pula yang menghafal jurisprudence. Kasihan dia, pasti sekarang sedang berhempas pulas menghafal procedure ADR. Kan dah bagitahu. Contract lebih menarik dan best? Haha sengaja je. Ok, budak kecik – study hard. Buat yang terbaik! :)

Ok, berhenti di sini – JOM STUDY!

^_^